Not to drink on my Hen dos?

[butterfly172]

I completed Dry January and since then I’ve drank a handful of times, however I’m a binge drinker and don’t have just one or two drinks! The hangovers are awful and I suffer terrible anxiety and I’m thinking of dropping alcohol as I’ve been sober curious for a while.
However, I’m getting married in May and I’ve got 2 Hen do’s planned…is it unreasonable for me not to drink alcohol at these events and even my wedding??
One of the Hen dos is one week before my wedding and the depression/anxiety left to me by a hangover can last a week!

Of course it's not unreasonable

definitely not bu and you might find a lot of your friends feel the same way.

I think a lot of people expect it to a boozy get together but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t enjoy a sober one. Can you mention it to whoever is organizing that you would prefer something less boozy?

I personally would prefer a spa day or if it’s a night away, a few mocktails and good nights sleep sounds bliss to me (but I have children so maybe am not the same crowd)

YANBU at all. You should never feel compelled to drink at any time, and it being your hen do is no reason to drink. I think depending on your friends you may have to ensure you buy all of your own drinks, as there are always some people who see those not drinking as a judgement on their drinking.

It's not a legal requirement!

Not at all. Being alcohol free is such a clearer way to enjoy yourself. If anyone judges you for it then that’s their problem not yours.

I went to a hen do where the bride and the brides mum chose not to drink and we all had a great time. No one can force you to drink. Just say you are detoxing to keep your skin lovely or whatever. have fun!

What settings are your hen dos?

If its a late night bar with a stripper you may feel oblidged on the night 🤣

I don't drink and would probably plan things that dont centre around getting drunk. A spa day or day lunch etc

I think you can give up whatever you want and do whatever you want for your hen do!!

i am so tempted to give up drinking myself , I’m sure I’d feel so much better for it but my friendship / family group things are often centred around drinks and that makes me feel nervous?

Your body your choice.
Be prepared for the inevitable questions about pregnancy though. As apparently a woman who doesn't drink must be pregnant....

Of course YANBU. However, how easy this will be to pull off in practice is very much going to depend on your friends.

If this was me, my friends would probably take the piss but be supportive. It wouldn’t be a big deal. In other friendship groups I suspect it might not be that easy. If your friends try to bully you into drinking then clearly they are shit friends, but it’s more likely they’ll just annoy you by asking what’s brought it on and “are you sure you don’t want an alcoholic drink?” - which can be wearing and take the edge off things for you. If you think that might be the case, consider changing the event to something that lends itself less to drinking.

I went to a hen do that was a meal out and the bride to be gave some of us a lift home afterwards as she wasn't drinking at the time.
Perfectly reasonable choice.

Your hen do, do what you want. Maybe pick an activity rather than a bar. I think for a lot of guests it would probably be a relief too!

The hen does I've been to have involved alcohol but they have never really been boozy. Mainly few drinks later at the pub/cottage. Mainly because the activities have not been alcohol related. We've done flower arranging at florist so nobody thought about drinking. Went to cooking school etc.. So if you have a nice day of activities then drinkers won't even notice they haven't drank. But also you shouldn't have to explain your choices.

The best hen do I went to was a meal in a lovely Italian restaurant. I don't drink. I don't see why a hen do has to be boozy or involve crazy behaviour.
Just tell your friends.

I had a bad Christmas this year, and so thought it best not to drink. The concerned looks from relatives was a bonus, and provided me with much amusement. Kicking the family rumour mill into gear was hysterical

If you are doing all day brunches/ out at bars, in a drinking environment then won't it be difficult for you to not succumb to a drink? Or be irritated by others when drunk?

Have you got activities where the focus isn't on drinking?

I’m going to a hen do soon where the hen doesn’t drink. She has no objection to anyone else drinking but she herself takes lifelong medication which means alcohol is best avoided.
I myself have massively reduced my drinking in the past year due to terrible hangovers and awful crippling hangxiety. I may have a drink at the hen do but quite probably won’t.
just listen to what your head is telling you and don’t worry about what anyone else says, know your own mind.
and enjoy!!

My friends/family Hen do is a meal at a restaurant with a 90's themed band. There is alcohol obviously but it's not centred around it. It's all book now with deposits paid and I don't wish to change it but I think I could get away with not drinking?

My friends/family might be a little taken aback as I've always been a "drinker" but I don't think I'd be pressured as such.

Yes, of course. Just tell them the truth.

I've wanted to stop drinking for some time, but I don't because I'm a little scared truth be told. Scared of judgement, fear of missing out, etc etc etc....

See other quote I've done but it doesn't have to revolve around drink as it's a dinner/music night.

If it's a dinner dance, enjoy! Should be pretty easy to be on non-alcoholic drinks. You probably won't be the only one.

It’s absolutely fine. I was also a binge drinker and haven’t drank for 3 years now as the hangovers and hangxiety stopped being worth it. I’ve done hen dos, nights out, weddings etc, all sober. I would say though that the things I lost when I stopped drinking was the ability to enjoy a shit night out and tolerance for drunk people repeating themselves, so the easiest sober nights are ones when you’ll be doing an activity/dancing etc.

This ⬆️