Mothers’ Day is not ‘nothing to do with husbands’.

[myplace]

I don’t agree Mothers’ Day is for DC to take full responsibility, and nothing to do with husbands.
When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him! Needless to say I firmly pointed out there were lots of alternatives to that, moving back in with his parents for help, getting a nanny etc.

However it’s pretty clear he only has DC (which he wanted) because I enabled that. I carried them. I jiggled work around them. I kept them
Physically alive, to the detriment of my own body. I prioritised them. Alone, he wouldn’t have coped.

I feel he should recognise that on mother's day. All the posts that say dads aren’t responsible for celebrating the mum of their dc are a bit stingy, honestly. AIBU?

Someone with your DHs attitude is too shit a father to still be in your child's life at all. What a pathetic excuse for a human.

He simply couldn’t imagine what to do if he was on his own.

He’s actually been a great dad, apart from a couple of blind spots over the years that I’ve needed to keep an eye on and plug the gaps.

You're deluding yourself.

Sorry your husband is an absolute waster. This happened to me, my wife died when our daughter was three. She’s now nearly 8 and is thriving with me!

I’ve got a great support network around me but still adoption?? FFS so your child would have lost a mum and dad in one go. Kick him up the bloody arse.

Ok Obviously that sentence- which was a shock when he said it- has out weighed everything else.

That doesn’t erase his having been a great, fully present Dad, and our two lovely young adult sons.

I’m really sorry- I can only imagine how tough that was. I believe our extended family would have stepped up and reassured him it was possible. He just couldn’t imagine how it would be done.

And yet you had more than one with him, knowing if you died and they were grieving you, he (I can't bring myself to call him their dad) would put them up for adoption?

Mind blowing.

"DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!"

The fuck have I just read?? Sorry op I stopped reading your post after that gem. He must have a solid gold dick for you to stay with him.

He wouldn’t have. He just needed me to tell him, that first time, that he was an idiot and of course he was not to do that. I spelled out his alternatives and he could see it would work.

This is a man who would go hungry at lunch time if the cheese and peanut butter sandwich makings were not available. He has had the same lunch every day for about 35 years, unless we are on holiday. That’s different, apparently.

Oh there was another gem that blamed undiagnosed autism 🙄

This was 30 years ago, men as single parents were invisible.

Do you mean men as lone parents? What do you mean invisible? Do you think it was standard for fathers to put their children into care if their mother died? Because that’s nonsense.

He wouldn’t have. He just needed me to tell him, that first time, that he was an idiot and of course he was not to do that. I spelled out his alternatives and he could see it would work.

A so called father had to be told not to put his kids up for adoption if you died?

Righto.

Does he not love his own child to take full responsibility for him? He is disgusting.

He's not a great dad if he'd say that awful thing he did. He's a top class shit. How your mothering instincts didn't kick in making you metaphorically tear him apart in rage then get rid of his useless arse i have no idea.

Of course it's nonsense.

There were plenty of widowers raising their own children.

Perhaps they were 'invisible' because they weren't making a song and dance about it.

I would assume your DH is joking!! Or was he deadly serious?

No, I mean that Kramer V Kramer was ground breaking, for a dad being left with the child, that decade.
Motherless Children were often shipped out to other family members, as dad couldn’t be expected to bring them up alone.
Sound of music- motherless dc need a nanny.

Given he’s incapable of buying cheese, I’m guessing this man doesn’t work so on top of doing all the parenting, you’re the sole provider of income?

Another thread on MN where the real issue isn't the topic of the thread.

I couldn't be woth a man who saw his children as something to be disposed of if their mother wasn't in the picture. Wow

The sound of music was 1965, not 1995!

And Kramer V Kramer was 1979

And about divorce, not blokes binning their kids when their wives die.

Ah that chestnut. So offensive but almost always used as an excuse for shitty shithead behaviour when I've genuinely never met someone who is ND who would think such a thing or behave like that.

Op I'm actually disgusted by your DH and tbf it takes a lot for me to have that kind of reaction. He's absolutely vile.

He’s a muppet with a bad imagination and a fondness for trains and cheese sandwiches. What can I say? If I’d known I wouldn’t have married him, but he’s been faithful, reliable, totally unable to dissemble in any way.

He says very little as he clearly unintentionally offends a lot.

Your updates get stranger and stranger- plenty of ND people are great parents.

You had children with someone who can’t even go to the shops and buy lunch ingredients if you’d run out? Bizarre. Would a man like that even understand that other people were “enabling” his life choices like children?

Women are the only ones who can carry babies because of how biology works so being grateful for that is silly unless the woman was forced to have the child in which case she probably doesn’t want reminding.

God no.
He earns pretty well. Saves even better.
Does more house work than me. Buys all his family’s gifts, and ours if I don’t get in quickly. I wish I could damn well stop him shopping as he overbuys, hoards cereal and cheese and cheap cake. Beige crap.

As long as there’s a system or a pattern to follow he’s fine. But the unexpected is completely unmanageable. He hasn’t managed to learn to drive despite years of trying.