To think this is really ignorant of my MiL?

[Countingmysiblings]

This has gotten under my skin, so I’m asking if IABU?

I’ve been married to my DH for 27 years, together 31. I know my PIL, and my DH’s siblings well. There’s only 1 of me, and lots of them and I’m telling you now, if I went on Mastermind with them as my specialist subject I’d win because over the years I’ve had to listen to their every detail.

Also, I’ve spent lots of time with them. Holidays, days out, weekends away. My PIL once stayed with me for a month and spent all day, every day with me and my DC.

So, last week I was talking and my MIL turned to me and said “I didn’t know you had more than one sibling”. Now seriously, WTF? I talk about my family all the time. They are awesome.

This is the tip of the iceberg though. She couldn’t tell you what my mum is called, where I’m from or what my sibling(s) names are.

I’m not even sure if she didn’t actually know I’ve got 3 siblings. I think she deliberately said it to me because to remind me that I’m a nobody (I reckon she’s a narcissist).

I’m just gobsmacked that after all these years, she has taken absolutely ZERO interest in me, or she’s not given up on trying to put me in my place…..in the scullery.

P.S. She knows all about her Dd’s partners.

AIBU

She has dementia right?

You've made me think about my PIL, I don't think they'd know how many siblings I had, or anything about my parents despite them being at family gatherings together. I just don't think they put any importance on finding things out about me.

On the other hand my parents know everything about my DH and his family.

@Countingmysiblings do you know how many siblings she has and what her mothers name is?

Why should they? They might not get on. Just because you love you OH and s/he loves you doesn't guarantee ones family members will get on with you or onez relarives! Have you never read MN?!!
They might live 100s of miles apart.
They might have nothing in common
Mine and DHs family have barely met in aeons, which suits everyone. I cannot countenance mixed family get-togethers - my idea of hell!

Bit confused here...
Is there 1 of you, as you said, or do you have siblings?
Jetlagged, so brain may be mis-firing!

I think you should act very concerned and say to her that given the number of times you’ve mentioned your family and your siblings and now that she’s forgotten you’re worried she might have early stage dementia

She sounds " indifferent" to you......you are there to fulfil a need as a partner to her son that is it. Maybe she sees less in common with you e.g. do her other kids partners have higher social status, more money, highly educated? You don't have to put in so much emotional effort if she is like this ...cards. presents, time

I agree. I doubt my PILs could tell you anything much about my family. My parents are dead but I don't imagine they could have named DH's siblings either. The two sets of parents met each other maybe 3 times in total. They were polite but had nothing much in common and no real interest in each other.
My siblings have met DH's siblings once, at our wedding 33 years ago, and they probably only spoke briefly then as they'd all have had friends and relatives of their own to talk to. Just because two people fall in love there's no particular reason that their families should be close. It doesn't offend me in the slightest that my in laws aren't interested in my family. My family aren't interested in them either. There's no feud or anything, just no relationship. I don't think that's particularly unusual or anything to be concerned about.
Likewise I met my DD's FIL and SIL for the first time at the wedding. I've met her MIL twice. They live hundreds of miles away. I have nothing against them, I'm sure they're perfectly nice people, but we're never going to be friends.

There’s only 1 of me, and lots of them

See, you're already downplaying your own family here. I assumed you didn't have any at this point in your OP.

Maybe have a big get together at your place and invite them all. And start making it a regular thing.

My mom and dad are like this…

My PILs are the opposite. I married well!

It baffles me how people can be so self centred but then I remember the pandemic and how people behaved with toilet roll… :)

Not sure what ignorant has to do with it, I’d say it sounds like she is very self-absorbed though.

I don’t understand this either, I had to go back and check. OP said there was only them then said about the siblings.

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest but if it bothers you, say the memory thing.

My MIL is the same.

One of my best friends died at christmas, she lived a few doors away, was a massive part of mine and my dd's life on a daily basis. My dh had told his mum at the time, it had been on my social media.

But when a disagreement happened because I wasn't available for them because i was dealing with my dd's upset (she didn't speak for a month) she tried to say she didn't know friend and I were even close.

Frankly I would stop being so attentive to her and her info. It's not worth the investment

I think she means she is expected to know endless info about hundreds of her mil family but there is only 1 of her to know stuff about and they can't be bothered to know it

My brain must not be working, I thought the point was that she wants them to know about her wider family (hence not just her) but that does make a bit more sense.

I’m gonna call nonsense on the, “haven’t they met?” questions. I have good friends who live long distance from me.

And I still manage to remember how many siblings they have, nieces and nephews, and their spouses extended family members. Not always all their names and I may be off on ages, but good grief, it is possible. All that’s needed is to actually give a damn about the person and listen when they speak. Not complicated!

How old is she? MIL is 90 and has known me and her other DIL and SIL for about 30 years and longer. She recently told me she doesn’t known them well and also couldn’t remember my Dads name (she knows him well and invited him to a recent celebration.

She is elderly and has cognitive decline. Could that be your situation?

There’s one of her in the context of meetings with his family.

Yes you don’t have to meet peoples families to know about them. I know lots of things about my colleagues families but will never meet them.

my mum has known my mil since 1997 but still gets her name slightly wrong. She’s self absorbed. I find it really rude.

No she’s not, when she meets his family there is one of her. It’s a fact not an opinion.

My FIL is the same, but then he’s a classic narcissist.

Yes it's really ignorant of your MIL. In contrast my MIL and FIL came to my sisters wedding, they have even met my sisters parents in laws, at other occasions and we all live 600 miles away from each other. What does your dh think about his mother's attitude?

@Needspaceforlego This isn’t true for all families 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just because it’s normal for some, doesn’t mean it’s normal for others.

DH and I were together for 15 years before getting married - lived together for 14 of those. Our parents met for the first time on our (very short registry office) wedding day five years ago and haven’t seen each other since.

We have Christmas on our own with our young DCs. DCs birthdays are spent with us and friends. Grandparents are always invited but never make an effort to come (all live within 10 minute drive) as they would rather live their own lives than be involved with ours. Families are all different.

Just say yes I have but I don’t feel the need to tell everyone everything. My closest circle know me well

Yes, I can name every one of my MIL’s siblings, their partners, their DC and their partners and their DGC. Ditto for FIL. They talk about them all the time. If you get me an A3 bit of paper I can draw a family tree.

PIL have met my parents about 5 times, my siblings twice over the years. They live 100’s miles apart.

“There’s only 1 of me” as in they only have to put up with 1 of me, whereas I’m expected to include, and listen to them go on about all of them.

I regularly talk about my siblings. Whenever I join in conversations, I will talk about my own family, my siblings and their DC. They just aren’t interested, or listening. Another one, is that they don’t get my birthday right despite my DH correcting them numerous times.

I’ve put up with a lot of indifference to me and now I just can’t be f@cked with it. I just don’t want to hang out with people who make me feel shit.