Mother's Day - should school do more?

[inquisitiveinga]

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not going to complain regarding this matter, I understand that teachers may have completely valid reasons for the below. My child's teacher is also FANTASTIC, she doesn't have children, and I can't help but think that due to this she perhaps doesn't understand the value of a handmade card?

My child has come home from school today and it's very clear that nothing has been prepared for Mother's Day, at least where their class is concerned. Usually a "beautiful" card comes home and it really makes my day.

Personally, I'm not bothered. I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who will not doubt ensure I have something from my 7 year old, and 1 year old (although I'm not really sure anything from her is warranted!). However, I can't help but think about single mothers in the class who may not receive anything (and who absolutely should).

AIBU to even be having this thought process?

I wouldn't allow children to make cards in school if any of the children's mothers were dead or estranged. That's something that actually matters.

I’ve been teaching in primary schools a long time and have always made Mother’s Day cards. It’s a lovely tradition and they learn about the history of Mothering Sunday and how it’s celebrated around the world. They’ve written poems using adjectives and similes and then I filmed them reading them out & I’ll send to each parent on Mother’s Day. It covers lots of the curriculum, including art or DT.

This is the first year I won't be receiving a card since my child was age 3 because they are now in year 2 and school haven't made them create one.

If I really wanted one, I would remind them and ask them if they wanted to create one at home, but I also don't feel that bothered. I know they love me and when they are old enough I am sure they will be thoughtful enough to make or buy a card.

I understand what PP are saying about delicate family situations as my child has this issue around Father's Day. Their dad is in prison for what he did to them, and also to me. They will not have any contact with him again as a child, so there is a lot of grief and shame around not having a dad.

Edited to add: if necessary, my child would make a Father's Day card for her grandad or for her uncle.

Child in year 3 and nothing came back today, pretty sure they didn’t last year either. I did in nursery, reception and year 1. I agree that children aged 7/8 can do one themselves at home, and there is more curriculum to cover. Local library always has a Mother’s Day craft session which single mothers could take their child to. Or beavers/ guides - I always get something brought home the session before Mother’s Day. This year was a cookie and a card :)

This is also a really good point.

What's the difference to you between explaining mother's day to your child and steering them towards it and the school doing it?

Youre a mum. It's your job to teach your son or daughter what to expect in life. If you think they should value mothers day then you need to teach them.

Sorry to be a killjoy but there are a lot of kids behind in the curriculum that can't afford to waste valuable, qualified teaching resource time to doodling a card that is not part of the curriculum.

Not every child has a mother

So no school should definitely not be organising anything

The same goes for Fathers Day

YABVU

Ofsted have ruined this sort of thing. It used to be expected and normal. But unfortunately they expect every minute to be provable learning and school’s have just become too under pressure to do the ‘nice stuff’ anymore. It’s part of a much wider issue with over pressurised education.

I am a single mother and Id want the school to not do anything for it, at all. Because they will also do something for Fathers day. And that might become an issue.

I dont think it should fall within the schools purview to celebrate mothers day or fathers day or anything of the sort.

And obviously, you were clearly bothered, since you went to the trouble of making a thread about it!

@Waitingforthecold

And would it also be a great opportunity to have a conversation about death ? There are also mothers that are dealing with extremely difficult situations such as alcoholism or severe mental health issues and actually chose not to be with their children. Teachers have enough to deal with without adding to the list. Cards can be made at home or bought in a shop.

I’m in my 50s and my mum didn’t get anything for Mother’s Day until my db and I were old enough to get it ourselves
We never made cards or anything in school.

My kids made cards at home for me if they wanted.
I usually just topped up the art materials for them so there was always enough.

What would be the learning value in a child making a card for you, as in what would they actually learn from the activities they would need to do to make a card that is listed on the national curriculum?

Realistically, there isn't any, which is why a school isn't able to spend time on stuff like this. I don't mean this in a nasty way, but as someone who just left teaching, I know that schools have to be able to evidence a learning objective for every single thing they do. If there isn't any learning from it, it won't be happening or they will get criticised by Ofsted.

I'm not saying I agree with this btw, but it's what schools are dealing with these days.

No it’s nothing to do with school. Also, think about the kids that don’t have mothers or fathers (my DH died when my kids were 4 and 6, and two other children in my eldest’s class didn’t have mothers).

As a single mum years ago I used to give my two a couple of pounds in pound land and stand at the door waiting for them while they went round the shop and paid. They loved it as did I.
it was never ever schools responsibility and never should be

"This is really heartless. The 'minority' you're so keen to disparage includes children who have lost parents in tragic circumstances, or who have been removed from their parents and into the care of social services. It's more common than you might think, and as parents you don't know the full picture.
As teachers, we put the wellbeing of all of our children above the demands of tantrum-throwing parents. I appreciate the point about single parents, but they are still adults who are more capable of handling tricky emotions than children are."

OP seems to be ignoring comments like this - which is a pity.
YABU

Well yes perhaps? Or perhaps not everything needs to be villainised.

like I said, I don’t feel strongly one way or another about whether cards should be made in schools, I just think the harm in doing so is been massively overestimated here.

we co-exist with people living very different lives to ours all the time, children need exposure and experience to understand how to do this. I was simply suggesting it is probably a low stakes activity that would provide opportunity to harbour skills like empathy whilst also been exposed to the many different family make ups (I’m not saying the activity needs to be pitched in a way that overtly does this, but it’s an example of how we are naturally exposed to such things).

death, trauma etc. are a part of life and avoiding anything that might possibly shine a light on that isn’t helpful to anyone! Children without mums can see their peers celebrating their mothers, in the same way children with mums can see their peers grieving (for example) it’s not going to contribute to anyone’s trauma - it makes us more human

They would be encouraged to make a card for someone who is special to them.
It is usually handled very sensitively

In the infants it slots easily into something they're doing

@Neveranynamesleft

also, it’s a bit of a silly argument. Children without mothers have clearly faced some sort of adversity, whether this has been traumatic or not. They exist in a world where most people have mothers, is it not doing them a bit of a disservice to just ignore it completely because adults are uncomfortable with negative emotion? They need to learn how to navigate situations when they arise later, because ‘I don’t have a mum so I refuse to acknowledge the existence of mums’ is a bit wild as an adult, no?

Our primary school made the decision a few years ago to not make mothers or father's day cards as it's a popular school for foster carers to have children at. It's rare that there's not at least 5 children attending at anyone time who are either in the care of a different family member or in foster care. I know there were at least 3 in my own daughters year group.

@Waitingforthecold

It isn't a silly argument at all. However, your comments are rather ignorant.

Why put them through this unnecessarily though.
Thats just cruel

Parents need to accept they are the adults and are more capable of dealing with the emotion of not getting a card than a child should of being reminded they don’t have a parent.

I wonder how precious people cope when it’s their birthday. Or do they email the school and expect a card that day too

Do they? I’m interested to hear how. I’m not trying to be provocative and do feel that I’ve put forward some valid points.

we can both have different opinions without either one of us been ignorant

So you think teachers chose not to make cards as they can't handle negative emotions..ie...a 6 year old crying asking where their mother is ?

you've misunderstood me. I have said a couple of times that I don’t have an opinion on cards necessarily. I just think as a concept it’s not cruel to acknowledge the existence of something that one child has or celebrates that another child doesn’t and I think more often than not there are subtle learning opportunities when we allow for this.

take another, less emotive example - I allowed my child to partake in the nativity despite not believing in god (and in actual fact having significant family trauma connected to organised religion!) since been involved we’ve had several conversations about a the existence of god, religion, why we don’t believe in god, why it’s okay if she wants to, the importance of been respectful regardless of what you believe etc etc.

just another perspective!