GF wanted to meet my kids. I said 'no'

[myname1sbetter]

Having difficulty processing if I am in the wrong here. 7 months into a very nice relationship, girlfriend turns nasty and breaks things off because I would not introduce her to my kids.

My ex-wife and I had agreed during our separation to not introduce new partners for 12 months. Despite this my girlfriend pushed for me to try and reverse this agreement. I spoke to my ex to try and see if I could introducer them sooner but she wanted to stick to our 12 month arrangement.

My GF did not take this well, turned very aggressive and made accusations that I was blindly following my ex and has swiftly broke things off. I'm sort of bewildered how quickly things unravelled. She has her own daughter from a previous relationship who I have met but the father is pretty hands off, so I don't think she appreciates the compromises that have to be made when co-parenting.

I know she loved the idea of a blended family and it was a big deal to her, but I don't understand why she was not willing to wait another 5 months. Could I have done anything differently, am I wrong to think she is being a bit unreasonable? I'm so sad, as I thought what we had was very nice, and we got on so well in almost all other areas.

She has pegged you as the stepdad for her kid, probably wants another one herself and wants to push the relationship on to the next level asap. Interesting that her own DD's dad isn't really in the picture. How soon was she asking for you to meet her DD?

She isn't interested in a relationship that goes at a sensible pace. She wants it all now. Is there a chance that she's pregnant? I can't see any other reason for her to act so angrily about not getting her way. She's furious that you are not putting her wishes above your ex wife's. It's making her feel she's not fully in control of the situation. The fact that it is also your wish seems irrelevant to her. She was hoping to manipulate you, but she can't manipulate your ex and it's bugging her.

This 👆
Her reaction wasn’t ok and she showed her true colours. So the relationship is over, and you’ve dodged a bullet.
But you have to co parent with your ex and if you’ve made an agreement about this, you shouldn’t have given the impression you’d change it then tell your partner that your ex won’t do it. It’s either an agreement or not.

That’s likely what set her off and created the expectation that she’d always play second fiddle to your ex.
Better communication could have prevented this. But then you’d not know what she was really like…. Be thankful your DC’s didn’t meet her.

She wants a blended family when you've only been dating 7 months! Everyone else is right you've had a lucky escape

She’s just proved categorically that she is not the right person for you.

You are doing the right thing for your children.
Your ex kicking off showed you she's not someone who will respect the rules you and the mother of your child have agreed.

She sounds nuts and as others have said, you've dodged a bullet. Sorry it hasn't worked out but well done for putting your kids first and having a respectful coparenting relationship with your ex.

Your ex-gf has just proved that the 12 month boundary that you and your ex-wife set in place is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do; stopping either of you from confusing your DC by introducing them to short-term “partners” who then dump you shortly after.

It’s so good that you’re sticking with that plan and protecting your kids, imagine if you’d introduced them and she’d dumped you right after? This way your kids never even have to know of her existence.

The only thing that's unreasonable is going to your ex and trying to renegotiate the terms of your agreement not to introduce new partners for a year! That is weak-willed, puts the responsibility on your ex-wife, and gave your girlfriend the impression that this wasn't your idea, but something enforced upon you by a controlling ex. In future, have the courage of your own convictions!

You’ve dodged a bullet there, but as others have said, disappointing that you made your ex the bad guy. You both agreed to 12 months, if you think that’s the right thing to do you shouldn’t even have asked your ex and put the decision on her shoulders.

Your girlfriend shouldn’t dictate when she meets your kids and given her reaction I’d say you dodged a bullet.

however whilst it’s good to have a positive co parenting relationship with your ex, something like meeting anew partner really needs to be when you are ready, not a pre determined time. There’s a massive difference between entering a relationship with a long standing friend who you know well and and meeting someone on tinder.

the question was did you feel ready to introduce your partner? It’s not something you need permission for. I would be concerned that my relationship was going to be dictated by the ex in this scenario.

I know she loved the idea of a blended family and it was a big deal to her, but I don't understand why she was not willing to wait another 5 months. Could I have done anything differently, am I wrong to think she is being a bit unreasonable? I'm so sad, as I thought what we had was very nice, and we got on so well in almost all other areas

Of course she loves the idea. I am betting blending would have been of greater benefit to her and her dc rather than you and yours OP.

As everyone else has said, you have had a lucky escape, 7 months is nothing and this woman showed you what your future held should you dare to exert a boundary. Hardly the influence you want around your own dc and I have a hunch she would have set out of squash all coparenting good will between you and your ex.

Don't look back @myname1sbetter

I think if any partner at any stage doesn't get their way and turns aggressive over something already as a known boundary by the two people who are the only ones who can and should set that boundary it's a massive red flag.

Your partner should never has pushed for this, what an odd thing to be aggressive about.

You are well rid, there are nicer people available out there.

She’s allowed to split up with you for whatever reason she wants to. You and your ex agreed the 12 month rule, she didn’t. She doesn’t agree so she’s done the right thing in ending the relationship.

It sounds like the 12 month agreement was an arbitrary figure you and your ex agreed on before going on to date other people. You either believe that this is, in every situation and with every future partner, the right and only timescale for your children or you don’t. Have some integrity if it’s what you believe (and I suspect you don’t or you wouldn’t have asked your ex or been happy to meet your girlfriend’s child).

I think you and your ex will live to regret the 12 month rule. Quite often in real life, children do meet their parents partners before 12 months is up. It’s not a magical timescale that increases the likelihood of blended family success. I have also seen a lot of women put this rule in place then decide that actually their child is going to meet their new boyfriend when it suits.