To think 3-4 hours to yourself is actually quite a lot of time when you have preschool children?

[2025vibe]

I’m having a few problems with DH at the moment. I think he means well, but he starts doing these endless jobs in the garden and they take hours, are apparently essential tasks that cannot possibly wait even a moment, and require hours of time.

I’ve gone along with it and even though he’s away during the week I’ve taken the children (age 4 and 21 months) out to parks and walks and so on to give him some space.

So going through the last four weekends, I’ve taken them to a farm alone for about six hours (that incorporated a nap for the little one) then to a little party in the afternoon alone. I’ve taken them to a park and then shoe shopping alone (about four hours) and to a forest walk and play on a park (four hours)

The rest of the time I often have one child and he has the other which seems fair except I always get the little one who is harder just because of her age.

I arrived back just now and DH started moaning and saying he needed to finish this job. I got a bit annoyed and pointed out he’d had four hours to do his work and the rest.

I don’t think I’m being u reasonable here but I’m wondering if anyone else with similarly aged children does this amount of alone time? I’m starting to feel like DH is just taking the piss!

Do you get 3-4 hours to yourself every weekend? I guess not. He's being a twat. Send him out with the kids and stay home and do jobs.

I bet he creates these jobs so he can avoid parenting.

A 4 year old can do gardening send them both outside any u and the little one can take a nap

This, why do you have to go out for him to do jobs.

It’s only fair if you get a similar amount of time to piss about.

Why do you need to be out of the house for him to do garden jobs? Is he taking both kids out when you are doing the day to day chores in the house? He sounds like he is just trying to get weekends to himself to relax. Leave him with both kids next weekend and go and do something for yourself.

He’s creating the jobs because he wants to avoid the children. It’s very obvious I’m afraid and all too common.

He is inventing jobs to do so he doesn’t have to spend time with his family

So yes, the four year old can and does potter round in the garden. Little one does not nap in the cot or the pushchair. Absolutely not. Only the car. I suspect the nap will be phased out slowly but she does still need it. But still, the point is regarding imbalance of time and as I suspected most men who are married with children this age aren’t spending their weekends on jobs while their wives are out with the kids!

Do the jobs need doing or is he creating jobs? Why can't you stay home, you are out a lot with small children, that could be adding stress.

Massive piss take. Being on your own with a podcast etc to potter and do the garden is the equivalent of a city break when the it’s the weekend with small children. You either share this time between you or you can both do the farm trip and leave the jobs.

I have the same age kids and my DH tries it on similarly as well,to do woodwork crafting in the garden though for hours on end 🤔 and then if we have made plans to go out, obviously when it's toilet time before getting shoes on, this is when he decides it is imperative to start a deep clean of his office/ the bathroom/ whatever inconvenience he can muster.

So I suck it up and then dump the kids back with him and run out the door, shouting byeeeee I'll be back in a bit they need tea/snack/lunch! I organise myself beforehand so I have my grab bag ready by the door - swim stuff, kindle and puzzle book, clothes shopping bag... whatever I fancy taking myself off to do for 3 hours or however long! And of course I don't tell him how long I'll be, either. It really pisses him off, funnily enough 😂

Me too.

Nope. Near identical age DC and I would not tolerate this at all. Weekends are for ensuring both DH and I spend time with each other and the DC, alongside both of us getting a bit of a rest. We chose to have a very low maintenance house and garden to facilitate this while the kids are little. All of that can happen in the future.

Do a role swap next weekend. You do the imaginery made up jobs in the garden and he entertains the kids for 5 hours.

Can’t you all work together in the garden? If a project needs doing eg planting, digging etc go out there and all of you work as a team. I bet the kids would love it.

My partner can be a bit like this, he’s very pro active and wants to be busy all the time however he takes our 21 month old into the garden with him to run about, has him sitting nearby with a screwdriver while he’s building furniture or when he’s on the laptop doing paperwork. No reason for the kids to need to be out the way while he’s “busy” so if he’s pushing you into taking them out then you need to chat about that I think

I have the same age dc and I get about 12 hours child-free time during the week, as youngest is in nursery and the eldest is at school (I'm a sahm and am with the younger one the rest of the time). It's definitely something I feel I need after having dcs with me almost all the time before she started nursery.

At weekends DH and I work as a team, usually going out as a family, and one of has one child each, so we don't have child-free time. It does mean that house/DIY jobs get pushed back but spending time together while they're young is our priority for now.

Isn’t the bigger problem that he is trying to avoid his family?

As a keen gardener I might be a bit biased but I find this time of year is quite busy and if I don't get things done then I could miss the window for certain things to be planted for summer. If he's doing this from necessity because the garden needs the work done then I would still see this as work that needs done around the house but if he's just pottering and it's for his own enjoyment then I think he needs to cut it back and make sure you get equal down time to yourself AND time as a family.

Did these endless jobs exist before you had children?

He’s just vanished again so I’m left with solo bedtime. I don’t know what to do to be honest.

What do you mean vanished?

Could you just vanish tomorrow night as a starter?