I just watched Adolescence - terrified!

[irisetta]

So I'm a Mum of 2 boys, both pre-teen (9 and 10). I remember reading stuff online that horrified me 10, 15 years ago - V Roosh, the Return of Kings site, etc - the precursor to the Andrew Tate horror - jfc, where have we gone wrong?! My boys are beautiful, kind, loving souls, right now - but teenage years wreak havoc on us all, and I am absolutely petrified. What does shine through to me is the essential sadness of these men - their self worth can only be defined by dominating, seducing and "owning" females - but since when was that a marker of self worth, for any bright, articulate, intelligent human being? I'm so worried, because it is affecting our kids, even the cleverest ones. Girls too. What do we think, Mumsnet?

Unreasonable - the kids will work it out, stop panicking (or thinking about panicking)

Reasonable - panic isn't the answer, but we need to address this now

Why?

Are you and your husband good people?

Our son is 22 now and a really good person. His dad is, too.

If the media tells you to panic maybe just panic 🤷 Personally I’m busy prepping for the asteroid. Or the next pandemic, or Putin bombing London or whatever

Keep them off smartphones would be a good start. You can say no you know.

The amount of crazy people freaking out and trying to base real life policy decisions on a fictional TV show is absolutely wild

I watched it with my teenagers and they didn’t recognise the issues at all. Not saying there isn’t a problem with some teenagers like in the program, but it’s not everywhere or every teens experience

Thanks - I'm hearing wildly differing reports now, so thank you. Apparently many teens are nodding their heads at all this. And yes, my husband and I are good people (as far as I know!) I was something of a wild teenager, sure, but this is beyond

Is this a paid promotion?

I do believe that for your DS age group there is more of an issue re incel etc than we realise re the Adolescence TV show

@irisetta

anyone commenting re their older DC well it’s pointless absolutely pointless

you need to listen to parents or teachers of this age group 8-14

as it relates mainly to this age group

older DC won’t really be that into it or immersed in it all as much as the 8-14 age group

Also ask your DS to show you any odd things that pop up on their social media or YouTube etc because their age group are being targeted specifically

Agree. This is why they shouldn’t be on it. At all. It’s time for parents to say no and stop the excuses.

What?!

Your boys will learn a lot from how your partner treats women, speaks about women and shows them by example how to be a decent human being.

Teenagers are of course influenced by social media and their peers so it's important to talk with them about issues - not lecturing but conversation. Ask them what they think about issues and really listen to gauge what influences they might be listening to. Challenge problematic views and get to know their friends. Stay involved in their lives and limit access to social media while they are under 16.

It's a Netflix drama 🙄

Edited - didn't mean to quote you there ,sorry!

The show was meant to prompt thought, not panic (I hope?!). There's a happy medium between the complacent parent 'oh that'll never happen to my little angel' and the hyperviligant paranoid parent.

Personally I think most parents can learn a thing or two from the show, but adjust the parenting of their teens, rather than completely overhaul it.

Keep them off a smart phone for as long as possible and restrict their internet use.

Keep doing things as a family that you all enjoy, eat together every night, talk about their day, listen to them, let them know you love them and they can come to you with any issues/problems/worries. Also encourage them to bring friends home so you get to know them.

The exact story itself is fake but there are plenty of young men like Jamie. Mums SHOULD be vigilant about this! You can't stay unaware of what teenagers and children are getting sucked into these days, and right now it happens to be the andrew tate crap

Pop on 'Last one laughing' on Prime and put some joy and perspective in your brain rather than filling it with preemptive fear over something that will likely never touch you Irl. Honestly, it's making me so cross how panicked this programme has made many parents.. it plays into some of our deepest darkest fears for sure. I'm not saying put your head in the sand but projecting is not helpful in parenting in my experience. Just love them, role model well and hold on tight through the teen years. All will be well x

Yes, this.
Keep the channels open so they can come to you if there's a problem.
My DS is a wonderful young adult - kind, hard-working. He has pushed the boundaries a few times - tested the waters to see if this or that comment is misogynistic, for example - and we have pushed back, and he has learnt. I am very proud that he has felt able to ask for my help with some private stuff and he knew I wouldn't judge. I couldn't do that with my mum because she would be disgusted and wouldn't help. But yes, keep them close by doing stuff together and being interested in them.

I really don't understand all the hype around this drama, l have seen it, thought it was OK.
Maybe don't let your children when they're 13 wander the town at 10.30 and lock down thier phones and check what they doing online. There is real problem with the way boys/men are treating woman but it's not likely one of your sons will suddenly go and stab someone.

I know it's a cliche but I don't think this applies to every teenage boy or young man..some do still turn out well and respectable and might not even like Andrew Tate.

I remember V Roosh etc

but what is all the panic about now? Is it that people thought this stuff had gone away? It never went away. It got worse.

I would've thought if you had children, you would take sensible steps to approach it. But now I'm wondering if people just have no clue how to monitor their children online.

Shows like this are our equivalent of the toxic devices which we worry about teenagers using. Daily-Mail style poison for our minds. I remember noticing how biased Pano-bloody-Rama was when I was a teenager, specifically on a programme about working parents.

I haven't watched Adolescence (I refuse to watch most TV as a matter of principle, because I believe most of it is very contrived to suit an agenda), but what form does it take? Is it fiction, a documentary, or reality TV? Mind you, "fiction" could and does apply to all those categories; I'm sure most "reality TV" is scripted from start to finish. Does it have lots of tearful interviews with the parents and the teenagers? Do the teenagers speak in text speak, perhaps because the producers told them to?

There are stabbings reported on the news all the time yet there aren't the threads and hysteria about them like there are about this drama.

It's like posters who have sons are afraid they will suddenly go around stabbing people.

It’s a great programme. Use it to talk to your kids.
I don’t know about ‘terrified’ though, we watched it with 14 year old son and he didn’t recognise at lot of what was going on- his school ( state comp) is nothing like what was portrayed and he didn’t know about 80/20 etc though obvs he has heard of incels, the ‘manosphere’ etc in passing BUT
he has no social media, doesn’t have a computer or tv in his bedroom, we have the internet set to parental controls, and he’s restricted as to how much time he has on his phone and screens.
Its not perfect, but it works for us

I asked DS and his BFF what they thought of Andrew Tate and the BFF said he thought he’s probably been brain damaged with too many punches to the head during his fighting career and that’s what was wrong with him 🤣