To think 3-4 hours to yourself is actually quite a lot of time when you have preschool children?

[2025vibe]

I’m having a few problems with DH at the moment. I think he means well, but he starts doing these endless jobs in the garden and they take hours, are apparently essential tasks that cannot possibly wait even a moment, and require hours of time.

I’ve gone along with it and even though he’s away during the week I’ve taken the children (age 4 and 21 months) out to parks and walks and so on to give him some space.

So going through the last four weekends, I’ve taken them to a farm alone for about six hours (that incorporated a nap for the little one) then to a little party in the afternoon alone. I’ve taken them to a park and then shoe shopping alone (about four hours) and to a forest walk and play on a park (four hours)

The rest of the time I often have one child and he has the other which seems fair except I always get the little one who is harder just because of her age.

I arrived back just now and DH started moaning and saying he needed to finish this job. I got a bit annoyed and pointed out he’d had four hours to do his work and the rest.

I don’t think I’m being u reasonable here but I’m wondering if anyone else with similarly aged children does this amount of alone time? I’m starting to feel like DH is just taking the piss!

Do you think the jobs he is doing are needed?
Because that's what it comes down to I think, prioritising time when it's limited.
I've had this issue with my husband even before we had kids, as we had set cleaning days were I was cleaning the whole house whilst he was... trimming the bushes or organising the tool shed.
In the end we agreed that we would talk about what needs doing and agree where to prioritise together.

You need to set expectations with the kids as well, because my husband would never 'disappear' at bed times or other key moments of the day. Generally, we would all go out together and if there is something that needs doing it will be whilst we're home (and the other would keep them upstairs or in the living room).
Our eldest is 3, and this all came after a lot of talking and a few low level arguments where we both expressed our needs.

Wouldn’t work. He’s just avoiding being a parent.

It was similar here when our kids were young! I wouldn't take them out as much (as there's not much to do round here!) but I would be looking after them for most of the weekend whilst he took his time over garden jobs etc.. I don't know if it was deliberate or if he didn't realise how wearing it was, as he worked FT and I didn't, so I did most of the childcare in the week too. I would batch cook at weekends such at least bought me a few hours alone in the kitchen in exchange for all his DIY and garden time.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers….

I have kids not too dissimilar in age and it’s a no from me especially as he is absent in the week. He “needs” the weekend to be with the kids it’s more important than mowing the lawn / resanding the drive.
He cant avoid being a Father indefinitely…

send him out with them and you do the big jobs…

id also highlight many jobs can be broken down into smaller tasks and done at convenient times…like NAP TIME - this is when I insist y husband does his “important” pointless low priority jobs

We do a weekend ‘wish list’ with a square for each of us (including the kids). Then we work out the best way to accomplish as many as we can over the time. This includes things like ‘go for a run’ but also these niggly jobs too. It helps me to have a little more sympathy and to make sure the jobs happen at the most convenient times and to try and make it a little fairer. I definitely used to have a habit for being more passive and complaining later while my husband just took the opportunity to get on with things first.

Do you do DIY and house maintenance though OP? I find STAHP or the half of couples who don’t do those things underestimate the time and effort it requires and always thinks it’s a 5 minute job. Especially when they’ve been out at work all week. Maybe switch around one weekend and tell him to take the kids out whilst you do the house repairs 🤔