To think that most people aren’t naturally good listeners - just occasionally competent at it?

[QuickPlayer]

I’ve noticed that while people can listen, it’s often just on a surface level or in certain moments. Most of the time, they’re waiting for their turn to speak, thinking about their own experiences, or offering solutions rather than actually hearing what’s being said.

It’s not that people are bad at listening - it’s just not their default mode. They might be engaged in a deep conversation here and there, but day to day, true active listening seems rare.

AIBU to think that being a naturally good listener is actually quite uncommon?

Yep.
Most people are thinking about what they want to say instead of listening.

We're all over stimulated & disengaged for the most part.

Including me.

I don’t think its that uncommon, but then I’m fussy about who I have around me, I think I’m very clear about why I’m telling someone something, and most of the time, it’s nothing that could possibly be seen as requiring ‘advice’, or a ‘solution’.

I’m a good listener, but I’m actually interested, if not in the story, in what it reveals about the teller, or the circumstances, or a particular worldview. I mean, I know my own stories already, so its not that I’m on fire to trot them out.

True listening has to be learnt I think. I learnt it when I trained in neighbourhood mediation; a valuable skill.

Communication involves both speaking & listening skills. Unfortunately, many do not shut up!

Listening with 100% attention is a conscious act and has to be taught

Sometimes you just want a casual chat without it being an in depth therapy session.

If im interested in what they are saying im a very good listener imo. However if i have no interest i really struggle to maintain focus and look interested.

Sorry, what did you say?