Vaguely inspired by Adolesence, but also by a slight family debate ...what time would you let a 14 year old walk home alone?

[mydogfarts]

Just pondering really as a difference of opinion in my wider family on this came up just during the week there has been a lot of chat about adolesence...

Until what time in the evening would you be happy to let a 14 year old walk home on their own? Would it vary depending whether they are a boy or a girl?

I realise area is relevant so the area in question is fairly boring suburbia, and the walk home that caused some debate would take about 20 minutes

For the purpose of the AIBU, would you be ok if it was a boy and they were setting off from their friends at 9.15 pm ?
(But am also interested to hear ideas of what times are reasonable)

Am I the only one slightly taken aback by all these responses? My DC are still very young. But at 14 I was out every single evening, light, dark, rain, snow. Home by 10 was the only curfew I had which was pretty much the same as my friends.

I know I got up to no good, but I hope that my DC will be out with their friends and doing things on an evening not glued to a screen. Maybe I'll change my mind in a few years though

Where I live I would have allowed my son to walk home at that time at 14. He rarely went anywhere alone as a teenager however as there was always a few of his mates with him. We live in a nice area with lots of people about though so I think it’s different to an inner city area or very remote.

At that she wasn't walking home in the dark, we're in a greater London borough with an increasing number of muggings.

No.
My children were dropped to the door until University

What did getting up to no good look like though for you? I would worry that the definition may have changed in recent years.

My 16 year old isn't glued to a screen all the time, he's often at football training or the gym, but he's not allowed to wander around the town at night. We pick him up.

My 13 year old will be walking home from swimming training tonight at 9pm, like he does three times a week at least. My DS 15 will walk home from about a mile away to be home for 11pm at the weekends. Of course i worry but they'll never grow up if i don't give them space and they'll never learn to risk assess if they never do anything for themselves.

At 14yo I’d pick dd up but that said she started walking the dog on her own in the dark, early evening, in winter from that sort of age so 🤷‍♀️

Grew up in leafy richmond in London. Walking home from school i and friends were followed home. Then, as a teenager, at school, twice, men stopped cars and got out as I was walking home in daylight evenings, asking for directions and then tried to push me/ touch me. I escaped. Moved to east London - nothing ever happened. Now in middle age - live in Sussex - I find it very peaceful and safe. But. My experience as a child has coloured my view that in quiet, affluent areas where some may think it’s all safe cf to inner city areas - mg experience was opposite. As a 12/13 year old living in London I started going out to nightclubs and parties (saying was sleeping over at pals homes - pre mobiles) and my parents never knew at all, so I really know kids can get up to all sorts - even the so called swots like me. So. I’d personally give lifts now and then when daylight and always when dark.

Exactly. I’m very shocked at the responses. No wonder kids are scared to do anything for themselves nowadays.

At 14 I had to be in by 9pm on school nights, 10pm at weekends. In winter I was generally home earlier but that was by choice rather than by force.

Where I live, absolutely yes.

In the winter, 6pm.

In the summer, 8pm.

For me, it’s when the atmosphere changes. Families and commuters go inside and older teenagers and drinkers are about.

It’s not so much about being out late with their friends, more about what time you’re happy for them to be out alone at. I have a nearly 18 year old daughter. If she’s out with friends she can be out until the early hours (house party or 24 hour McDonald’s), as long as I know she’s with other people. On her own? Then we would prefer to pick her up once it’s late and dark. We live in a nice area, but still. A young girl was raped recently not too far away. Girls will always be more at risk than boys out on their own when it’s dark and isolated.

I wouldn’t be happy letting my son walk after 7 I think, honestly I’m terrified of other teens and the stories I hear, I worry he’d be a target. Not the best town, neighbourhood is nice, but other areas of the town less so and the groups walk around. DS is in cadets too, wouldn’t dream of letting him walk home, even with his friends.

Yes completely agree with this, I know what you mean by atmosphere.

I had a variety of pals and differing parenting choices. Some pals parents were in music / advertising in late 80s/early 90s when I was a teen and basically were never in/ had parties so we were able to do as we pleased. Had first spliff with a pals parent and also first spirits at a pals parents party. My parents were religious and had no idea - they thought all parents were the same as them. I was a swot and would work and study hard weekdays and then at weekends from 12/13 go wild. I used to take bloody night used from central London back to richmond - walking for ages thru parks in dark at 2/3/4am at weekends as a school girl to pals parents homes… I know how sneaky kids can be even swots and quiet well behaved kids. I pick my kids up often but more than that, have told them what I got up to and they seem to share a lot, incl where they are going what’s happening - but I know still there is probably a mountain I don’t know as I’m not their peer, I’m their mum. Freedom and self exploration making mistakes is one thing, but also walking in the dark - I pick my girls up (12 & 14.)

It really depends on the time of year, the area and a myriad of other factors.

Really sad that this is even a debate tbh.

No wonder so many young people lack independence and are addicted to screens if they are told that a 20 minute walk through a suburb is too dangerous.

Mine are still young but it scares me when they become teenagers about being out and about but we do live in quite a high crime area (serious crime). I think in the summer like 8pm at 14 and in the winter I would fetch them. There both girls. When I was a teenager I had no rules so was the 13 year old girl walking the streets late at night and it seems crazy to me now

We live in London. DD had to be in at 10pm when she was 14-16. I'd meet her outside her friends ' house (so I didn't embarrass her) and we'd walk home together. Or there's a local landmark we'd meet at and I'd walk her home.

I used to insist she never went anywhere after dark by herself, and that if it wasn't possible for her friends to take her home to wait at the land mark, in the local station or in the local supermarket where I'd pick her up. I'd usually meet her at the station if she was going further than our postcode.

Now she's 18 and I just ensure she's got enough for a taxi in her bank account.

Yes I thought that soon and also that Jaimie was out every late

Exactly. I’m very shocked at the responses. No wonder kids are scared to do anything for themselves nowadays.

parents looking out for their teens are not the biggest problem out there at the moment

DD comes home from Scouts "alone" (its a group of them, but they split off as they get close to their homes). Done it since she was 11. Its 8pm, walking along a road joining our village to the next one. I pick her up in bad weather (heavy rain or fog) if I can, but her sister has sports practice at the same time 20 minutes drive away so I'm not always available

I think saying not in the dark is a bit silly, that's coming home from school for part of the year!
We have 13yos picking up younger siblings from Beavers/Cubs at 7pm.

By 14 DD and DS were having to find their own ways to and from places in the evenings. We had no choice - DH works long hours in London and I can’t drive. I can’t even really get around on my own outdoors at night as I’m visually impaired and I can see f*ck all in the dark.