Mothers’ Day is not ‘nothing to do with husbands’.

[myplace]

I don’t agree Mothers’ Day is for DC to take full responsibility, and nothing to do with husbands.
When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him! Needless to say I firmly pointed out there were lots of alternatives to that, moving back in with his parents for help, getting a nanny etc.

However it’s pretty clear he only has DC (which he wanted) because I enabled that. I carried them. I jiggled work around them. I kept them
Physically alive, to the detriment of my own body. I prioritised them. Alone, he wouldn’t have coped.

I feel he should recognise that on mother's day. All the posts that say dads aren’t responsible for celebrating the mum of their dc are a bit stingy, honestly. AIBU?

Man is a twat. Woman excuses behaviour of man twat by claiming that he’s autistic (undiagnosed of course). Becoming all too common on here. Probably the same person trolling every time.

You're making him sound like a calamitous but harmless distant relative of Paddington Bear.

He's pathetic.

So in the decade before my son was born, that’s what we were watching on TV.
Lots of nuclear families, as far as I can remember.

I finally understand why people vote ‘you are being unreasonable now’ because they’re just scunnered with it

And as fictional as Paddington

I know. I don't know why I've bitten tbh. I never learn. I'm sure no mother would ever accept her kids dad saying such a thing and passing it off as "oh he's such quirky guy who loves cheese tho"

When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!

The most shocking thing about your post is not your DH, but that you chose to have more children with a man who you knew thought like this. Mental.

Majority of men do not want kids. They only reluctantly agree because the women want them!

You son was born in the same decade as mine.

You're making excuses for how vile your husband was about a child he's supposed to love.

You foolish, foolish woman.

There's not a mother's day gift or card that could ever make up for that, OP. Your husband is shameful and doesn't deserve children at all.

What is it with all these 'shit father' threads lately? Always posted by someone who has no intention of bringing that to a grinding halt. I really hope they aren't real.

And always posted by someone who chose to have more than one child with the excuse for a man.

DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!

Sorry, you fucking what????

So your post should be about how your h should help sort out MD because you’re basically a mum to him rather than men in general who don’t behave like he does.

Saying that if you died, he would put his child up for adoption would kill any love or respect that I had for him. That is a truly disgusting thing to say. How can you look at him in the same way once he said that?

If you divorced, would he just stop seeing his child altogether?

He would've put the baby up for adoption if you died? What have I just read?!

My DH is currently solely looking after our DD as I'm bedbound with a difficult pregnancy. He also works full time, long hours, which we have childcare for as I (usually) also work full time. Obviously if anything happened to me he would become a single dad, keep working with childcare and parenting our children. I'd do the same if roles reversed.

Honestly it's kinda bizarre he would put his own kids up for adoption rather than parent them...

I disagree. Your DH should care about, support and respect you as his wife and mother of his children yes. But that should be an ongoing part if your relationship, not linked to mothers day.
Did your dad do things for your mum on MD? Mine didn't and I don't know anyone who did. I don't know if it's a newer idea or just my circles, but mothers day in my book is purely for children to mothers. And mainly actual children. I think my mum used to send hers a card as an adult, but nothing more than that.

Not at all like Paddington- though I’ve never watched it, only read the books. More like Martin from Friday Night Dinners. Desperately like him.

And yes, he loves his kids and would die for them- as long as he wasn’t surprised by the requirement. He could no more react appropriately in the moment than he could wrestle a bear.

I mean, you must have known people would react to that tidbit of information.

I hear you 100%, but I still think it is dc-dm day, it is all fake when dh try to insinuate themselves into this celebration.

When our firstborn was an infant, I asked DH what he’d do if I fell under a bus (overthinker!). DH said he’d be sad to have to put him up for adoption, but he’d not be able to keep him!

I'd have ended the relationship on the spot, especially since he was the one that wanted DCs. Wants to pass on his genes but not lift a finger or let his own life change or career suffer? That's what that says.

What on earth do you see in him?

My dad was widowed and became a single parent 28 years ago to a 6 and 8 year old. Worked full time with the help from my grandparents. So I dont think the excuse of 30 years ago is a valid excuse for your husband to say he would put your children up for adoption.

it doesn't sound like your husband wanted children....

So fucking what. He's still their father. He may be an idiot who got himself in a positon he didn't want to be in, but he's now an idiot with obligations.

I think new can safely say they’re not. Which makes a mockery of the people who really Are going through hell.