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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day - AIBU

62 replies

TheLionKing1993 · 27/03/2025 10:23

So let me just start by saying I am not expecting to be showered in gifts or meal out etc. I just would like to feel appreciated haha ☺️

However I've had DH arguing with me for wanting to do Mothers Day

Every Father's Day I go to a lot of effort for him, I make a hamper full of little bits and get the kids to take part with me. I make sure he gets time to himself to relax, and try make the day special to show how much we appreciate him.

Anyway, this morning I reminded him that if he wanted to order a card from Moonpig today would be the cut off date (I reminded him as he has been saying over the past couple of days that he keeps forgetting otherwise I wouldn't have said anything)

I was greeted with him getting angry about it. Yep, Mother's day is about the relationship between the child and their mother but isn't it the father's job is to encourage/assist the child when they're younger?
It really doesn't cost anything to show you are appreciated, right?

Anyway, he said to me "I can't do anything because I've got a lead up my ar$e. I don't have time like you do to get anything, I always have to work and then spend time with DD and then you. I never get a minute to breathe to do anything" 😆 Err ... What?

AIBU to feel a little upset? Or am I just being overly sensitive?

Thanks ☺️

OP posts:
WoodyOwl · 27/03/2025 10:26

How much time do you get to yourself?!

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 27/03/2025 10:32

I wouldn't keep reminding him. If he ignores mothers day, just ignore father's day.

Anxioustealady · 27/03/2025 10:40

Is there a big difference in how much free time you have?

ShanghaiDiva · 27/03/2025 10:43

Does it really matter who has more free time? Ordering a card is a two minute job!

PickledElectricity · 27/03/2025 10:45

Oh what an arsehole.

I think you need to stop making a huge effort for him for father's day. Match his energy and all that.

BarneyRonson · 27/03/2025 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlueMum16 · 27/03/2025 10:47

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 27/03/2025 10:32

I wouldn't keep reminding him. If he ignores mothers day, just ignore father's day.

This is what I'm doing this year.

MoreChocPls · 27/03/2025 10:48

Do absolutely bugger all for him on Father’s Day.

Springee · 27/03/2025 10:48

I'd not be bothering with Moonpig. He could buy or make card with DC or you could organise it. Yes, the latter is a PITA but it sounds like you might end up doing that

mindutopia · 27/03/2025 10:48

I’d be pretty pissed off if Dh reminded me to order him a card from Moonpig. I don’t think he’s saying he doesn’t have free time. He’s saying that your nagging is so intense that he doesn’t have a chance to do things before you start nagging (which sounds true because there is plenty of time left to get a card). Leave him to it. He’ll either get on with it or prove you right.

Inmydreams88 · 27/03/2025 10:52

You reminded him of the last postage day for moon pig? Oh Op really?

If he’s that shit he can’t get a card on time then that’s truly pathetic and you’re enabling him. Let him get you nothing and he can deal with the consequences.

luckylavender · 27/03/2025 10:53

I cannot bear all this bloody fuss over Mother's Day. It's commercial claptrap. If someone reminded me to send a card I would do the opposite.

Shoxfordian · 27/03/2025 10:54

Does he get you anything for your birthday or Christmas? He sounds like he makes no effort for you and it's not good enough.

Anxioustealady · 27/03/2025 11:00

ShanghaiDiva · 27/03/2025 10:43

Does it really matter who has more free time? Ordering a card is a two minute job!

Well if I was working 14 hour days, and my spouse didn't work, and when I got home they were nagging me to do xyz, I'd probably react badly too.

I was trying to get context for his reaction, maybe he's unhappy in other ways, but I suppose we could just ignore that and demand a card.

Ihopeyouhavent · 27/03/2025 11:01

Why does the card have to be ordered? Why are you telling him what card to get? Why cant he just get one from a shop?

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 11:02

Anxioustealady · 27/03/2025 11:00

Well if I was working 14 hour days, and my spouse didn't work, and when I got home they were nagging me to do xyz, I'd probably react badly too.

I was trying to get context for his reaction, maybe he's unhappy in other ways, but I suppose we could just ignore that and demand a card.

Show quote history

OP wasn’t demanding a card though was she? He asked her to remind him!

And even if you work 14 hour days, as someone who has done, it’s not an excuse to miss a birthday or event you need to buy something for. I didn’t have anyone reminding me to be an adult!

newfriend05 · 27/03/2025 11:04

Sorry pressed the wrong one on the poll .. no your not being unreasonable at all

Anxioustealady · 27/03/2025 11:05

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 11:02

OP wasn’t demanding a card though was she? He asked her to remind him!

And even if you work 14 hour days, as someone who has done, it’s not an excuse to miss a birthday or event you need to buy something for. I didn’t have anyone reminding me to be an adult!

Show quote history

If my spouse reacted like he did, I would think he was stressed. So I would ask myself if I was putting too much on him, as I would expect him to do for me. Instead of focusing on a card!

RedSkyDelights · 27/03/2025 11:06

How old is your child? Unless under about 2, they can make something that resembles a card. If very young, I'd expect your DH to help with this. Otherwise your DC can sort it themselves.

I find it ironic that you say you don't expect to be showered in gifts, but you clearly do expect something along the lines of the sort of hamper you make your DH (does he like this? Or just pretend to?) and a moonpig card.

Starlight1984 · 27/03/2025 11:14

Ihopeyouhavent · 27/03/2025 11:01

Why does the card have to be ordered? Why are you telling him what card to get? Why cant he just get one from a shop?

Yeah this. Why does it have to specifically from Moonpig?!

Original poster
TheLionKing1993 · 27/03/2025 11:21

Starlight1984 · 27/03/2025 11:14

Yeah this. Why does it have to specifically from Moonpig?!

Show quote history

😊 So he literally said he wanted to order a card from Moonpig as they have personalised picture cards, and he said to remind him as he keeps forgetting and I did, then he got annoyed 😆

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 27/03/2025 11:24

Stop putting the energy into reminding your DH.

Make some nice arrangements with your kids for mother's Day and ask them to make you a card.

Nameftgigb · 27/03/2025 11:31

Jesus Christ the bar is low for some people on here. So what if YOU think that Mother’s Day is ‘commercial claptrap). Some of us aren’t so miserable that we can’t see the point of taking the opportunity to turn it into a fun and lovely day, it doesn’t have to cost any money. Me and oh could take it or leave it, but we do it because our kids are aware of what day it is, and would be bloody devastated if they had nothing to give us. My oh didn’t bother one year and my dd2 who was around 6 at the time tried her best to make me a model out of straws and sellotape, and when she gave it to me and it fell apart she burst into tears. Oh hasn’t forgotten since. Op has mentioned Moonpig because it’s him repeatedly bringing up that that was what he was going to do and keeps forgetting, she was trying to help the useless prick. And moonpig is the least amount of effort to go to, he doesn’t even have to go to a bloody shop. He could do it on his phone, right now in about 90 seconds.

TheCurious0range · 27/03/2025 11:32

Surely he has a phone if he wanted a reminder he couldn't set one. You shouldn't be taking responsibility for reminding him to do things for you for mother's day

Iloveyoubut · 27/03/2025 11:33

Don’t mother him, don’t remind him that he had to get a gcard by this date or that. He’s a grown assed man who can get said ass into gear when it suits him. If Mother’s Day is important to you, and it’s one of the few holidays that’s very important to me, you have to tell him that you expect xyz and that it’s non negotiable. Then do not remind him. He’s not forgetting, he just doesn’t care and doesn’t think you’re worth putting the effort into to do this for you. I’m saying this as someone who has been through it and it’s not about him forgetting Mother’s Day it’s about him having zero respect for you and not giving a shit about any consequences to his behaviour. How dare he tell YOU to remind him! And don’t think so little of yourself that you DO remind him. I can tell you right now, if you were a new woman in his life and he was invested, you wouldn’t need to remind him of anything. This isn’t about Mother’s Day, he’s treating you like shit and you’ve ended up practically begging a man to do something as simple as get you a card and that’s really upsetting, you’re worth more than that, but until you stop tearing yourself this way, he will never stop treating you this way either. Sit down with him, tell him that you won’t ever be reminding him of how to treat you properly, tell him what you expect, obviously within reason and tell him if he can’t deliver the basic minimum that you’re out the door. No one deserves to be treated like they’re nothing OP. You’d be as happy buying yourself a card so what’s the point of him? What’s he actually even doing to make it worth your while being with him. You don’t deserve it so don’t tolerate it. As I’ve said, never mind these posts about oh the poor baby must be stressed - fuck him, it’s a bloody card, he’s not fighting front line in a war. He can order a card. You should never have to ask! Tell him to get his shit together or piss off. And happy Mother’s Day when it comes. 🌸🌺🌷