To think this shouldn't have happened to me after giving birth? (Possible trigger warning although I don't know how to categorise it)

[MarmaladeBagel]

I had a baby eight years ago when me and dp were in our early twenties. We were watching telly this evening and there was a scene where a woman gave birth and it prompted a conversation about my labour/birth experience, hence this thread as I'm now just looking for perspective...

I had a natural birth and a second degree tear, no pain relief but gas and air throughout labour, my choice and I coped well with just the gas for labour and birth.

After the birth a surgeon was called into the room to examine me, because I'd torn, and the midwife gave me the gas and air back before he started. The gas and air was not sufficient at all for whatever he was doing to me, it was excruciating. To the point I begged him to stop and he didn't straight away. In my mind I have a memory of saying "please please stop" with my legs in those stirrups, essentially trapped on the bed and panicking/begging. He then stopped and I was given anaesthetic for the actual stitches. And it was the same doctor who did then repair me which of course I am grateful for.

Dp told me earlier tonight that it's a really horrible memory for him too and the way I was begging went right through him as he was just holding and looking down at our little baby, so it's a very clear and vivid memory for him as well. It's really made me think and validated how traumatic it was. I've had 2 smear tests 3 years apart since I've given birth and thought about this moment during both of them, very annoyingly.

I would like to know if my experience of being examined after a tear and before anaesthetic is normal or unusual, I genuinely don't know. Never had another baby.

Hello. Retired midwife here. Midwives normally suture, however sometimes they do need to call in a Dr if the tear is out of their scope of practice.

OP the Dr would have been examining you to ascertain the extent of the tear. However, this should have been fully explained to you and he should have asked for you consent. I always told my ladies that they were in full control and they could tell me to stop at anytime. You should have also been given the gas and air whilst the examination was taken place.

I would encourage you to contact the maternity unit and ask for debriefing. This should have been offered when you were discharged. Someone will go through your notes and answer any questions that you have. They will explain to you what happened and why it happened.

To everyone that has experience trauma during your pregnancies, labour and postnatal period, I'm sorry that this has happened to you (it happened to me too), I'm sending you all hugs and would encourage you all to consider debriefing.

Just reading this gave me a horrible sensation and memories of similar experiences after births. It’s common and absolutely should not be. It was so traumatic.

I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. I had a 3rd degree tear. They told me it would need to be repaired in theatre and I would need a spinal. I remember holding my baby and waiting for theatre/the Dr to be ready, it was agony, just lieing there with no body touching anything. I still had glass and air. When they were ready for me, everyone was very kind. The spinal was the first thing to happen. I can't imagine the pain of being examined without anesthetic.

After my birth I had a midwife come to the house to talk through what happened from my notes - birth reflection I think it was called. It helped. I know it's a longer time since your birth, but you could still ask if you feel it might help.

It's never too late to contact the unit and ask for debriefing. And that Dr, if he came into your room uninvited and brought people with him, is disgraceful. As a midwife, I would have chucked him out of the room. They Drs were very respectful at our unit.

You should definitely write and self-publish an e-book to teach the rest of us how to have super-fannies like yours.

My first labour and birth wasn't the most pleasant experience. I feel like I can't complain because nobody died, I wasn't damaged. I laugh it off because it was just such a bewildering and out of control experience.

the midwives didn't believe I was in labour until I made them do a check and I was whisked down to labour ward at 8cm dilated. I had student midwives caring and they were all really quite passive and nobody told me I could push until a doctor came in and told me that unless I tried a bit harder they would need to get forceps out.

After DC1 was born, I needed stitches and wasn't given adequate local anaesthetic. I just remember the student midwife then obstetrician being... not careless but focused on the stitching and not the human being stitched.

The whole time I felt like I wasn't expected or meant to be an active participant. It wasn't that long ago, DC1 is 14 so it wasn't like it was in the 50s. But I out my trust into the midwife team to look after me but really, I should have spent time advocating for myself.

It's hard. There's this experience which we are all told is to be magical and life affirming but the reality is often not. I wasn't expecting soft lighting and whale music, but I was hoping for people to talk to me and help me understand what was going on.

Like I said, I laugh it off now. I learnt from it and built up some personal resilience after it. But perhaps things could have been less bewildering.

@Dreamerinme
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
You just reminded me of yet another awful thing during my awful first labour and delivery.
At some point I was asked if it was ok to have students in theatre while they attempted ventouse (turned out to need forceps) and I said I did NOT want students in there - I was about 30 hours in at this point, horribly mismanaged back to back labour.
Well guess what they came in anyway - big crowd of them while my blood was splashing on the floor and the doctor was rummaging up to the elbows to get my daughter out. My exDH said it looked like she was working on a car.
It was just one more awful thing n top of so many that I basically
I had no voice there at all.

And my episiotomy was so badly stitched that when I had my six week check at the hospital the very kind, very posh consultant (no doubt playing golf when I was in labour) was visibly horrified and extremely apologetic. I was booked in to have it restitched so that was really fun.

Next baby was in a different hospital and ExDH was very
proactive in advocating for me.

You were vulnerable, with your legs in stirrups and in pain and feel that examination continued despite you withdrawing consent.

your feelings are totally valid.

I imagine it’s pretty common for surgeons to have patients begging them to stop - I did when being given stitches in my head at 7yo and there’s a huge uneven line drawn about where it’s in patients best interests and where it’s not ok to have carried on.

But your feelings are absolutely valid because it’s how you felt and how DP felt.

Similar happened to me
In stirrups getting stitches,with no anesthetic
I'm screaming at her to stop ,can't move ,she won't stop ,says she is needed elsewhere and hasn't time to wait for any anesthetic to work ..
Most horrendous experience,was 20years ago ,but I remember it like it was yesterday.
It massively effected my further births as I refused consultant care and had water births so no one could get near me .I also refused stitches with a second birth .
It's shocking what we put up with when in the NHS hands .
I worry for my daughter if she ever gets pregnant

My wonderful midwife stitched me up after a second degree tear - nearly 25 years ago. There was no anaesthetic but I’d had diamorphine during the birth so maybe that was why. She said it would hurt and I was to tell her when it was not bearable and she would stop right away - which she did. She let me have a minute or two and then encouraged me to let her keep going as she was nearly done. It was bearable and I think she handled it well.

I remember the community midwife looking shocked when she examined me and asking ‘did a doctor do that?’ In a very critical tone. I said no, it was the midwife, but it was a tricky tear. She then changed tack completely and praised the stitching! The sisterhood in evidence! It does look a bit strange down there but has never given me any problems so she must have done a good job, and her whole approach was good, so I count myself very lucky.

My midwife chucked out an obstetrician who came in uninvited to chat to DH who he knew socially. Bless her. She said firmly 'Could you kindly conduct your social life outside this room?'.

OP, I also had a tear and stitching although I still had the epidural working mostly. I completely understand your sense of trauma. Mine was 14 years ago and I still have flashbacks. I've not been able to manage getting a smear in the past 5 years because I get so traumatised. I think I also had some 'over enthusiastic' stitching as sex has been very painful since.

So no advice- just solidarity.

Well done you, but considering this is a thread about women sharing traumatic painful experiences of their labours I think this is a dreadful comment!!

I had a similar experience to many here. Nasty 3rd degree tear, query if it was a fourth. I was examined next to the birth pool by the midwives then taken to a separate room. Was naked with just a sheet over me and newborn DC on my chest. I had a Dr come in and examine the tear, he had a load of students with him. About 3 of them got the chance to stick a finger up my arse and feel the tear. It was so painful. Nothing was explained, no permission was given for them to manhandle my mangled vag and arse. I didn't feel able to move to do anything as I had ds on my chest. Eventually I was taken to surgery to have a repair. Again with a gaggle of students staring at my crotch. Dh had ds at this point.

But through all of that, the worst was the fact after surgery I was wheeled though the hospital, still naked with just a sheet, ds on my chest to a ward, where I was left still covered in his urine and poo, unable to move or clean myself up. I felt so disgusting and vulnerable trying to feed my newborn while dh did his best to clean me up with wet wipes.

I had a home birth for my second child as I refused to set foot in that hospital again unless it was life or death.

Indeed. Every woman and every woman's body is different. Imagine!

I had every painkiller going. I also had an accident at the age of 19 where I smashed my pelvis and a few vertebrates. My consultant at the time told me that I should never give birth naturally. When I explained that when I was pregnant I was met with a shrug and a 'we'll start you off naturally and see how far you get'. Well,I had a 26 hour labour. DS got stuck. I had a PPH and DS had to be resuscitated and now has learning difficulties due to a lack of oxygen at birth.

People should not think their own terrific pain relief free births are down to some sort of superiority. It can just be blind bloody luck.

I was stitched up on just gas and air and it was excruciatingly painful, it was by far the worst part of the whole birth. This was 13 years ago and I only last year learned and acknowledged that this was unacceptable and I should have had local anaesthetic.

It’s a massive head fuck, I totally feel you. Birth is traumatic enough already.

Women are treated appallingly in medical settings sometimes.

My mother in Australia had a hystoscopy. General anaesthetic, standard. Here- not standard. My colleague has had three and each time was told to take some paracetamol beforehand. That sort of thing has been in the papers just recently as an outrage. Naga Manchetty is campaigning that women should have pain relief for coil removals. When I told my mother (who is a former nurse) that pain relief for hystoscopies is not given as standard here she was horrified.

I also did not know until the past few years that I was entitled to insist on a c-section. Especially given my medical history. It was just dismissed. My son has life time consequences thanks to that.

Drs are trained to knock on the door and wait (on the labour ward). Midwives know their limitations and will always ask for a Dr when it's beyond their scope of practice.

I've had two very similar labours, two second degree tears, and two very different experiences of the examination and stitching. For my first, I'd already had some local as they were prepping me for an episiotomy just before I pushed him out. Hardly felt a thing when they were examining and stitching.

For my second I had gas and air for the examination and local before the stitching and it was still excruciating, I was writhing on the bed and was seriously scared I was going to involuntarily crush or drop my newborn, such was the pain. I can only assume the local didn't 'take' as well as the first time, or wasn't given enough time to work. The attitude was very much 'there's nothing we can do, you just have to get through it' 🤷🏼‍♀️

😂😂😂

My story is funny rather than traumatising. I'd had an epidural and was encouraged to top it up with gas and air when the midwife was stitching my (second) second degree tear so didn't feel anything more than discomfort, but she decided to use me as an example to show her colleague a fancy new stitch she'd learnt while volunteering as a midwife in Africa.

I mean, massive props to her for helping women in poorer countries, very impressive to see midwives engaging in continuing professional development, but I swear it took an hour. But she seems to have done a good job- my fanny's as good as new nowadays.

Thankyou all for sharing your experiences with me and thankyou to the midwife and retired midwife for your comments and explanations. I've just done the school run for said 8 year old and now sat reading through.

I do feel reassured that it was relatively normal now to be examined before being given anaesthetic for the stitches, so I do accept that there are reasons for that. But a couple of posters have touched on the fact that I withdrew consent and it carried on which is why I think it really sent me into a panic.

I am so sorry for some of your experiences too. I don't think I'll follow up for a de brief now but I might mention the next time I need a smear or something that internal examinations make me anxious, because they do and I do think it's a touch of ptsd.

More often than not, women (and children) don't get given adequate pain relief at all. Their pain is usually dismissed. I am sorry this happened to you.

I did not consent to a violent and horrendously invasive, excrutiatingly agonising procedure either, but I was too traumatised to complain later.

You said stop. He should have stopped because your consent was withdrawn at that point.

No human should have to beg for a trained professional to stop doing something that causes pain.

Complain now and ask for reassurance that such practices have stopped.

3 births with just gas and air, 2nd degree tear each time and horrible experience being sewn up for all three, worse than the actual labour.

I think the pain happened when he was assessing the damage when of course I could feel everything. Then again when trying to inject the local anaesthetic. It was agony and I was crying and screaming. He just kept shouting at me to relax because he couldn’t access the area needed because I was clenching.

Then to top it off, after the stitches for the last birth, the doctor roughly inserted a pain relief pessary anally. Excruciating because I obviously had no anaesthetic there and had piles from pregnancy. It was traumatic.

This actually also happened me, the doctor was so proud of his stitching, but Jesus the pain was excruciating!