To switch my phone off when I’m going through a hard time?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

Sometimes I just need space but people seem to take it personally. Is it unreasonable to go off-grid for a bit when life feels overwhelming?

then thats fine... turn your phone off!

Actually when your head is done in, even the sound of it ringing or a text popping up is enough to drive a person mad. It's also a lot easier when overwhelmed to just hit the off switch than to fiddle around with settings so only certain notifications pop up or only calls from certain people get through.

It's also not about choosing whether to respond to a text or missed call. It's about the pressure of knowing you have one. It's about having to read the contents of a text to be able to decide whether or not to respond.

It's about picking up a text or voicemail from some worrier and wanting to reassure them (because they're worried and you're not an arsehole) but simultaneously not wanting to communicate with anyone at all for any reason and needing to be left alone.

It's about being able to recover from feeling overwhelmed, not prolonging it due to all these well-meaning but anxious people who just can't accept that someone doesn't want to talk right now and expects you to fix their anxiety for them by responding in some way.

It's knowing that CuntyMcCunt-Face has texted wanting a CF favour and knowing that they'll be annoyed you didn't respond or when you do respond saying no. Stressing you out further at a time you just want peace.

It's knowing that both CuntyMcCunt-Face and MsWorry-Wort will keep texting or phoning until they get a response, meaning you just can't relax.

Sometimes switching off the phone is the only way to get the peace you need. It's not dramatic. It's not being done for effect or to generate feelings-of-whatever in other people or to manipulate them in any way. It's just some people's chosen way of successfully managing their own lives and emotional state. It's not about other people, its about the owner of the phone. What's dramatic about self-sufficiently making your own life work for you?

Are we talking hours, days, weeks?

Can people contact you in an emergency?

Just tell your friend you are overwhelmed and that you won't be answering your phone for a few days it's simple, do you usually blow hot and cold? Maybe your friends worry about you or just don't understand you but you do seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill just turn it off!

But why not just sent a text, you can even have it pre-written, saying, 'I'm ok, just needing to switch off for a bit'?

Why not create respect for your needs without creating fear and distress for others? I mean, of course you're entitled to turn off your phone at any time, but you do risk alienating friends if you make them worry too often. And as a mum, wife and sister, I would find it really crap of you to worry me unnecessarily.

It's all very dramatic isn't it?

Usually just a few days. And yes, if it’s truly an emergency, there are ways to reach me. I’m not vanishing off the face of the earth, just taking a break from constant messages.

I do let people know when I need space but some still take it personally. It’s not about blowing hot and cold - it’s just about needing a break sometimes.

Not unreasonable at all. Do what helps you. The people who have issue with that can deal.

I get that and I do try to let people know when I need space. But sometimes, even when I do, people still take it personally or push for more. It’s not about creating distress - it’s just about needing a proper break without constant expectations.

Then if you've done that and they're taking it personally or pushing for more, it's not your problem.

The one caveat I would add, though, is that I sense there's some history here that might give them reason to be concerned? If that's the case, I do wonder if it's possible to find a way to care for yourself and still nurture your relationships. It's about finding a balance of what you need and not alienating the people you love.

I do see what you’re saying and I appreciate the perspective. I guess it’s just frustrating when I try to set boundaries and still feel like I’m expected to be available all the time. I do value my relationships but sometimes I just need a proper break without feeling guilty for it.

This was exactly what I was going to say.
I am actually experiencing this problem with a very close friend. It’s hard to know whether I should take her radio silence personally or not. She is aware that I have had a really scary time recently with very close family but her lack of interest is quite concerning and out of character.
She is having a rough time with health issues but now everything is improving.
I have been very supportive throughout.
If she said or messaged’I am having time out’ I would stop worrying about her .🤷‍♀️
I have lost the quote I was quoting 🤦‍♀️

This was the post I meant to quote.

I'm foing to get picky here.

Why does it matter? Why can't OP be themselves, taking as much time out as they need to? If people don't want to be friends with OP due to the length of taking time out, that's their decision. It still doesn't mean OP is doing anything intrinsically wrong.

What does it matter if people can contact OP in an emergency? Unless OPs job is being their carer or they're OPs dependent minor children or something like that, then OP isn't responsible for them in any way.

If there's an emergency and they'd like to contact OP for help and can't, that still doesn't mean OP did anything wrong. OP is not obliged to be there, waiting in the wings just-in-case, for someone's hour of need.

Obviously in switching off the phone OP knows they could miss eg a chance to say goodbye to a dying relative, but really how likely is that to happen (and is there anyone OP is sufficiently close to to mind about that)? It's a risk OP chooses to take and if that did happen, they're not coming across as the type to then blame others for why they didn't know.

And bluntly, if someone has already died, they will be no less dead by OP finding out a month later, when the phone is switched back on and emails checked. All it means is that OP won't have had that devestating news dropped on at a time when peace was already desperately needed.

Do it!! The only reason I keep my phone on me always is in case my elderly mum needs to get hold of me. Otherwise I’d gladly switch it off regularly / throw it into a ravine

I totally get it (from experience). You may lose some ‘friends’ along the way as they don’t get it and that’s ok. You’ll find your people who will understand you and your needs and allow you the space you need.
unfortunately many people don’t understand that the phones are for their owner’s convenience and not anyone else’s. Even my mother says when she calls and I don’t answer she feels ‘rejected’ 🙄. If she refuses to respect my needs it’s on her.

@Garliccheeseandabagel - well of course, strictly speaking, it doesn't matter - OP is free to do whatever she likes.

But actions have consequences. You can't just shut yourself off for days (or more) at a time and expect people to still be waiting for you when you decide you can be bothered again.

Of course if OP isn't bothered about that, then fair enough.

@Whoknowsbecauseidont your friend's health improving means she now has time to pause and breathe. She's ready to recover from her ordeal. It doesn't mean she's suddenly got the bandwidth to support you. Neither does the fact you supported her mean she owes you. She may no longer need your support right now (or maybe she does but isn't bothering you because she's aware you have your own shit going on) but she still needs her time and energy for herself and her recovery at the moment. You're going to have to lean on someone else for support this time.

OP your phone is off for days?! You know what I do when I text or leave a voicemail and it isn't answered for days? I assume the person is busy and will get back to me soon. That's it. No fuss, no drama, no angst. Unbelievable your copping all this hassle over a few days!

But actions have consequences. You can't just shut yourself off for days (or more) at a time and expect people to still be waiting for you when you decide you can be bothered again.

I can and I do - and guess what? They are still there. Because I'm not surrounded by dramatic arses who can't cope with waiting for a reply.

I'm also not involved with people who primarily conduct friendships via social media. I prefer in-person friendships. So I'm not bothered if someone takes offense at not being able to chat with me day and night via WhatsApp or Messenger.

Errr where did I say ‘ she owes me ‘ ?
Read the last sentence of my post before commenting! I absolutely do not think that she owes me but I am worried about her . As I said ,I am concerned about friend,you don’t know me or my friend and the dynamics of our close friendship.

ok thanks

Good grief! I never said you said she owes you. You implied it though, saying how you're going through a tough time and you supported her during her tough time. I was merely commenting (because replies are to everyone who may be reading, not a private message to you personally) that a person doesn't owe someone support just because they've received support from them. Yes, I used your friend as an example, because I was commenting on your post and because you'd implied it. I did read your post before commenting, all of it. No, I don't know you or your friend or the dynamics, but I can take an educated guess and was trying to reassure you that there's unlikely to be any need for you to worry. Most worry, about anything, is pointless.

Ok so if you reread your reply then surely you can see why I picked up on the ‘owes you’ comment! I was not implying anything,just giving an example of our friendship and how we are very supportive towards each other.

But it's clearly not working for OP and her situation, otherwise she wouldn't be posting on here and asking about it

People aren't "dramatic arses" just because they conduct their friendships in a different way to you, BTW.