To be a bit shocked at RSVP time frame?

[Ohioatdawn]

I'm a bit taken aback.
DS is in year 8.
He has made a new friend at school recently who he really likes.
Yesterday at school, the new friend invited him to his birthday party which is in 2 months' time.
DS told his friend it sounds good and that he'd ask me and then let the friend know.
I was at work when DS got home from school yesterday and I worked all evening, didn't get home till after DS had gone to bed. I then went to work again first thing this morning and left before DS had woken up.
I got home this afternoon.
So DS couldn't ask me about it until this afternoon when I got back.
DS was really excited and said "Guess what, yesterday at school Michael invited me to his birthday party, it's in 2 months, it sounds really cool, he's going to x y z and it's on X date, he's invited me, Christopher and Josh. Can I go? I said I'd text him after I'd asked you".
Christopher and Josh are 2 of DS's best friends. The new boy has made friends with DS and his 2 friends.
DS wanted to check with me first, as he'd remembered that we had something already arranged for that particular weekend as it's a BH weekend, but he couldn't remember which day.
I checked the date then said yes, of course you can go.
DS texted the friend straight away to tell him yes he can come.
24 hours after being invited.
His friend texted back and said "You can't come now, my mum said you took too long to reply, she's booked it now and didn't book a place for you because you hadn't got back to me in time".
But he only asked DS yesterday.
And DS texted him to say yes at 3pm today.
Is this normal to expect an immediate reply? Within less than 24 hours?
DS is completely gutted. He was so happy to receive this invite!

That seems totally bonkers to me, but maybe I am either out of touch or out of date!

Totally bonkers.

Nope, that's completely batshit bonkers!!

I would never send out an invite for a child's birthday party and expect answers within 24 hours!

That's ridiculous.

Completely ridiculous.

It's two months time. I'll be very surprised if she couldn't just ring up and add one more to it anyway.

Yanbu that's weird

I would guess the child invited yours some time after the original invites went out.

That’s shit.

really shit.

sadly there’s possibly more to it?

Well it depends it what it was and if there was a time limited window to book it in.

It wouldn't surprise if either boy had forgotten to relay this information if it was

Oh thank goodness you all think it's bonkers, I thought it was just me!
I'm feeling really bad that I wasn't around for DS to be able to ask me yesterday evening so that he could've replied in time.
I'm so sorry to see how disappointed he is, and it's worse that his 2 best mates are going because they said yes straight away as soon as the new friend asked them (without checking with their mums first I hasten to add).
I feel like DS has lost out by being considerate towards me/us as a family by wanting to check with me first before saying yes. I was proud of him for explaining to the friend that he'd check with me first then let him know, I thought it showed consideration for our BH plans. When he replied today, I never imagined he'd get told you can't come now my mum said you took too long to reply!
I thought the friend would be pleased DS could go!
DS said he'd been excited about it since being invited yesterday and couldn't wait to ask me.
I'm feeling guilty that he had to wait till today to ask, but at the same time I just feel completely taken aback!
That's that then.
No party invite for DS after all but his 2 best mates and the new friend are all off to enjoy a day out together!
And the 2 friends that are going didn't even bother to ask their mums first, at the age of 12!

That's insane. Did the friend tell dc he needed to know by a certain time? Wonder if there was a limited time frame for booking or something that would explain the crazy

The friend did say to DS "my mum needs to know so let me know".
But he didn't say "By the end of today".
These are 12 year olds though.
I don't expect them to be as accurate as adults when making invites/plans.

Interestingly I tell my kids to say yes and then we can sort it out later. But maybe that’s noT great advice!?

That's odd, maybe she has control issues or something.

Hmm, this may just be me because I’ve had some nasty shit done to me by my ‘friends’ as a kid and I’d be thinking he’s trying to take my friends away from me. Think people call it ‘being Wendy’d’ on here. But I am coming from a cynical position on this.

What weird thing to happen. You couldn’t possibly jump to this woman’s tune going forward though so not a great friendship from a logistics point of view.

Can you speak to the mum and say you hadn't realised she needed a reply right then / that your son was trying to do the right thing by not messing them around if the date did clash?

I'm in the bonkers camp. You could talk to the mum, saying you wanted to check that what DS had told you was correct and that you had been at work the day the invite arrived.

Sounds odd. Can only assume maybe the friend was supposed to ask sooner but maybe forgot but didn't tell mum so she just thought you were being slow to reply when she asked who was going. However as it is 2 months away it does seem a bit soon to know numbers, though maybe they have planned something expensive and want to spread the cost?
I would wonder how real the invite is/ever was as it all sounds child led with no adult communicating to confirm plans (though my children aren't this age so maybe I don't know how it works in secondary school).

Poor kid. That’s a really shit thing for the mum to have done if she knew she was going to be potentially letting kids down, which I assume she did! I think some adults get a kick out of the control they have over control. It’s weird. I feel sorry for your son.

Madness. It’s DDs birthday in May, I’ve booked it yesterday, she’ll put out invites next week so they go out before the Easter Holidays, with an RSVP of end of April which will give me 2 weeks to backfill any spaces if needed.

To be fair we are only hearing a 3rd hand version of events, too little information to be slagging someone off.

Maybe @Ohioatdawn has done this by now but I'd contact the party mum to clarify the situation and see if it really is too late to add another person

My guess is this is some bullshit from the kid rather than the mum. Maybe he's trying to break up the friendship group and never wanted your son to go. (Although my own secondary school dramas might be clouding my judgement!). That or actually he was supposed to ask his friends ages ago and forgot and hence his mum was keen to book. Or maybe he's only actually allowed 2 friends and was just waiting to see who was quickest.

Do you have any way to contact the mum??

That seems really mean. I expect there has been some sort of mix up. Maybe the friend has invited more people than he was supposed to.