To switch my phone off when I’m going through a hard time?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

Sometimes I just need space but people seem to take it personally. Is it unreasonable to go off-grid for a bit when life feels overwhelming?

Not at all, you don't need to be contactable 24/7 if you don't want to be. I hope life gets back on a more even keel for you soon.

It's your phone for your convenience.

Switch it off when you damn well please.

Are these people worried about you because they can't contact you?

Are your people concerned about you or just chatting? If you are going through stuff maybe answer some messages to reassure them, but if it's just chat and noise its fine just to disengage

Who is telling you YABU and why?

Fair enough but pre warn people that you’re taking some space.

I get that but sometimes I just need space to process things. I don’t mean to worry anyone - I just don’t always have the energy to talk. Is it unreasonable to expect people to respect that?

It is not unreasonable to switch your phone off whenever you like!

It’s a mix - some genuinely worry but others just don’t like not having instant access. I don’t mind reassuring people but sometimes I just need a break from constant messages. Does that make sense?

Some people seem to take it personally when I go off-grid, like it’s a reflection on them rather than just me needing space. I get that sudden silence can be worrying but sometimes I just need to step back without having to explain myself every time.

YANBU

Unless you're the type to send a cryptic message and then turn your phone off, worrying the fuck out of everyone.

But if you just don't want it on then that's fair enough.

...I just don’t always have the energy to talk. Is it unreasonable to expect people to respect that?

Absolutely not, I find that the introduction of mobile phones has led a lot of people to feel that everyone should be contactable 24/7 but this isn't the case, sometimes people just need time and space to process things and that is OK.

it depends.. without asking too many questions, when you 'go off grid', how is your mood? do people worry about you? are you likely to cause yourself harm?

and as @TeapotTitties says Unless you're the type to send a cryptic message and then turn your phone off, worrying the fuck out of everyone.

then yes YABU.

A friend of mine does this. He struggles with his mental health. The first time he did it I was so worried that I left a message for his MH caseworker and he called me straight back. Together we decided to contact the police to do a welfare check. I was genuinely terrified that he had taken his own life.

He is much more stable now but also knows how much I worry, so he tells me he needs to be alone.

If you know which of your friends are calling out of concern then just bloody text them!

Yes that makes sense as long as you are alright and not cutting yourself off then just switch off your phone be busy or whatever .

I get why people worry but it’s not about being cryptic or dramatic - I just need space sometimes. I’m not in danger or anything, I just don’t always have the energy to be available 24/7. Is that really so unreasonable?

but surely, you know who your friends are? do you actually need to turn off your phone? why can you not turn off notifications? put it on silent mode? set it too do not disturb?

i am sure there are people who really care for you and worry when you go quiet?

you are an adult i assume, you can chose not to answer your phone? you don't have to go dark or quiet, you can pick and chose who you respond too? going quiet is a littel dramtic

I'd explain it to people in a more general sense. Tell them you're not someone who carries your phone with you at all times and you're not instantly contactable in general, that sometimes you switch it off completely for an extended period of time to take some space and there's no need to worry when you do this. If people are taking it personally after that, they're an arsehole.

Their need to reassure themselves that you're still alive doesn't trump your need for some space. You're allowed to centre yourself in your own life. If you've warned them in advance that it's part of your personality/normal behaviour for you, then they should accept it. If they can't accept it, they need to end the relationship between you and not have any contact with you at all. What they can't do is start telling you how you must behave, that's your choice not theirs.

Same goes for answering the door if they show up uninvited, having been unable to get you on the phone. It doesn't matter if you're home, it doesn't matter if they know you're home, if you don't feel like talking to anyone you don't have to answer the door.

If you wanted to you could re-record your voicemail before switching off the phone, to say "I'm taking a break from socialising right now, drop me an email if you want and I'll get back to you when I'm ready". That way anyone genuinely concerned about your health and wellbeing has a way of raising that and getting reassured at a later date. Don't feel you have to do this though, if you don't want to.

I think its fine to be unavailable,

I do know who my friends are, and I appreciate their concern, but sometimes I just need a proper break without constant notifications. DND is fine but fully switching off helps me disconnect properly. Why is that seen as dramatic?

Perfectly all right to turn your phone off any time you like. I can't believe we've now got to a stage where people feel guilty about needing peace and quiet, away from the damn phone!

Mine's pretty well always on Do Not Disturb, and frequently switched off. I don't want to be at the beck and call of anyone and I'm feeling OK, it would be even worse if I were having a hard time.
If anyone wants to get a message to me, they can leave a voicemail and I'll pick it up when I feel like it. Or send an email and I'll read it at some point.
Other people do not get to dictate what you do about your phone, especially on the pretext of "We're worried about you" nonsense!!

You do what you need to for you

No one else, you

The only thing I’d say is that you should pre-warn people. This is because A) they might worry B) they might actually be hoping for/ needing some support from you.

if you just turn your phone off you are kind of assuming that you are the only one with troubles and that everyone else will just happily get on with life not hearing from you. Also you run the risk of making your friends worry they might have done something to upset you themselves.

At least by warning them you can make it clear 1. You are safe 2. They need to lean on someone else for the time being if they are in need to support themselves 3. You aren’t annoyed with them.

to put it bluntly... in the past, when you have needed your break, have you harmed yourself? if the answer is yes, then of course your friends are going to worry about you when you go quiet. and prior to going quiet, do you send a message to these friends saying something like 'im struggling, i'm going to take some time out'. you can understand why your friends then worry?? can you not?

however, if your friends know you need these breaks, know you are not a risk to yourself or others and they know that in a few days time or a week you will pop back up again with no issues.... then crack on.

what happened previously? have these friends just left you alone or have they come knocking at your door asking if you are ok?

if you want to turn off your phone, turn it off. but turn it off without drama and announcements, because its not fair to leave friends and family worrying about you.

I get why people worry and I do appreciate their concern. I don’t send cryptic messages or disappear dramatically - I just need space sometimes. I’m not putting myself in danger, just stepping back. It feels like people expect constant availability and I don’t think that’s fair either.