Not to drink on my Hen dos?

[butterfly172]

I completed Dry January and since then I’ve drank a handful of times, however I’m a binge drinker and don’t have just one or two drinks! The hangovers are awful and I suffer terrible anxiety and I’m thinking of dropping alcohol as I’ve been sober curious for a while.
However, I’m getting married in May and I’ve got 2 Hen do’s planned…is it unreasonable for me not to drink alcohol at these events and even my wedding??
One of the Hen dos is one week before my wedding and the depression/anxiety left to me by a hangover can last a week!

i Get ya I get awful hangovers il vomit the whole day so I don’t bother drinking anymore. I do get bad social anxiety so I think on a hen I would drink as I’d feel too awkward but if you can do it without that then do! My own hen I was so sick the next day I couldn’t get out of bed to half 4 I missed most of the day 2! Not worth it 🤢

I gave up alcohol some years ago, and have felt so much better. I have to keep telling people that I don't drink, though, but that's fine if people think it's strange.
I went to someone's house warming and they handed me a glass of champagne at the door. I handed it to someone else. You just have to be persistent!

I have a friend who doesn’t drink at all. She just doesn’t want to anymore and has become quite health focused. She turns up on nights out and sings and dances and has a fabulous time fuelled by Diet Coke. She’s a very organised and motivated person and a brilliant friend, it has not crossed my mind once to question her or feel aggrieved that she doesn’t drink. You just have to own it really and brush off any remarks.

Why do you think she needs to make excuses/lie about why she's not drinking?
If people give you a hard time or mither about why you're not drinking, they're not proper friends and not worth worrying about.

In your opinion, do you feel you miss out? Got a terrible fear of being left behind.

I can't think why you are even asking!

You have acknowledged that binge drinking was problematical for you and taken the entirely reasonable step not to drink. I can't see why a hen do is any different from any other occasion. You are not there to get drunk, but to celebrate with your friends.

You won't miss out. You can still have a great time.

I'm thinking of messaging my Hens on the Whatsapp group with a "heads up" but I don't know what to say..?

You don't need to justify this. They don't need a heads up about your personal choices. Just be confident in your own decision.

It’s best to say something (I like the “keeping fresh for the big day” line), because otherwise everyone will assume you’re pregnant! You could just tell the truth - you’re cutting back on alcohol.

What the hell is sober curious??

You are making this into a massive deal that it really isn’t.

People won’t care if you drink or not OP. You are an adult I assume, so do what is right for you.

Considering a life without alcohol.

Defo an adult...42 😂

One of the Hen dos is one week before my wedding and the depression/anxiety left to me by a hangover can last a week!

Why would even consider risking ruining or not enjoying your wedding day for the sake of having some drinks?!?

At the very start of being sober there were a few occasions where I didn’t stay late at a friends while they carried on drinking, or wasn’t invited to last minute drinks in the pub etc, because people assumed I wouldn’t want to go. At the time I did worry I was being left out but I just told my friends to invite me to anything anyway as sometimes I join. There was some initial push back from friends about whether I’d ever drink again but now they never question me not drinking and many have said they actually love spending time with me because we often choose to do dinners, brunches, cinema etc and have quality time together. Ultimately anyone that is your truly friend would never exclude you for sobriety.

You're a 42 year old woman. You have made a perfectly reasonable decision about what you choose to consume. You will feel physically and emotionally better.
You don't need to explain or excuse yourself.

Perfectly reasonable, though would be courteous to let others know you are not going to be drinking.

Why?

You are going to get the pregnancy speculation and possibly ageist comments, so I'd be honest. Hitting peri menopause and during, a lot of women drop/reduce alcohol, so you will find others happy to follow your lead. Now I'm fully through the menopause I find I can have two cocktails and that's enough. I will never give up seasonal cocktails, or flavoured Baileys.

I was a binge drinker just like you and I'm now two years sober - my life is sooooo much better! No hangovers, anxiety is at an all time low and I lost lots of weight. I don't find that I miss out - you notice there's a point on nights out where people become incoherent and at that point I quite happily go home, eat something nice, watch something good, do my skin care and feel very happy when I'm lovely and fresh in the morning. So you don't miss out because you get to enjoy the good part of the night where you're socialising and having fun while fully present and then you go home! I'm engaged and will definitely do my hen party sober, I think you're making a bigger thing of it if you tell people, just do it and have a fab time!!

I agree with this - doing things where you would normally drink but not drinking can feel like you are missing out or depriving yourself of something. A nice lunch or an activity which wouldn't traditionally involve booze might work best. I like a really nice breakfast out for this reason.

Why? What impact on anyone else does it have if another person drinks?

You don’t need to drink at these events or at anytime. I don’t drink and it’s fine. I sometimes get pressured to have a drink and I say No I don’t drink alcohol. Watch in case your drinks get alcohol added for a laugh. I’d say to stick to sparkling water as that’s easy to for you to check because it’s just got the bubbles and no flavour.

Have you missed out over the past few months? If you start to feel you're missing out there is nothing stopping you drinking. You're not signing a contract to never drink again! But if you're feeling healthier and clearer headed good for you! I wouldn't send a heads up. You're not showing up with a second head, there's nothing to warn them about. You're not drinking, it's no big deal. If you feel weird, you can always have a quiet word with the bar around bringing you nom alcohol versions of the drinks ordered though.

They absolutely will think you're pregnant though, so up to you if you want to hide it until you're sure it's going to stick. it's an unfortunate assumption people make because we live in ridiculous drinking culture.