To not be bothered if son likes football

[rosedahlialily]

I’m pregnant with my first baby, due in June and it’s a boy. Ever since DH’s family found out I’ve been inundated with the question ”Will you get him to play football?” alongside comments around how football is the best thing you can get a little boy into, will he support X team etc.

I just don’t get it at all. I didn’t grow up around football and DH is the anomaly in that he was forced to play/go to games but hated it. We have no interest in introducing football to future son but family seems to be obsessed with the idea.
Sports are obviously great for health/ socialising etc, but why football and not tennis or any other sport!? I just know as soon as they meet him they will gift us a baby football kit. They arnt even a mad football family they just quite traditional and think that a boy must love football. Am I missing something!?

it definitely has a big impact on socialising at school and he increasingly doesn't really 'fit' anywhere

Not fitting in at school isn't the end of the world. You have your entire life to find people you fit in with. Forcing yourself or your children to conform to the 2-3 very conventional (and gender-stereotypical) activities that enable them to "fit in" when they're 9 isn't the answer.

Most kids who were into niche sports, not into sports at all, into books or into particularly unique hobbies ended up finding like-minded people as adults and thriving then.

I think you’re overthinking it. I too was precious about my unborn baby and not wanting gender stereotypes! In my case my in laws were desperate to know the sex “so they could buy clothes”, which annoyed me as there are obviously loads of lovely colours out there beyond pink and blue and why is pink only for girls anyway.

Anyway, none of us are into football at all but DS(6) has been going since he was in nursery, so for 4 years now. He’s rubbish but loves being outside and running around with his friends and it’s been great for him socially and in terms of learning how to be part of a team, experience winning and losing, and how to follow instructions.

Most of the other sports available for his age group (swimming, tennis, martial arts) don’t have the team element, which is so valuable imo. I will never allow him to play rugby after a friend was paralysed after a match at school, so football it is!

Plenty of time to try out other sports when he is older. I wouldn’t write off football out of contrariness - he may love it, he may not!

That would really annoy me.

Football is great if you enjoy it and I certainly wouldn't discourage a child who was keen on playing it but I would hate any child of mine to feel under some obligation to be interested in it.

I would be telling anyone who said anything like that to get lost.

More often than not football for boys inparticular is way of forming friends at school

Non footballing couple here - we had a few comments about not sending our two DS to football but we just said they've never shown an interest so why would we. They did martial arts instead. Then when much older, they both caught the football bug and our lives are now dominated by it. Happy for them and actually enjoy watching more than I thought I would. But so glad we saved ourselves about 8 years of it. People who pester you about it can just get in the sea. It's pure lack of imagination. Boys do not have to play football (and plenty of girls do!).

Have you had a child who doesn’t fit in because it can be really hard for some kids. And boys who aren’t football boys can really make it hard. My youngest misses out on a lot because he doesn’t like football. Friends aren’t around on Sundays as they’re playing Sunday league, they’re not around on Saturdays as they go to games, they go on football trips in the holidays and even when we are on holiday he can’t join in with a game on the beach, stands on the sidelines of there’s a kick around in the garden.

He has lots of friends and as he gets older, he’s 15, it’s less of an issue but it has been quite lonely at times. He’s into music and guitar and writing and is very creative. He’ll find his people but school of def be easier if he had even a passing interest in football

Please pray he doesn’t get into football. So many vile parents on the side lines. So many thuggish kids with no respect for anyone. Rise above. I have never seen any aggression while my kids did rugby, cricket, athletics etc.

If mine had shown an interest in football, which thankfully he didn't, I'd have actively discouraged it. I absolutely wouldn't want him being a part of that culture. He's intelligent enough to be horrified by football culture, thinks watching someone else play a sport is boring, and is the last person to want to get muddy and wet on a Saturday morning.

Tbh where I live it's super tacky, I'd never put a baby in a football kit

The last couple of comments have highlighted what the real problem is. It’s not boys and football. It’s that football is the sport of the working classes being suggested by the, presumably working class, grandparents to be.

I think there is a bit of snobbery and out of date opinion of football. Our local football club is very family orientated and we go on away days fairly often and it's generally likewise at other clubs around the country too. Yeah you might see a few teens who had a drink too many but gone are the days of violence at football.

A baby in a football kit? Ugh.
Ds started going to a football club when he was primary school age. He didn't last long as it was horrible - shouty arsehole parents on the sidelines, a coach who had favourites and didn't ever try to get them to pass the ball to anyone new. Almost all behaviour problems and friendship problems during break time at school were always football-related too. Same few football-mad boys all throwing their weight around and bullying others.

What is the issue with a baby in a football kit? Perhaps some of the behaviour problems and friendship problems were due to raging snobbery.

Presumably its because it isn't a freshly ironed plain white sleepsuit.

The stereotype of boys loving football is rooted in class as much as reality isn’t it. It’s mainly lower / lower middle class obsession on the whole as far as I can see. Certainly that’s my experience!

I wasn’t bothered if DS liked football or not. DH enjoys watching it but didn’t put him under any pressure to play or get involved in supporting a team or all the stuff that goes with liking football.
DS absolutely loves it! Every aspect of it. It’s great for him, he gets so much from it.
Football is part of our lives now. We have a lot of friends though it, and spend time together away from the kids team activities.
I never understood why so many predominantly men loved it so much, but seeing how much DS loves all things football made me realise that it’s more than just a game to so many. Of course there are negative sides, but if you can avoid those overall it’s a great thing for a child to love.

My advice would be let your child find what they love, and encourage and support that whatever it may be.

Because it is one of the few sports that is financially accessible. Working class children are going to struggle to get into horse riding, tennis, polo or car racing.

Football is for everyone. That's one of the great things about it, it's cheap and accessible to all.

It might depend on where you live, but around here boys are at a significant social disadvantage if they can’t at least kick a ball. Football is absolutely massive and a shared language and bonding experience between boys especially. However there are finally a lot more girls playing, which is great.

I definitely don’t think you should force it on him if he’s not interested, that’s unnecessary and cruel. But if your area is anything like mine, I’d want my son to have a basic knowledge and some ability to play just so he could fit in. It is crazy to start thinking about teams to put him in! If he’s not interested, you’ll be spared standing on a muddy field in the freezing rain early on a Saturday morning.

It certainly began as a working class sport and has deep roots in working class areas, including where I live. However I really think now it transcends class. There’s still snobbery about it, but I know many privately educated, upper middle class men with jobs in the City who are obsessed with football.

Mid to late primary years are when boys tend to really get into football. In my ds school class, all but two boys were absolutely football obsessed. It makes socialising easier ..all meet ups from about 10 onwards were to kick a ball about in the park. The boys who weren't so into it apparently hung out with the girls at break time.

Ugh? Really? 😂

I’m sure the parents miss you attending the club very much.

It's very strange to keep making football references (and even to buy a kit) if they really aren't football mad. If they seem to hoping he'll play professionally then I suspect they're probably more invested in it than the OP realises.

It's the epitome of chav.