Vaguely inspired by Adolesence, but also by a slight family debate ...what time would you let a 14 year old walk home alone?

[mydogfarts]

Just pondering really as a difference of opinion in my wider family on this came up just during the week there has been a lot of chat about adolesence...

Until what time in the evening would you be happy to let a 14 year old walk home on their own? Would it vary depending whether they are a boy or a girl?

I realise area is relevant so the area in question is fairly boring suburbia, and the walk home that caused some debate would take about 20 minutes

For the purpose of the AIBU, would you be ok if it was a boy and they were setting off from their friends at 9.15 pm ?
(But am also interested to hear ideas of what times are reasonable)

My daughter is 12 and she can’t walk home after dark. I live in a city and it doesn’t feel right yet and I can’t see it feeling right anytime soon. She has a dance class at her high school every week and it finishes at 9 and we pick her up- but the walk has a short bit through a wooded area with low light and no view on it so I doubt I’ll ever let her walk there in the dark.

It's hardly a binary between "out roaming the street s" or "glued to a screen" though is it?

Mine aren't this age yet either (this is a debate in my extended family ) but mine do lots of hobbies/clubs and have plenty they do at home that isn't screen based too

This is so true, I grew up in a very leafy suburb, houses with large gardens and sweeping drives. I was allowed to walk between friends houses even late at night but actually it didn't feel safe as there was often noone around at all. Those who were moving around were travelling in cars

I actually felt safer walking around the city centre when I moved to a big city for university, because there were always loads of people walking around.

In fairness in this example noone has said anything to the teen yet! It's a debate between their parents

Responses on these sorts of threads tend to be very different from those who have teenagers or young adults and those who don’t. Remembering back to your own youth isn’t the same.

It'd depend if it was dark or not

And then DS maybe, DD no way

Walking home from Guides and Scouts, so about ages 11 to 14, and that was 8:30 and 9pm. It's a 5 minute walk tops, even with lots of chatting on the way. I felt perfectly happy either way them doing that.

Home by 6.30pm if winter and dark, out later in summer months but home by 8pm.

I still collect dd1 at 17 rather than her walk home at 10pm. My parents always either picked me up or gave me money for a taxi until I could drive myself. I was a very independent teen in all other ways but my parents wanted me to be safe.

Me too, mostly drunk in a field. Not really wishing the same for my dc 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t be happy with DD walking home alone in the dark at 14 at any time. I’d go and pick her up.

Yes, agree. I don’t know if my experience was irregular but also there were in late80/early90s rapes and attacks around richmond hill/richmond park that really scared me as a child, combined with multiple times of being followed home and incidences of men trying to grope me/ pals. I do wonder now if lived in an area that had high number of peodophiles, as a few friends in Surrey had some very strange incidents occur, incl with now convicted celebrity peodophiles.

I live in Australia, in a Brisbane suburb and it’s a no from me. I don’t know any of my kids friends parents who’d be happy them walking 20 mins late at night either. I always drop mine off or collect them from places.

None of mine would have walked home in the dark. Ds2 has been mugged twice, both in day-light. Even now he is at uni I tell him to get an uber if alone at night making his way home. He has my bank card linked. My dad picked me up from nights out until he no longer could anymore, even when I was in early 40’s.

Ds2 is 14 and he has to be home by 9:30. We live in a small semi remote town in the highlands, the furthest away from home he’d be is 2 miles I can see him on life 360 all the time.
Our small town is probably like suburbs of a bigger city and does have problems but is fairly safe overall. I’m not sure what the situation would be if we were still living in a city in our old neighbourhood. It was a good area but still different to where we live now.

Bit of an aside to this thread, but they said on the show the girl was two years older than the 13-year-old boy who killed her. So in Adolescence she would have been around 15

Can’t here as it’s rural villages, always has to be a pick up job and will probably remain that way until shes old enough to cab into the city (Shes 13). All her friends are in other villages.

I remember being harassed walking home from the local Spar aged 14 (and looking much younger. At the time I was under 5 foot and weighed less than 6 stone soaking wet with big braces) by blokes in a car following me slowly and shouting obscenities (they clearly thought scaring a child was hilarious!) -- this was in a nice suburb of a smaller city at about 7:30pm (but getting dark).

I'd be very uncomfortable having kids out walking home alone after dark.

I don't see why they would need to be out with friends in the dark and if it was winter I would pick them up from activities, in summer they can walk themselves but my 14 yo is still in bed by 9 so isn't out late.

Inner London, would've walked home from scouts at 9:30 from 12-13ish, and sometimes out with mates, on buses or walking round town. Can't say we always 'allowed' it exactly- there was certainly friction. Our streets have got much quieter at night now post covid and with traffic calming schemes, not always a good thing for safety.

I have boys, and if they are at local (around a mile away) friend's house I expect them to walk home at that time. They would message me as they left (they are 14 and 15).

I'm interested in how the "never after dark" people would pick up two children from activities ending at the same time 20 minutes apart...

Where we live no, stabbings, youth gang activity, local grammar school boys getting mugged for their bikes and phones. Where PIL live small village nothing going on, everyone knows everyone, yes.

I do it by not having two children, just the one. And she doesn’t do any after school activities.

Mine (girls and boys) all love running so go every day and have done from about 13. Obviously in the dark during the winter so have just got used to it. The older ones babysit and get themwelves home at all hours. We live in a big city.

I think it's walking home from places rather than hanging out in the dark (drink cider as I did in the 90s).

In fact thinking of it like that I was allowed out from about 12 until at least 10pm at the weekend in the dark in the 90s. We were in pubs by 14 and walked ourselves home by 11.30pm very different times. I fear that we are creating anxious children if they can't walk a twenty minute alone. Yes shit happens but it also happens in houses and online and we need a level of risk in our lives otherwise we will just sit in a room worried.