I can’t believe my friend *[content warning: concerns child abuse]

[bloomerf]

We’ve been friends since 12 were 26 now. My friend has been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years. I understand she’s and adult and will make her own decisions. This guy she has been dating who is not the bio dad to her son she has been letting him discipline him. I don’t mean take away his iPad I mean serious discipline.

The other day I spoke on the phone for a few and she told me she lets him discipline her son. She was upset with her bf because he made her 4 year old stand for hours in soiled clothes because he lied about peeing in the bed. I could not believe what the hell I was hearing. I don’t give input unless asked but what the actual fuck??

I have asked her what her plans are and she just keeps telling me she loves him and he’s a good guy. I’m sorry I’m so furious because to me that’s not acceptable. Am I too involved or is this shit like not ok???

Yeah, and your immediate response is not to say or do anything, but to wait several days and post about it on the internet.

Unless a situation is immediately life threatening it’s usually best to wait for working hours to report concerns. Duty social work teams aren’t staffed for home visits etc so they would simply pass the referral to the day team, and if the OP can speak to them directly it’s usually better.

“The other day….”

The OP learned of this abuse “the other day”

And it is the weekend so again???

Well done OP. Please help get this boy to safety.

i am in the US. It’s currently 3 am

so “the other day” was Saturday?

and you would have been able to get through to SS. Whilst reduced staff over the weekends, you could have contacted

and if not

police

You're a good person, and you're doing the right thing. Make sure you do tell her parents too. That child needs as many people to safeguard him as possible. Don't assume social services can do it alone.

I don't know when OP heard about this. But I can tell you there's no point making a referral at the weekend, out of hours social services are emergency only and this wouldn't qualify as an emergency. Police also would just hand it over to social services for a strategy meeting on Monday.

If you suspect that a child is being abused or neglected, or if you are a child who is being mistreated, call 800-422-4453 immediately. This ChildHelpNational Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

https://childcare.gov/consumer-education/child-protective-services#:~:text=If%20you%20suspect%20that%20a,day%2C%207%20days%20a%20week.

Please ring Social Services or the police. That is not discipline, it is abuse. To let a child stand on soiled clothing as punishment is abuse.

So many stories of single mums moving boyfriends in and them abusing their children, often killing them. The mums always say “they love him”. It is well known pattern. Your friend’s child is in danger. Report this and do not hesitate.

she is in the US
number 24 hours 7 days a week listed above

or…. The police

Please tell someone about this as soon as possible. Step fathers pose a very significant risk in terms of killing a child and this kind of abuse will only escalate and escalate.

Reminds me of that poor little boy Arthur Labinjo-Hughes 💔

It took me 10 seconds to find the 24 hour 7 day a week reporting line in the US

And even if you hadn’t been able to find

police (911 just in case!)

Thanks @Elicitcoffee

Please please @bloomerf report your friend to police and social services.
That little boy is at serious risk of harm.
If anything happens to him, it will be on your conscience forever because you have the power to change things.
That poor little soul doesn't. If his mum was putting her son first she would have left her partner.
But she didnt.
For the love of god, please do something. Too many children have died due to parental/step parent abuse. Don't let this boy be one of them

Glad to hear you're going to take action OP. The greatest threat to a child's safety is an unrelated male (I imagine, sadly, the next greatest threat is a related male).

You have to be strong now and accept your friendship is probably over. To SS she will deny what she's said to you, she will defend her partner. I've been there and it blew my family apart. My sister in law confided in me that my brother had physically assaulted their 6 year old son quite badly, and not for the first time. I couldn't live with that information so called the NSPCC for advice. They got SS involved. My SIL denied the whole thing - my brother (a very outwardly charming man) laughed it off and SS took no further action!! BUT, it put the fear of God up him and he knew we (DH and I) were watching him. It divided our family sadly, but I'd do it again tomorrow if I thought a child was being harmed.

Arthur immediately came into my mind too. And Star Hobson.

Heartbreaking.

Edit/Typo

It’s really sad to know there are children in these situations. I will also be contacting her parents about this.

OP you should have reported this immediately instead of posting online.

So I have provided you with the number

have you called?

I should have and I’m taking the proper steps now.

So you’re calling the number I gave you? Now?

That’s what I said @Elicitcoffee