Mothers’ Day is not ‘nothing to do with husbands’.

[myplace]

I don’t agree Mothers’ Day is for DC to take full responsibility, and nothing to do with husbands.
When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him! Needless to say I firmly pointed out there were lots of alternatives to that, moving back in with his parents for help, getting a nanny etc.

However it’s pretty clear he only has DC (which he wanted) because I enabled that. I carried them. I jiggled work around them. I kept them
Physically alive, to the detriment of my own body. I prioritised them. Alone, he wouldn’t have coped.

I feel he should recognise that on mother's day. All the posts that say dads aren’t responsible for celebrating the mum of their dc are a bit stingy, honestly. AIBU?

This, to the power of ten.

That's what men do.

Replying to this OP is like trying to have a meaningful conversation with stoned people. Fucking cheese indeed.

what are you on about.

that would be a push gift, which is a present from your partners to thank you for giving birth / being pregnant.

if thats your thing.

if you want you husband to celebrate you for being a mother, just ask him. but you didn't do it as an altruistic act, having a child and giving birth is entirely a woman's choice unless somewhere where abortion is illegal.

Sorry OP but your posts are as excusing as his behaviour is disgusting. You dare to post about this lousy excuse for a man and proffer ridiculous, simpering platitudes.

He doesn't love his children. Wake up. He wouldn't die for them either but if you died, that's the end of life as they know it. He and you are behaving pathetically and your children deserve better than this for a family.

I imagine he would die for them, less effort than parenting them solo for sure.

This probably hasn’t gone as you wanted OP! But I agree with the basic question that it should be partly about fathers recognising and thanking the mother of their children for their contribution to family life too.

On Father’s Day I want to express my gratitude to my husband for being a good dad to our child and for the happy times that he gives me (as well as them) in doing that.

They really don’t need much parenting these days. They still live at home, at the moment- left and come back due to work relocation. Like their dad, they are perfectly competent around the house. Unlike their dad, they are mainly emotionally and socially competent too. And earn well.

They go to him for financial advice, me for practical or social advice. Both of us for career advice.

Exactly that. It’s downright lazy to outsource Mother’s Day to the kids. Parents support each other’s parenting, and we should be appreciative of the commitment to the joint enterprise of bringing up kids.
My 26yr old husband had a moment of idiocy and mentioning has deflected from the thread’s point, which is that parents should appreciate each other on fathers and Mother’s Day.

Sounds like they've grown up fairly well adjusted against the odds.

I’m not at all talking about the revoltingly named ‘push gifts’.
The 20plus years after carrying and pushing them are pretty intense too.

ok then your adult children should spoil you.

thats what the day is for.

If my DP said that to me, I wouldn’t be having any more children with him. What a horrible, selfish comment to make!

Ok so in this sense he sounds a lot like my AuDHD self!

Goodness me.

I'm confident even though I reckon he tries to be clueless in purpose and the kids whinge he makes sandwiches wrong if I dropped dead tomorrow he'd make it work. Yes they might go to school with the wrong stuff to start but he would get around it. Do men really think they'd have to put their kids up for adoption?

You know they talk about children having a ‘spiky profile’? Some great strengths and some massive weakness? That’s him. Many fabulous qualities and some eye watering deficiencies.

I hesitate to say it, but 4yr old DS worried about having to give up his baby brother, too. Apples and trees. A cat moved in with us and had kittens, and he didn’t want any of them to be rehomed. I said we could only keep one of the three. ‘Kittens are very expensive to look after you know, and the other two will make another family very happy’. He then fretted we might not be able to afford to keep DS2. 🙈

DS2 is now a high earning accountant type, so he’s earned his keep 🤣.

Ok well clearly your husband is Neurodiverse which means certain things don’t come easily to him so the comment about not coping with his DC if you weren’t around needs to be taken in context. As you now have 2 adult sons surely they should acknowledge Mother’s Day rather than your husband?