Vaguely inspired by Adolesence, but also by a slight family debate ...what time would you let a 14 year old walk home alone?

[mydogfarts]

Just pondering really as a difference of opinion in my wider family on this came up just during the week there has been a lot of chat about adolesence...

Until what time in the evening would you be happy to let a 14 year old walk home on their own? Would it vary depending whether they are a boy or a girl?

I realise area is relevant so the area in question is fairly boring suburbia, and the walk home that caused some debate would take about 20 minutes

For the purpose of the AIBU, would you be ok if it was a boy and they were setting off from their friends at 9.15 pm ?
(But am also interested to hear ideas of what times are reasonable)

Same with mine but we picked them up at the end as none were very close to home. Most of their friends didn’t live close by either.

I walked home from dancing at about 9pm at 14 - 40 years ago - but we just got in the habit of picking ours up.

Re. Adolescence - the 13 year old was out at almost 10 pm wandering about . Mine did not do that. In fact when my cousin was doing that at 14 decades ago my aunt and uncle stopped it because they were well aware that groups of lads hanging around at night can easily get into trouble.

14 year old daughter- daylight keeping out of the alleyways - main road only. If it’s dark I pick up.

Same with my eldest she is 22 went to the local pub to meet friends my husband walked her home. (Even he will avoid the short cut way!)

My husband recently realised the difference women have to think about - we walk our dog in the woods but I won’t walk her alone aim for more open spaces. He hadn’t never put together why I didn’t walk the dog alone in the woods!

Ds2 often walks home 20 minutes at 9pm ish, all year round (but from his girlfriends rather than wandering). In the summer when it's light he might well be out in a park or whatever until that time.

Ds1 and 2 (17 and 14) on a Friday or Saturday night will sometimes decide to go on a 10.20pm power walk to the coop, to catch it before it closes (and buy crap). I'm OK with that but not sure I'd be keen if they were on their own.

AT 14 he was in by 9, if he pushed it 9.20. At 15 he has to be in by 10.

DS will still often scoot rather than walk if going anywhere alone. I feel slightly better about this as he is harder for others to engage in conversation if he is moving faster on a scooter

I would organise my week so this didn't happen by moving one of the activities or saying no to one.

Literally that it’s not rocket science is it?

DD is 12 and already quite independent. I think by 14 depending on where she is IE a safe place I would be happy as long as she is arriving home when it's stilll light.

DS 14 has significant special needs and can't be left alone ever

So you would stop your teenager doing something beneficial rather them walking for 15 minutes at 8pm? Or even 4pm in winter...

Its balancing risk vs benefit.

Yes, I would because there’s nothing that’s beneficial as a teenager that wouldn’t be equally beneficial as a 17-year-old that’s able to drive themselves there and back.
It’s not risk versus benefit its risk versus reward at that age.

Mock all you like but nothing and I mean nothing has ever happened to my children.

I have an almost 14 year old girl and we live in a fairly safe large village. It really depends where she’d be walking. If along the main street and if it was still light probably until around 9pm. After dark and if she was having to walk down side streets or quiet roads it would be earlier. Some of our streets don’t have pavements so can be dangerous to walk in the dark because of cars even if you don’t consider the risk of being attacked.
I wouldn’t be keen on her getting a bus alone after around 7pm either.
Sadly yes if I had a boy it probably would make a difference and I would be happier letting him walk home alone later and in the dark.
So in your situation yes I would allow this.

not if it's dark, and not if it involved any of the unlit country lanes locally. I'd pick her up every time, or her dad would.

Once she is 17/18 i still would prefer to pick her up, but if she said no i'd be stuck.

Scouts in nearby village walk home at 9.30. Boys and girls from age 11. I collect in the car but only because we live further away.

So sorry to hear about your son ❤️

If it's light I let them walk/bus/tube home on their own. In the winter they have to walk & tube home from school in the dark, but it's reasonably populated.
Basically, it depends on whether there are people around.
I don't like them in the park at or after dusk and definitely not on their own because there have been muggings there and it's full of groups of teens smoking weed. (DD14, DS16 - same rules)

We live in a pretty safe area of SW London but the occasional encounter with drunk people means that I don’t even like walking home in the dark alone.

There has been instances of teens being mugged by older teens in broad daylight which also gives me pause.

I allow my 15 year old to stay out until 9.30pm when it's light in the holidays and weekends. I tend to pick them up once it is dark or getting late though.

Yes- there is. The teenage period is a difficult time but also has a very big effect on DC’s whole life.

There is strong evidence that teens who are happiest are those who are seeing friends regularly, exercising and not addicted to screens (that’s not to say they should never use phones, but it should be balanced with other activities).

I would not be stopping my DC from doing any of those three things that I know are beneficial on the basis that they may get stabbed in the street.

It is about proportionality and not letting a tiny risk of one danger outweigh the benefits we know exist from everyday activities.

My perspective from having older DC born in the late 90s is that society has gone much too far in trying to keep DC ‘safe’. In my view, that is a big part of the reason why we have so many issues with teen mental health issues, lack of independence and screen addiction.

DS1 was 14 in 2012 and could and did walk home from playing football, the park or cinema all year (as did his friends). He walked home from school from age 9 and year 6 were allowed out of school for lunch if they wanted.

Technology wasn’t as advanced as now (no tracking on phones) and I don’t believe the UK is anymore dangerous now. What I do know is that DC in that period had a far better childhood and there weren’t such issues with screens and mental health.

After dark, they get a lift.