Mother's Day - AIBU

[TheLionKing1993]

So let me just start by saying I am not expecting to be showered in gifts or meal out etc. I just would like to feel appreciated haha ☺️

However I've had DH arguing with me for wanting to do Mothers Day

Every Father's Day I go to a lot of effort for him, I make a hamper full of little bits and get the kids to take part with me. I make sure he gets time to himself to relax, and try make the day special to show how much we appreciate him.

Anyway, this morning I reminded him that if he wanted to order a card from Moonpig today would be the cut off date (I reminded him as he has been saying over the past couple of days that he keeps forgetting otherwise I wouldn't have said anything)

I was greeted with him getting angry about it. Yep, Mother's day is about the relationship between the child and their mother but isn't it the father's job is to encourage/assist the child when they're younger?
It really doesn't cost anything to show you are appreciated, right?

Anyway, he said to me "I can't do anything because I've got a lead up my ar$e. I don't have time like you do to get anything, I always have to work and then spend time with DD and then you. I never get a minute to breathe to do anything" 😆 Err ... What?

AIBU to feel a little upset? Or am I just being overly sensitive?

Thanks ☺️

Why couldn’t he set a reminder on his phone to order a card? It’s a bit shit to ask the recipient of the card to remind him to order it!

I think that Moonpig is the lazy way of sending a card, surely buying a card, or making a card, isn't too onerous and is far more personal. Having said that I got a lovely Moonpig card from my granddaughter on the other side of the world, full of photos of them.

“As I would expect him to do for me” is what’s key isn’t it. There’s absolutely nothing to suggest that he does. This is clearly bigger than a card.

The rest of it is irrelevant, he asked you to remind him and then he had a go at you 😐. He is being completely unreasonable. What are you going to do about his disrespect OP?

This would be my approach too.

We don't make a very big thing of either Mother's Day or Father's Day, but being appreciated is nice. I usually get cards and some chocolate from my now adult "children" and that is fine.

It isn't just for children either. I am 58 and have just returned from visiting my own elderly mother (she's 89) and I left a Mother's Day card there for her to open at the weekend.

Yes, good point. @TheLionKing1993 does he still have his own DM? Does he organise anything for her?

What I don’t get is women get treated like this, like they are some shit on his shoe for expecting anything, and they still make an effort on Father’s Day instead of taking themselves out for the day and leaving him with the kids.

Agree with everything you’ve said here

Just don’t do anything for Father’s Day and if he moans tell him it’s the relationship between father and child

I agree

Look

Myself and DH agree that Mother’s and Father’s Day is mainly about money, you can show you love your parents or appreciate each other as parents any day.

However, it takes 2 minutes to order a card or go to the shop on the way home from work to grab some flowers. You clearly make a deal out of it on Father’s Day, he knows how much Mother’s Day means to you so the fact he can’t be bothered shows lack of care and appreciation for you

if something means something to your spouse, show a bit of effort

I think he’s selfish and clearly lacks any thoughtfulness, gaurenteed he is like this in other ways too

I wouldn’t remind him. Just like I put a note a couple of weeks before Father’s Day in my diary to get sorted (just because I don’t like being last minute personally), he can adult in the same way.

Also moonpig sends emails reminders if you ask them to - even if you don’t with things like Mother’s Day.

I’d defo cut back on the hamper. Sounds like so much more effort than what he puts in if he needs you to be his PA reminding him about the card. So disappointment is kind of inevitable when the effort levels are so umatched.

Just put the same effort in for him for Father's Day. Also why waste money on moonpig there are plenty of shops with cards.

Honestly I’m one of those people who thinks these days are a bullshit commercial scam and I’d rather feel appreciated in every day life than on an enforced occasion.

But if your kids are too small to do anything for you themselves, why don’t you just book something that you want to do for yourself? Tell him he’s at home with the kids for the day and take yourself off to a spa or a fancy lunch.

I really don’t think there’s any point in receiving something that the children themselves haven’t organised.

I would feel so pathetic and embarrassed if I had to remind a grown adult to buy me a card. I would prefer they don’t bother. Why can’t he set a reminder like a normal person? Just don’t bother on FD.

It’s such a shame when one partner can’t be bothered to make any effort for this stuff. It doesn’t have to cost £££ It’s just a bit of fun, like birthdays and Christmas, that add a bit of joy. But for some families it seems to do the opposite.

If you stop Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, will your birthdays be next?

Will DD be able to make you a card at nursery or school OP? You deserve a card and acknowledgement on Mother's Day. Hopefully your husband will pull it out of the bag and have a surprise. Take care.

He is a bad-tempered sod with no care or respect for you. Telling you to remind him ( as if you're his PA FFS) then blowing up when.you do?!
Honouing you one day a year is more effort than he thinks you're worth. Either get used to it, or get rid. Either way, fuck Father's Day this year.

So you choose to do fathers day? That is ypur choice if i was reminded thr way you do this to him i would have a problem with it i take mothers day to be about what I want to my husband is not my son

Same for my husband he chooses what happens on fathers day i don't plan anything

I think just match his effort on father's day.

This is why Mother’s Day comes before Father’s Day…

How old are your dc? Could they make a card for you? Then have your favourite breakfast and do something nice with them. Let them know it’s Mother’s Day so you’d like to do this thing with them.
Basically, show them how to acknowledge the day meaningfully for you so they’ll know as they grow. Let dh do the same for Father’s Day. It won’t need to involve you.

He sounds absolutely horrible you deserve much better than this on Mother's Day. Does he like you at all?