To think that friends can be more like family than actual family?

[ThatJoyousCyanReader]

Growing up, we’re told that “family is everything,” but in my experience, friends have been far more accepting, loving, and reliable than my own relatives. My family might share my DNA, but they don’t always show up when it counts, whereas my friends have been there through thick and thin.

I know not everyone has a difficult family but am I wrong to feel that people you choose to have in your life often end up being more like family than the ones you’re born into?

Well I used to think so but not any more :-(

I disagree OP.

Family would do anything for me and I prioritise them.

I love my friends & they are different to my family but I think some families make sacrifices for each other that friends don't tend to do.

Sometimes a friend can be more like a family member in some ways. My godfather was more like an uncle to me than either of my two uncles, for example.

100%.
DSis and I get along just fine, but we’ve never really been friends who want to hang out with each other outside of family events 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a close friend I met on our first day of basic training and I think of her as my family. 15 years of friendship, we’ve been together through it all, marriages, kids, divorces, deaths of other friends and family members - she really is my ride or die.
She’s the type of friend where I’ll stroll into her house without knocking and go put the kettle on 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 She has been known to raid my wardrobe when we’ve been getting ready for a night out. She’ll come in the bathroom and have a wee while I’m in the shower 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I’d never do any of those things with my DSis.

<tries to think of anything my family have been there for in about the last 30 years>
<fails>

OP says friends can be more like family than actual family. Just because you have a great family doesn't mean that is universally the case.

They can be, until things go wrong, siblings are much more likely to put an argument or issue behind them, more than friends.

I can be a moody around family if I'm feeling off, wouldn't do it with a friend.

That may well be the case for you, but it’s demonstrably not for everyone. I have a large family, I’m NC with one sibling, have civil but distant relationships with others and am close to very few of them.

With my friends, they’re the ones who’ve been with me through thick and thin over the last few decades, those who have supported me, shown up for me, celebrated with me, cried with me etc.

I don’t know about your first sentence tbh. IME families can hold onto petty grudges for a long long time.

Friends over family every day of the week for me.

I don’t really have that much in common with my extended family so inevitably have drifted apart from them over the years.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

I’m close to my parents, and a handful of other family members, but I wouldn’t know the rest of them if I stumbled over them in the street. DH would choose friends over his family any day.

Friends have let me down or drifted away over the years. But I am very lucky to have a close loving family.

It absolutely isn't a myth. You do realise that for many of us, family weren't, or won't be, there through thick and thin? I've been lucky enough to have life-long friends and I treasure them, moreso than family.

This can definitely be true. I watch on lot on the USA ballroom culture scene (not formal dancing but LGBT) and it comes up frequently the concept of “houses” arose because so many of those men and women were cast out of the biological families due to their sexuality / gender identity. So friends become family.

I think it depends on the family but I have friends who are essentially sisters and in reality friends probably know more about me than family.

Friends have met my romantic partners for example. My family never have.

I am assuming you don’t know the full saying do you.

I have an incredible family. I have good friends, but none that come close to my family.

I always feel friends end up knowing you better than family do.

To me it’s family first I have some very good friends,but when the chips are down I want my sisters

I do have friends who I like a lot but I would not impose on them with a problem. I think it’s quite difficult to have friends that are “there for you through thick and thin”. In my experience most people prioritise their immediate family. I can see that there are a lot of people with difficult family relationships though.

Yes I agree with this. I find with friends you often have to tiptoe around things, be more tactful...when I see family, I feel I can be more honest and it's not a big deal. Like let's say I see my sister and she says, do you like this dress I'm wearing and I say no, it doesn't suit you, she wouldn't care and vice versa but with a friend you need to watch how you phrase things more.

See I can't imagine any of my family members doing all that stuff

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves."

I have nothing in common with most of my family. They’re largely ‘people on benefits are all scroungers’, ‘kids who’ve supposedly got autism just need a clip round the ear’ and ‘there’s too many immigrants taking all our job/money’ types, which is a world away from my world view.
Thankfully, with friends, you can filter out that kind of stuff.
I hate that saying, ‘ family are the ones who, when you turn up at their door, they have to take you in’. How depressing. I want to be around people who want to take me in, not have to.

Absolutely!
Although I never grew up being told “family is everything.” My immediate family was far closer to our family friends than our actual wider family.

I sometimes wonder if my mother brought the wrong baby home when I look at my family. I’ve felt like a misfit my whole life.

My friends, on the other hand…well. What would I do without those brilliant women?