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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to drink on my Hen dos?

61 replies

butterfly172 · 24/03/2025 09:59

I completed Dry January and since then I’ve drank a handful of times, however I’m a binge drinker and don’t have just one or two drinks! The hangovers are awful and I suffer terrible anxiety and I’m thinking of dropping alcohol as I’ve been sober curious for a while.
However, I’m getting married in May and I’ve got 2 Hen do’s planned…is it unreasonable for me not to drink alcohol at these events and even my wedding??
One of the Hen dos is one week before my wedding and the depression/anxiety left to me by a hangover can last a week!

OP posts:
DelectableMe · 24/03/2025 11:35

A turning point for me was when I saw a hen do group dancing round our city centre in the afternoon. They had huge pink dildos and were shouting and screaming at everyone. They were all roaring drunk. They just looked and sounded so pathetic. I thought, would they do that sober?

LSGXX · 24/03/2025 11:37

Definitely don’t drink! If you get any pushback from anyone, give them shirt shrift!

holrosea · 24/03/2025 12:16

Hi OP,

I haven't had a drink in 5+ years, preceded by another 3 years of various sober experiments. I think I may have stopped for reasons similar to yourself.

I never questioned the role of booze. I went from university binge drinking to an expat city in my twenties, nearly all socialising involved drinking. I am in a country where people still occasionally express surprise that I don't drink At All - not even a glass of wine? Champagne? What about Christmas? New Year?

First of all, I have NEVER regretted giving up booze. It does change your social life because you lose the acquaintances and the hangers on and the people who think you are "just hilarious". However, you keep the people who matter and the people with whom you have a solid bond of friendship, a shared history, or are able to have an honest conversation with. You also find that your patience for different social situation or for very drunk people changes - I still go out to bars and enjoy parties, but I won't be there until 3 am while some idiot spit talks over me about what a cow his third wife was.

Also, no hangovers ever again. No dread at what you might have done/said/spent. No post-binge anxiety.

Read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. Or it you think your drinking is anxiety driven, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker.

In practical terms, start telling people now: "I felt really great during Dry January I am trying to carry it on." Just let your friends and family know between now and the Hen Do that you've found a whole lot of new energy or feel more clear headed, so you'll be avoiding drinking at your parties.

Stock up on Nosecco, Square Root make non alcoholic cocktails in cute little bottles that you can order for delivery. Plenty of breweries make 0.0 beers, although these aren't hangover free as a lot of the preservatives and flavourings are the same. No one can tell the difference between a Mojito and a Virgin Mojito, same with a Moscow Mule or a Tom Collins.

Elderflower cordial with fizzy or soda water is a nice alternative to coke/fanta/squash, and feels more grown up.

If it helps with the motivation, ask yourself "what would I rather do tomorrow?". Surrounded by expats, Thursday night lock ins, Saturday nights out and Sunday Fundays, I was often just drinking by habit or default. I stopped because I felt that being hungover and useless was life limiting. When I was trying to break that habit, I would ask myself "what would you rather do tomorrow? Hangover or go for a swim? Hangover or see a film? Hangover or get your CV sorted?" and that helped me focus on what I wanted.

PuzzleMix · 24/03/2025 13:39

It's crazy that our drinking culture is so heavily embedded that we feel we need to explain or give a head ups when we decide not to drink, and worry people will be put out, make speculations or even encourage us to drink alcohol.

I've been alcohol free for about 6 years for a few reasons and it's the best thing l've done. I have social anxiety and would often drink because of awkwardness. Now l just have to throw myself into these situations and be myself. Not always easy and l did hide in the bathroom at a wedding last year as the people l went with were all getting hammered and leaving me on my own to go outside to smoke! Conversation can be tedious with very drunk people and they're not as funny as l thought they were when l was drunk too!

Saying all that, l don't mind at all what others do - and they shouldn't mind if you decide not to drink.

TunnocksOrDeath · 24/03/2025 13:56

Coconutter24 · 24/03/2025 11:30

Why? What impact on anyone else does it have if another person drinks?

If she's the hen, they might have bought a fancy bottle or organised cocktails for her in advance.
I very rarely drink, none of my friends or family have a problem with that, but some of our friends do sometimes forget, and we have a cupboard full of 'nice bottles' that we've received as gifts. We appreciate the thought, and they usually get taken down to Mum & Dad's at Christmas for 'proper disposal' 😉

LeaveTaking · 24/03/2025 13:59

I haven’t drank since December and I get some questions, I see some people less but that’s their choice.

Life is just better sober. Better sleep, love mornings now, never use it as a ‘feel better’.

I wasn’t a big drinker before this, but it gave me almighty hangovers.

So no! You don’t have to drink!

Coconutter24 · 24/03/2025 14:58

TunnocksOrDeath · 24/03/2025 13:56

If she's the hen, they might have bought a fancy bottle or organised cocktails for her in advance.
I very rarely drink, none of my friends or family have a problem with that, but some of our friends do sometimes forget, and we have a cupboard full of 'nice bottles' that we've received as gifts. We appreciate the thought, and they usually get taken down to Mum & Dad's at Christmas for 'proper disposal' 😉

If they’ve organised something like that though surely it would just get shared amongst everyone anyway.
I don’t drink at all and usually get a bottle of something for my birthday, it is quite annoying smiling and accepting when they know full well I don’t drink so I do the same as you share or hand out at Christmas 🙈😂

Riverswims · 24/03/2025 15:04

Exasperated24 · 24/03/2025 11:01

What the hell is sober curious??

It’s self explanatory

B1indEye · 24/03/2025 15:14

I have Millie Macintoshs book next on my list to read, I'm guessing she faced the same issues with going sober and I'm interested to the pressure she came under

But, as a grown up do what you want, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only the immature will be bothered

Exasperated24 · 24/03/2025 15:41

Riverswims · 24/03/2025 15:04

It’s self explanatory

Is it?

Smokeyblueblack · 24/03/2025 16:56

I really despair about weddings these days.
I've just spoken to a neighbour whose granddaughter has spent 5 years and £25,000, so far, on her wedding. And we have thread after thread about problems caused by hen dos, stag dos, upset over who is invited and who isn't invited to which part if the wedding. It's insane, it's ridiculous, it's unreal.
Why do you even need to start a thread about it? It's your life. Take control. Dont let the lunatics take over the asylum - if that's offensive I apologise. But really?

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