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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it wrong I don't want to tell anyone my baby's name until she's born

74 replies

AnnieBuck · 30/03/2025 23:34

Hi all, I will try and keep this short.

I am expecting a baby girl in two months and I'm excited. I have everything bought and ready to be used.

My friend has asked me several times what the name is and I said I didn't want to tell people until she's born. She said I should just tell people then to wait until she is born as it's stupid to wait.

I didn't think it was stupid as I have heard of people waiting to tell others their baby's name until they are born. I have had people spread things about my pregnancy (that I'm pregnant, what I'm having etc etc) and I just want one thing to be kept a surprise. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
Squashedbanaynay · 31/03/2025 00:15

Most people don’t reveal their child’s name until they’re born. Total non issue.

Allswellthatendswelll · 31/03/2025 00:16

I'm due in two weeks and we have the names but no way will I tell anyone. We could always change our minds plus I'm sure the grandparents will have opinions so much easier to present it as a fait accompli!

In lots of cultures it is considered bad luck to name a child before they are born.

Ponderingwindow · 31/03/2025 00:22

I think telling before the birth is foolish. You haven’t met your baby yet. You might realize you picked the wrong name.

my parents told everyone the name in advance. They changed it immediately upon birth, but since it was a scheduled csection, my sister still got a ton of gifts with the wrong name engraved . It was Christmas and engraved ornaments were in fashion.

DH and I had a top 3 names with 1 as a far ahead choice. When dd was born, it was ridiculously obvious that we would be using one of our alternates. It was clearly her name. We both knew the second we saw her.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/03/2025 00:24

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/03/2025 23:35

Just say you are undecided, nobody is that fussed really, but when you make a point of keeping it secret it makes people naturally more curious. Just say you aren’t sure and will decide when she’s here.

This.

It's like when couples say 'we know the sex we're just not telling' it's like ok then I'll call of the paparrazi

godmum56 · 31/03/2025 00:34

I was a changed name at birth child. My parents had three names picked out and when I was born, they looked at me and went "no" and chose an entirely different name. personally I would say your pregnancy, your child, your choice.

sesquipedalian · 31/03/2025 00:35

OP, it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to tell people, and as others have said, there are very good reasons for keeping the name to yourself until your DD is here. Just ignore your friend, and enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 31/03/2025 01:09

I would say, if you are not going to tell people, do try posting the name on the MN Baby Names forum.

I see quite a lot of name regret posts on there. Usually the mum chose a name without telling anyone else, and is only now starting to realize that the name has some big disadvantage or issue that she was not aware of.

BubblegumGiraffe · 31/03/2025 01:19

Yeah just say you haven’t decided yet.. I made the mistake of telling my mum after she asked a million times and she couldn’t keep her mouth shut and told some of her friends and my nan 😩

Eenameenadeeka · 31/03/2025 01:23

I think it's a good idea to not tell. With our first we did, and some people will tell you they don't like it and make it awkward. They don't seem to do that when baby has arrived and you introduce them as their name.

autisticbookworm · 31/03/2025 03:48

Just say we are waiting until we see her to choose a name. If they persist throw out a few names that aren’t the actual name.

MumDaisy1980 · 31/03/2025 04:29

It’s just a gossiping point. So go with what you want to do. Most important is your feeling and only you know how you feel. I also didn’t feel comfortable of telling people until I decided like 3 months after baby was born (or whatever the birth cert deadline) people eventually not ask the name anymore. I simply choose when I ready to tell them. It’s not a secret it’s simply I don’t feel comfortable. I didn’t want my decision had slightest chance got affected. Like because of nobody saying something about some of my choices. it’s easy when say just ignore what I don’t like to hear but in reality is not. So I simply just don’t tell them and keep my mind focus. I could not be happier with my baby’s name at the end!

RickiRaccoon · 31/03/2025 04:38

Never tell anyone the name before the baby comes. Everyone has an opinion and at best they'll try and convince you on their favourite name and at worst they'll screw their face up and tell you what a terrible choice that is. We would just say we hadn't decided yet.

CarrieOnComplaining · 31/03/2025 04:41

We didn’t find out the sex or share name choices until our Dc were born.

Tooearlytothink · 31/03/2025 04:43

We didn't tell (apart from discussing choices with a couple of v close friends) with DD1 until she was born & currently pregnant with DC2 & doing the same again. People seem to feel much more free to pass comment on names when it's not actually baby's name yet & I didn't want to be put off my choices. If people ask though I just keep it vague - "we've narrowed it down to a couple" etc. Hardly anyone pushes further than that & for the odd couple that have I just say "we're not saying, don't want anyone to put me off" and laugh it off.

Tooearlytothink · 31/03/2025 04:44

And she's not much of a friend telling you a perfectly valid choice you've made is 'stupid'.

Anyotherdude · 31/03/2025 04:57

In all honesty OP, you can choose a name as early as you like, but you don’t know if, once the baby is born, you might choose another one when you meet her!
Just tell nosy “friend” that you need to meet your baby before making a final decision and she will find out once you’ve made that decision…

Natsku · 31/03/2025 05:44

Nothing wrong with that at all, plus there's the chance that you change your mind about her name once she's born and you see her.

I didn't even attempt to choose a name until my babies were born and then I didn't tell anyone the names until they were officially named at around 2 months old. In my country it's a tradition to keep the name a secret until the baby is christened, I don't christen but I waited until the registration forms had been sent and approved and then announced (and with my youngest I had a naming party as a secular alternative to christening)

UncharteredWaters · 31/03/2025 05:47

SemperIdem · 30/03/2025 23:44

We didn’t share the name we’d chosen until our baby was born (this week).

Everybody survived, even my nagging MIL

Same here!! Even though we only picked it 3 days before she arrived my Mil was adamant we’d known for months!

Mobilephonewithcsi · 31/03/2025 06:38

Whatever you do will be wrong in someone’s eyes.

we chose a boy and girl name early on literally we knew what we liked together the minute I was pregnant. anyone that asked we said ‘it’s Camilla or Charles’ (not real names!!!!) immediately everyone told us - oh you’ll change your mind by the time the baby is born . We didn’t ! We stuck to it and allocated the correct sex name at birth to baby!

if you don’t tell people the name they will go on and on at you to reveal and from watching friends - if you tell people ‘it’s will or Kate ‘ then everyone sticks in an opinion and gives you reasons not to use it.

stick to your guns - when your baby is born just announce ‘Charlotte Dianna’ is born at 7lb 4 - by which time it’s a done deal and that’s that.

but I would also caution that parenting is like this - no matter what you do you are always going to get loads of ‘advise’ from ‘helpful’ people all with opposing views. Ultimately this is yours and your partners child - you have to be strong - consider options but get used to making up your own mind snd folloeing your own instinct .

Get good at saying ‘we’re doing this’ - it is not up for debate - your decisions count for this child no one else’s - so try and get into that mindset now as otherwise you are going to be overwhelmed with all the opinions and advice that people try to inflict on you .

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/03/2025 06:40

YANBU.

I would have hated to invite comments about our choice of name and risk being made to second guess ourselves if people didn't like it. And like you, we wanted one thing to be a surprise.

Maybe she wants to get you a personalised gift with your baby's name on it.

Don't do this, people! Personalised gifts are the absolute worst!

JustWalkingTheDogs · 31/03/2025 06:42

I didn’t tell anyone my dds name until she was born. I found that people would share their opinion on a name before she was born which did impact my feelings on names. No one ever said anything negative after she was born.

if you get pressured into telling them, just say you’ve not decided yet

TheRoundTable1983 · 31/03/2025 06:44

Nobody really cares about this kind of thing except the parent/s to be. Perhaps the friend wanted to get you a personalised gift with the child’s name on or something. Up to you whether you reveal the name, but rest assured, no one else really gives it much thought.

ShinyWorthKeeping · 31/03/2025 06:51

We shared ideas for DD2 name before she was born and his sister and her boyfriend had something rude to say about every single one.

Currently pregnant with DC3 and its just easier to say 'don't know yet' and change the subject.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/03/2025 06:57

I wouldn't entertain opinions about sex or name. I didn't find out the former and wouldn't discuss the latter after the first pregnancy when vague possibilities were met with 'Eeewww. Why would you want to call your baby that?'.

Zanatdy · 31/03/2025 06:59

I never announced my babies names until birth (or gender). I just said that we hadn’t decided. Your friend is rude.

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