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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my bf losing interest or am I being absolutely ridiculous?

65 replies

greenwaterbottle4 · 27/03/2025 10:10

So the good things are:

  • we live together, and we are quite affectionate and cuddle etc, our sex life doesn’t appear to be dwindling
  • he will tell me he loves me
  • he’s very caring and kind

however I can’t shake a feeling he’s losing interest (even though I have asked him if anything is wrong, and he has reassured me that there isn’t, and that he would tell me if there was)

He has a new role in his job, which means he is very busy and can’t contact me during the day. Which is fine; he would usually text me saying he made it to work, text me once on lunch, and then text me when he’s leaving.
Recently though he’s been forgetting to text me when he gets to work because he is in a rush, and has texted me a lot less during the day.

He will usually text me on his lunch (he pops home). Yesterday he didn’t, so I asked whether he didn’t have a lunch yesterday. He said he did but he “left his phone in the car by accident so didn’t text me”.

When we were eating breakfast this morning I asked if he had a busy day coming up, and he said he did and told me about a meeting. He didn’t ask about my day. I’m finding this a little bit more frequently.

This morning I left a text saying I made it to work and that i hope he has a lovely day. He texted me to say that he also made it safe and that his meeting had been moved, which is annoying for him, but didn’t acknowledge anything else. That’s all he had time to reply.

I also noticed that he was in a rush eating breakfast and went straight to a busy day at work, and only had time to send one text to me. However I went on instagram and he’d liked our friends posts from this morning - so he’s had time to be on social media..

I just don’t know. If I ask him if everything’s okay he will say everything’s perfect and he’s happy.

He also sometimes texts me saying “I’ll always love you” rather than “I love you” and I worry he doesn’t want to say it?

OP posts:
OneKhakiFish · 27/03/2025 15:42

You need to relax and let him get on with his day, he's free to choose what he wants to do on his breaks. Sorry Op but you are being overbearing.

Loubelou71 · 31/03/2025 21:49

I know you're meant to trust your gut but at the same time you can't make your boyfriend closer to you if he senses any neediness. As difficult as it seems I think you have to try to accept the new pattern and put this down to him being busy and distracted by his new job.
Focus on the lovely conversation you can have when he gets home and try to stop worrying about the texts.
Worrying that someone is moving away from you doesn't stop it but it's spoiling your enjoyment now. Once he's settled in and you've allowed him that space I'm sure things will feel better again.

doubleshotcappuccino · 31/03/2025 22:01

There is one easy way to push him away and that’s to carry on with this anxious over checking - you will sow the seed of doubt. Pull back yourself a bit - create a bit of mystery -

RunningJo · 31/03/2025 22:09

greenwaterbottle4 · 27/03/2025 10:19

It’s more the changes such as not wanting to text on lunch (when he used to all the time). He also rarely asks about my day, but tells me all about his.
he’s also been on social media this morning

He possibly talks more about his day because of the novelty of a new job, he has lots to say about it. People can, and do forget to ask about someone else’s day, maybe he’s just expecting you to just tell him as part of the conversation.

Texting so much during the day will wane surely after a while, that’s normal. You checking to see if he’s been on social media is not so normal, sorry.

I think you need to cut him some slack OP.

MounjaroMounjaro · 06/05/2025 18:23

I think you need to trust your intuition. His behaviour has changed. That could be due to a number of things, but I'd be cautious now.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 07/05/2025 01:34

I'd say always go with your gut. I do appreciate where you're coming from. If something feels off, it generally is.

If the dynamics of your relationship have shifted, it could well be (as others have said) that he's preoccupied with his new job. It could also mean he's starting to emotionally check out.

Were the frequent text exchanges a mutual thing, or more one-sided? My ex and i used to do the same thing. No neediness on either side - just very loved-up at the time.

"I'll always love you." Interesting.... I sense a "but" coming after it.
Either that, or he's paying homage to Whitney Houston😁. (Or - perhaps he's had a strange premonition he'll soon be shuffling off this mortal coil!!)

Zanatdy · 07/05/2025 06:22

Generally when I have a feeling about something, I am right. I’d be wondering what has changed, someone at work? Maybe he is just generally much busier, or yes, maybe something else going on (assume that’s what you’re thinking?).

rwalker · 07/05/2025 06:37

I’d feel completely suffocated by that level of expectation for contact

BCBird · 26/05/2025 19:11

The change in not texting is understandable. Him telling you all about his day and not asking about your's, I'd tell him anyway. He'll get the message.

ZaraEva1 · 05/08/2025 18:12

I think you need to have a bit more confidence in yourself and stop thinking he is loosing interest in you, sounds like he really loves you and to me you sound like you need to believe in yourself more and believe that your a good catch and ofcourse he doesn’t want to leave you!

Novanonplus · 05/08/2025 18:18

MN always always miss the mark with these scenarios and can be unnecessarily shitty…like grow up or give him some slack 🙄

I totally disagree with the majority of responses.

Go with your gut! Your instincts are so so important.

even if it was just his job if you feel things have changed then do you really want to be with someone who changes towards you just because they have a new job?

my husband got a new job last year. Insanely busy and yes we don’t text much but he always phones me after work when he is coming home and makes me feel priority

Chunka · 05/08/2025 18:31

greenwaterbottle4 · 27/03/2025 10:10

So the good things are:

  • we live together, and we are quite affectionate and cuddle etc, our sex life doesn’t appear to be dwindling
  • he will tell me he loves me
  • he’s very caring and kind

however I can’t shake a feeling he’s losing interest (even though I have asked him if anything is wrong, and he has reassured me that there isn’t, and that he would tell me if there was)

He has a new role in his job, which means he is very busy and can’t contact me during the day. Which is fine; he would usually text me saying he made it to work, text me once on lunch, and then text me when he’s leaving.
Recently though he’s been forgetting to text me when he gets to work because he is in a rush, and has texted me a lot less during the day.

He will usually text me on his lunch (he pops home). Yesterday he didn’t, so I asked whether he didn’t have a lunch yesterday. He said he did but he “left his phone in the car by accident so didn’t text me”.

When we were eating breakfast this morning I asked if he had a busy day coming up, and he said he did and told me about a meeting. He didn’t ask about my day. I’m finding this a little bit more frequently.

This morning I left a text saying I made it to work and that i hope he has a lovely day. He texted me to say that he also made it safe and that his meeting had been moved, which is annoying for him, but didn’t acknowledge anything else. That’s all he had time to reply.

I also noticed that he was in a rush eating breakfast and went straight to a busy day at work, and only had time to send one text to me. However I went on instagram and he’d liked our friends posts from this morning - so he’s had time to be on social media..

I just don’t know. If I ask him if everything’s okay he will say everything’s perfect and he’s happy.

He also sometimes texts me saying “I’ll always love you” rather than “I love you” and I worry he doesn’t want to say it?

Yep, you’re ridiculous

Get a hobby or something

Give the lad a break.

Are you 12?

SuburbanSprawl · 05/08/2025 18:57

greenwaterbottle4 · 27/03/2025 10:19

It’s more the changes such as not wanting to text on lunch (when he used to all the time). He also rarely asks about my day, but tells me all about his.
he’s also been on social media this morning

Would you like to spend the rest of your life with this bloke?

And if so, at what point in the next fifty or sixty years do you think it would be permissible to stop texting each other at lunchtime every single working day? Or do you expect it to carry on throughout your lifelong relationship?

....hang on....maths....

That'll be something in the region of 12,000 lunchtime text exchanges.

Please collect and publish them. I'd buy that....

saffy2 · 06/08/2025 17:34

This sounds completely overbearing. I can’t imagine being in contact 3x per day on top of them living with each other!!
maybe that level of contact is too much for him and so he is trying to reign it back in a little.
oli love my partner, we have been together 14 years, we have lived together for 8years, we have 3 children. But no, I am way too just during the day to be reading a message to say he arrived at work safely. I work from home.
i think you need to calm down 👍🏼

saffy2 · 06/08/2025 17:37

Novanonplus · 05/08/2025 18:18

MN always always miss the mark with these scenarios and can be unnecessarily shitty…like grow up or give him some slack 🙄

I totally disagree with the majority of responses.

Go with your gut! Your instincts are so so important.

even if it was just his job if you feel things have changed then do you really want to be with someone who changes towards you just because they have a new job?

my husband got a new job last year. Insanely busy and yes we don’t text much but he always phones me after work when he is coming home and makes me feel priority

But he’s going to see you…at the end of that phone call when he gets home…?! Why does it make you feel a priority for him to unnecessarily call you when he’s going to see you an hour later 😂🙈

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