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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GF wanted to meet my kids. I said 'no'

63 replies

myname1sbetter · 26/03/2025 12:50

Having difficulty processing if I am in the wrong here. 7 months into a very nice relationship, girlfriend turns nasty and breaks things off because I would not introduce her to my kids.

My ex-wife and I had agreed during our separation to not introduce new partners for 12 months. Despite this my girlfriend pushed for me to try and reverse this agreement. I spoke to my ex to try and see if I could introducer them sooner but she wanted to stick to our 12 month arrangement.

My GF did not take this well, turned very aggressive and made accusations that I was blindly following my ex and has swiftly broke things off. I'm sort of bewildered how quickly things unravelled. She has her own daughter from a previous relationship who I have met but the father is pretty hands off, so I don't think she appreciates the compromises that have to be made when co-parenting.

I know she loved the idea of a blended family and it was a big deal to her, but I don't understand why she was not willing to wait another 5 months. Could I have done anything differently, am I wrong to think she is being a bit unreasonable? I'm so sad, as I thought what we had was very nice, and we got on so well in almost all other areas.

OP posts:
Flowerpupp · 26/03/2025 12:53

You've dodged a bullet and done the right thing by your kids by waiting.

baileys6904 · 26/03/2025 12:53

I voted yanbu, however only in that she should not be pushing so hard, with such ultimatum, to meet your kids.

HOWEVER yabu going back to your wife asking to renegotiate the agreement and putting it on her. If your ex had been OK, would you then have introduced the girlfriend??

TwistedWonder · 26/03/2025 12:54

I’m with you 100% and if only more people took time introducing their children to new partners. Well done to your ex wife sticking to her boundaries.

Your now ex gf is VVVVVVVU. Stop being a wet lettuce and jumping to try and pander to a woman you’ve known a few months.

So many kids sadly introduced after a few weeks who end up with more step parents by the time they’re 18 than Harvey Price

Nameftgigb · 26/03/2025 12:55

Her reaction says all about how she is as a person, and exactly why people really need to wait a good while for people to show their true colours before getting your children involved. 7 months is nothing if you’re planning a long term/permanent relationship, there’s absolutely no need to get your kids involved in it yet.

BarneyRonson · 26/03/2025 12:55

Anyone who suddenly turns very aggressive is best avoided.

AliceMcK · 26/03/2025 12:55

You’ve done nothing wrong, just because she was willing to introduce her child to you quickly dose not mean you have to. You and your ex made an agreement in the best interest of your children, you are sticking to this. I agree you’ve dodged a bullet here.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 26/03/2025 12:56

Why is she desperate to meet your children? And why couldn’t she respect the wishes of the children’s parents? Too strange. It’s good she’s called it off, this might have been the beginning of her ‘taking over’ from the ‘bio mum’ aka mum.

ItGhoul · 26/03/2025 12:57

You did exactly the right thing.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 26/03/2025 12:57

I know she loved the idea of a blended family

You should have run before she did. You're a father and need to date people who are willing to put the children first.

Meadowfinch · 26/03/2025 12:58

Was she looking to pick a fight?

It feels like she wanted you to agree with her rather than your ex-wife, regardless of the topic under discussion.

There was no reason for her to get cross or refuse to wait a few more months. I think you've dodged a bullet

Snorlaxo · 26/03/2025 12:58

Yanbu but next time you shouldn’t meet the gf’s child months before she meets yours because it could create an imbalance like it did with your recent ex.

You made an agreement with your ex not to introduce partners until 12 months. You were unreasonable to try and get your child’s mother to change her mind based on gf’s say so. You know better really.

minnienono · 26/03/2025 13:00

Whilst it is possible that this was a red flag, i would have found it very odd to be in a relationship for 7 months and still not met my bf’s dc. At that point you are deciding whether this is for the long term and how can you do this without meeting his children. It’s an unrealistic expectation to wait a full year, yes wait until you know it’s working but after that start slow introductions. My dc wanted to give my now dh the once over as soon as I had met him, they were teens.

FOJN · 26/03/2025 13:00

Be grateful that she showed her true colours before you had introduced her to your children.

You did nothing wrong. Her reaction is a big red flag.

maw1681 · 26/03/2025 13:00

You’ve done the right thing by your children and I think it’s for the best that things have ended now rather than later, I think you will see this when the initial hurt dies down

MoreChocPls · 26/03/2025 13:04

Lucky escape! You’ve seen what she’s really like!

ShieldMaiden8 · 26/03/2025 13:07

I wish my ex was like you. He moved his gf after she met my children twice.
stick to your guns, your children come first and you absolutely did the right thing in sticking to your agreement.

ConnieSlow · 26/03/2025 13:09

You did the right thing. She was looking for a father for her child and would have treated yours very badly. Good riddance to her.

SuspiciousChipmunk · 26/03/2025 13:10

You Did well to stick to your principles. She sounds unhinged and you have dodged a bullet.

Thelnebriati · 26/03/2025 13:12

Several red flags here, the two that stand out is her pushing against your boundary then getting nasty when you stood firm. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Getting close to your kids early on could have been a manipulative tactic, designed to make it harder for you to split later.

TwistedWonder · 26/03/2025 13:14

Thelnebriati · 26/03/2025 13:12

Several red flags here, the two that stand out is her pushing against your boundary then getting nasty when you stood firm. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Getting close to your kids early on could have been a manipulative tactic, designed to make it harder for you to split later.

Yep. The number of threads on here where a woman moves her bloke in with her kids and he’s an absolute cocklodging twat but she can’t end it because ‘the kids love him’

Viviennemary · 26/03/2025 13:15

Her reactions has shown you her true character. A controlling bully which is aggressive when she doesn't get her own way. You dodged a bullet. Life with her would be a nightmare.

LlynTegid · 26/03/2025 13:17

Glad you found out now, understand you may have been looking forward to a future together and it is a surprise to you.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 26/03/2025 13:18

Lucky escape there

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2025 13:19

Rubbish took itself out.

However, in future, keep your own boundaries and don’t make your ex the bad guy. ‘My ex’s says I can’t’ is weak and wrong.

mumoftwoboys321 · 26/03/2025 13:22

I think you are well within your rights especially when co parenting I believe that any agreements between the two parents should be respected I wouldn’t want any new partner meeting my children untill around the 12 month mark as don’t believe people keep coming and going in children’s lives is very healthy