To not be bothered if son likes football

[rosedahlialily]

I’m pregnant with my first baby, due in June and it’s a boy. Ever since DH’s family found out I’ve been inundated with the question ”Will you get him to play football?” alongside comments around how football is the best thing you can get a little boy into, will he support X team etc.

I just don’t get it at all. I didn’t grow up around football and DH is the anomaly in that he was forced to play/go to games but hated it. We have no interest in introducing football to future son but family seems to be obsessed with the idea.
Sports are obviously great for health/ socialising etc, but why football and not tennis or any other sport!? I just know as soon as they meet him they will gift us a baby football kit. They arnt even a mad football family they just quite traditional and think that a boy must love football. Am I missing something!?

But ask about it more than ‘I wonder what his favourite subject at school will be’, ‘I wonder what books he will like’ etc. ?

Because football is a national pastime and they are excited at the prospect that your son might be good at it. Would you be bothered if they were tennis fans and were speculating that he might be the next Roger Federer?

There is a stereotype of boys loving football, but this stereotype is rooted in reality. Many boys love football.

There's an assumption that boys will be interested in football and it's rooted in an archetype, because many are. I had a football loving DF, was at school with a load of little boys who all supported one or other of the two big Manchester clubs, and I bonded with my then boyfriend (now DH) over how bored we were by football. (His DF was completely different to mine.) But interestingly, the footie-fanatic I know who's gone furthest has made it big in the American ladies' game. Many years ago, she was the little girl who lived next door!

@rosedahlialily my eldest played football until the age of 10, was great at ball control, but not aggressive enough to tackle well. He was tall, so ended up in goal, which was less fun. My number 2 decided at age 6 that he knew everything there was to know about football, and didn't need to go to any more training. In both cases, we just focussed on other sports - karate, basketball, swimming, running and finally found one that they both loved and have stuck with into adulthood. I won't say what it is as they both ended up as England juniors, and one of them still plays internationally as an adult. My advice is, if you want your son to play for England, they stand a much better chance if they choose a sport that isn't football. 😁

None of my 3 boys like football and it hasn’t affected their lives
Plenty of grown men aren’t into it, it’s a very outdated concept

It can be a social glue, but it's not for everyone. DH has a bit of avchip on his shoulder about this as he feels he missed out by not being encouraged in it and when DS was little he talked about how he ought to get him into because it was socially important, but he never actually did anything about it.

Then he'd occasionally get all upset he didn't do it when he worried about DS socially and he'd go 'Oh we should have got him info football he'd have had more friends'.but the fact was he had enough friends, he wasn't very physical or coordinated (adhd it turned out) and I kept saying to DH that a) I don't think he'd ever have been into it and b) it was never going to work unless you were genuinely into it and could convey excitement about it and be prepared to kick around with him regularly and pick a premiership team and watch their matches week in week out each season, which was never going to happen.

Honestly, ds (now 13) has his video games and geek stuff and has his friends, it's fine!

Exactly this.

I would just say that you're waiting to see who your child is and what his likes/dislikes will be. If he enjoys football you'll let him play, if he doesn't then he doesn't have to, simple. That's been my approach to everything hobby-wise aside from swimming lessons, which weren't optional.

Non footballing family here and none of the kids suffered :) I can't think of a sport that interests me less and DH is the same.
My kids did gymnastics later the girls did kickboxing and elder son got into skatepark and parcour...and still skates now in his 30s.
We are just about to sign up DGS for gymnastics as soon as he turns 4 as we have A great club here and he loves the preschool sessions and is fearless....and it's indoors😆

I can see why this might be mildly irritating but I think you’re overthinking this. It’s not like they’re going to disown your child if he’s not into football and it’s not like they’re going to be choosing his activities for him. It’s a non-issue really.

FWIW, my DP’s family had zero interest in football and his parents actively disliked it - but my DP has been fully obsessed from the age of four or five and his sister is also a pretty committed fan.

Just tell them football bores you witless, and that he’s going to be strictly forbidden to play it, ever. Then invent something mildly mad and talk excitedly about it, like Baby Bouldering, or Snorkelling for Newborns.

DS never really played football except at school and as a park kick about to be sociable. Ironically, his best mate is the local team's most passionate supporter. So they go to games. DS keeps up with what's going on with the team, but isn't interested. He did martial arts yrs 2-10, goes to gym.

My 9 year old isn’t into football. He does skateboarding (has proper lessons) and also loves riding his bike and stunt scooter. I do worry about when he goes up to senior school though as our local schools all seem so big on football.

You just be led by your child. My DH wasn’t a huge football fan and I didn’t encourage it but at the age of 7 DS1 decided he wanted to play and there was no going back. He’s in his 20’s now and football has been the making of him. It has given him fitness, competition, a great circle of friends and it’s an easy ice breaker. It definitely helps at school and socially especially from about 9-15 when the football phase is at the deepest.

younger DS has no interest in football at all and that’s fine too. However, I won’t deny that at times it has made his life harder socially as playing football is often the default activity.

Haha this made me laugh 😆

This one 😂

This is definitely a cultural thing (and well, probably very class based). No one has ever insinuated our ds might like football or asked if he plays. He’s 7. Dh and I are sporty, but not football. I couldn’t even tell you if there is a local football club or if any of his friends play. There are so many other fun activities for kids to do.

Mine tried it, both hate it, fine, we move on. I've taken them to the odd game, I think they preferred the Churros more than the football.

They arnt even a mad football family they just quite traditional and think that a boy must love football. Am I missing something!?

You're not missing anything. Your husband's family sound quite thick, and they're missing something rather obvious - your son will decide for himself what his interests are as he grows up. One of those may be football or it may not, and there's nothing wrong with either. Families to try to shoehorn their children into "what everyone else likes" (or worse "what boys like" and "what girls like") are the absolute worst.

Who cares if "all the other boys" are into football? I know plenty of adult men who were never into it, and they just cracked on with what they did like. Sometimes it takes until you're a teenager or young adult to find other people into the same thing and that's OK.

What would worry me is that your husband's family would treat your son as inferior or an outsider if he doesn't conform to their (very narrow) gender norms.

I had the comments i just took it as a light-hearted thing once our child was born and was not into it people moved on, i never thought that deeply about it

Both my boys dislike football they have never been a fan of it.
I never stopped them playing but they never took to it.
They Love make up and fashion.
Cant kick a ball but they can have you red carpet ready in an hour.
Need i say more about my fabulous boys.

My husband and I are sports mad, I'm not into football but he is, we both play sports so naturally we hope our son will be into something, but we are not fixed on that being football, and we would never force him to play sports if he doesn't want to. However, we do want to give him the opportunity to try different things as there are lots of other sports, I don't get why people become so obsessed with football.

As it happens , my son has been going to football for a while, however he has dropped it recently . Whilst he loves kicking a ball around in the garden/ at school and the park, he has no interest in joining a team at the moment and he doesn't want to train.

Have fun with it.

Tell them that ballet and swimming are best for all round fitness, so you'll be signing him.up for those as soon as he's old enough. Obviously if he later shows potential for other sports you will consider it...

I absolutely agree with you about perpetuating gender stereotypes and this would've wound me up massively when I was pregnant with my son. The child will be who they'll be, with their own likes and dislikes! I do have to fight against gender stereotypes a bit with my ILs for both my son and daughter. I also hate the culture surrounding football and would never have thought I'd particularly want mu kids to be into it. No-one in my family growing up was into football, it didn't feature in my life at all really.
BUT my son is now 9 and one of about 3 boys in his class who doesn't like football and doesn't play it every breaktime and it means his friendship pool is really limited. He's always played with girls a fair bit throughout school, great, but I've noticed this year especially (year 4), the girls are so much more mature and definitely favour just hanging out with other girls rather than running round playing tig which is what my son wants to do. A few years ago we got him involved with a local team to try to give him enough of an interest and the basic skills to join in with kicksbouts at playtime etc but he just didn't enjoy it. He'll kick a ball with his sister but that's it. Obviously we've helped him find other hobbies ( Cubs, performing arts, swimming) but it definitely has a big impact on socialising at school and he increasingly doesn't really 'fit' anywhere. So although this sounds incredibly grating from your ILs I wouldn't let it put you off fostering an interest in football for your son.

I think I agree that it's good for boys if they do like football and are half decent at it, because my son hates football and is not very sporty and I can see that he's left out of the instant camaraderie that the 'football boys' have. Most of the boys in his school are football boys.

But at the same time, he never would have been a football boy whatever we had done and I don't think he will ever be a 'lad' iyswim. He tried football when he was younger and it wasn't for him so that's that, isn't it.

He now plays another team ball game which is played indoors (big upside as a parent watching matches)! Speaking objectively, he's not brilliant at that either, but it's healthy for him to do some sport and he likes that one.

He has a few good friends (boys) - they tend to play fighting related games so still quite stereotypical.

Of course you just have to let your kids be themselves. I expect your ILs know that really.