To think this is really ignorant of my MiL?

[Countingmysiblings]

This has gotten under my skin, so I’m asking if IABU?

I’ve been married to my DH for 27 years, together 31. I know my PIL, and my DH’s siblings well. There’s only 1 of me, and lots of them and I’m telling you now, if I went on Mastermind with them as my specialist subject I’d win because over the years I’ve had to listen to their every detail.

Also, I’ve spent lots of time with them. Holidays, days out, weekends away. My PIL once stayed with me for a month and spent all day, every day with me and my DC.

So, last week I was talking and my MIL turned to me and said “I didn’t know you had more than one sibling”. Now seriously, WTF? I talk about my family all the time. They are awesome.

This is the tip of the iceberg though. She couldn’t tell you what my mum is called, where I’m from or what my sibling(s) names are.

I’m not even sure if she didn’t actually know I’ve got 3 siblings. I think she deliberately said it to me because to remind me that I’m a nobody (I reckon she’s a narcissist).

I’m just gobsmacked that after all these years, she has taken absolutely ZERO interest in me, or she’s not given up on trying to put me in my place…..in the scullery.

P.S. She knows all about her Dd’s partners.

AIBU

Wow.

Self centred much (MIL)

My MIL is a narc and absolutely refuses to talk to me about me or ask me any questions at all. Honestly she barely knows anything about me at all. She refuses to acknowledge my (senior) job role but if my colleague and very close friends
visits when she’s here she will ask him lots about what he does at work, how things are going etc. She will even offer him a cup of team in my own home and not make me one 😂

That's quite shocking imo

Presumably you laughed straight in her face and asked if she’s worried at all about her memory loss?

My late ILs were exactly like this. They never once asked me a question about myself. Literally didn’t ask about my family, what I did for work, where I studied etc.

I knew they for over twenty years and we got on really well- they just had zero interest in people other than themselves.

Even once DH and I moved in together- they never asked if we bought or rented our house.

I always found it utterly bizarre.

The Mastermind bit made me laugh.

Honestly @Countingmysiblings , I know where you're coming from. My DP is one of 5 siblings, and along with their partners and (now grown up) children, they are a force majeure. They are all as thick as thieves, and while they are always polite and sociable on the face of things, I'm definitely aware of my place on the outskirts of the family. They think they know me but they don't. Personally, I now take it all with a pinch of salt, and kind of watch on their family shenanigans with objectivity. It can be amusing at times. Can you look on things from that point of view?

You should have laughed and said “oh they are pretty amazing, so I don’t like to go about them! “

she is clearly not interested in anything but herself, so laugh it off.

Accept her opinion that you are a nobody. See how much effort dh makes for her in your absence.. Buy not one card or gift from today... Don't even lift a kettle when they visit.

I empathise. I can honestly say that my PIL have never asked a single question about my life or my family. Nothing.

What age is your MIL? Maybe she genuinely should be concerned about memory issues?

”Oh gosh. We’ve discussed this lots of times. How is your memory generally?”

I absolutely adored my ex DPs family. Same as you OP - bloody loads of them. And his mum was exactly the same as your MIL. It's only since me and DP split up that I've come to the realisation he wasn't the only covert narcissist in the family, and very obvious where he got it from

I agree with previous posters. I’d throw “omg I think you should get tested for dementia, you’re getting worse and worse. You don’t seem to be able to remember ANYTHING nowadays. I’d be really worried if my mum was as bad as you…”

Hmm… do your DM and siblings know your MIL’s name and how many siblings your DH has?

It seems strange that your MIL knows all about her other DC’s partners yet in 31 years she hasn’t met your family enough times to know how many siblings you have or your DM’s name.

Do you keep yours and DHs family completely separate? Do they not mix ever? We always had both families over for bbqs, kids birthdays, Christmas etc so they all know each other well!

Turn smile, 'awwww really? That's ok' bigger smiler, hand on her arm, 'it's because you're too busy talking and thinking about yourself Susan, to either listen or care', warm smile, 'but don't worry about it dear'.

That’s insane and not normal. I’ve been with my husband 7 years and PIL know all my families names and ask how everyone is, updates etc. Know about new jobs or health issues or moving house etc. they regularly ask how they are and sometimes send my family a Christmas card

She's never met them in 30 years?

Why do you even bother with her?

But... surely she's met your parents and siblings at some point in the 31 years you've been together? You're married. Weren't your family at your wedding?! Have you never had any events at which both sets of parents/siblings were present?

My MIL had OCD and found it difficult focusing on anything or anyone else, so asked me every time we spoke on the phone to remind her what my job was. The answer was ’a librarian’, but after the first seven trillion times I started replying ‘a high-class streetwalker’. She managed to remember that …

Thiiiis. "Well, you used to know Muriel, because we were talking about my sister Jane's birthday just a week ago, and not long before that I showed you a picture of my brother James and his new dog.... has this sort of thing been happening to you a lot lately...?"

That's outrageous. I can tell you the number of and names of most of my colleagues' siblings and I'm only in the office 4 days a month! How can you know so little about someone after 3 decades?!

What does she know about you?!

Surely both families have been together at Christmas or kids birthdays?

I am in a similar situation with an in law. It’s insulting, but at least you know where you stand. It’s their loss.