Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think her comment was just unnecessary?

53 replies

CasaNOvayuck · 23/03/2025 12:00

I met one of my partner’s female friends today for the first time and one of the first things she said was:

”oh this one (him) as ALWAYS been such a Casanova. I hope he’s going to pay me not to tell you some of the stories, because you won’t like them!”

Needless to say, everyone else at the table went very quiet and one of the other people even told her it was inappropriate.

We laughed it off. He’s in his 40s and we all have a past. But what an odd and unnecessary thing to say to someone’s new partner!

(I know partner is an unpopular phrase here for newer relationships. I’m too old for “boyfriend” so you’ll have to forgive me).

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 23/03/2025 12:02

Yeah, she wasn't averse to causing trouble, was she?

jeaux90 · 23/03/2025 12:06

Weird, I’d see her comment as trying to sabotage the relationship. Do they have “history”

CloudPop · 23/03/2025 12:08

Not ok at all. What did your partner make of it?

Original poster
CasaNOvayuck · 23/03/2025 12:08

jeaux90 · 23/03/2025 12:06

Weird, I’d see her comment as trying to sabotage the relationship. Do they have “history”

A lot of her behaviour seemed like she was a bit besotted with him, but (to put it politely??) she’s most definitely not his type.

She was perfectly nice to me but did spend a lot of the morning emphasising how well she knew him.

OP posts:
Original poster
CasaNOvayuck · 23/03/2025 12:10

CloudPop · 23/03/2025 12:08

Not ok at all. What did your partner make of it?

I asked him jokingly if I should be worried and he said “she’s known me 35 years. She’s talking about things from years back”.

It definitely didn’t worry me particularly in terms of his history, but it was still a bit uncomfortable.

OP posts:
SuffolkUnicorn · 23/03/2025 12:12

She’s jealous of you

blankittyblank · 23/03/2025 12:13

I think this is territorial, and sometimes people to do this lay their claim on that person. To reiterate how close they are and that they know him better. Not sure if even necessarily that she likes/liked him, but to make it clear she knows things about him you don't.

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 23/03/2025 12:13

She's jealous and has feelings for him, she feels threatened by you so even if she doesn't male a play for him romantically she wants to hold onto her perceived position as a special/close friend.

JorgyPorgy · 23/03/2025 12:14

SuffolkUnicorn · 23/03/2025 12:12

She’s jealous of you

Agreed.

Mischance · 23/03/2025 12:15

Someone warned me against going out with the man who became my OH. Some people love stirring things up.

Don't let it bug you.

AlertCat · 23/03/2025 12:15

blankittyblank · 23/03/2025 12:13

I think this is territorial, and sometimes people to do this lay their claim on that person. To reiterate how close they are and that they know him better. Not sure if even necessarily that she likes/liked him, but to make it clear she knows things about him you don't.

This. For some reason she sees you as a rival. I’d be quite uncomfortable with that behaviour, I wonder if she’s done it before with his previous partners? How does he feel about her being like this?

ExtraOnions · 23/03/2025 12:15

…maybe it was just a joke .. trying to break the ice a bit. I would probably and laughed - but then again I don’t see all women as perpetually jealous, and trying to threaten my relationships.

You’ll get people along in a minute who’ll be telling you she wants him for herself (she doesn’t)

Maybe lighten up a bit.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/03/2025 12:16

Unrequited love.

Redpeach · 23/03/2025 12:19

Call her bluff, ooh so he was a bit of a fuck boy was he, tell me more

JustFeedMeCake · 23/03/2025 12:20

Ugh, she’s a pick me girl and she’s jealous of you.

Pull her up on it every single time. Such as “ that’s such a weird thing to say out loud Debbie” or “ you have the confidence of a far more attractive woman”

spinningisthebest · 23/03/2025 12:22

I had this bizarrely from one of DPs male friends. Turned out he was jealous that DP was no longer available at the drop of a hat whenever friend felt like doing something - and he would routinely let DP down when he thought he could get a leg over with an unsuspecting girl. He also on one occasion suggested he could ‘show me a better time’ and I know I was not his type so saw if for the jealousy it was to try and split us up. I told DP and DP no longer sees him.

harriethoyle · 23/03/2025 12:24

Lordy @CasaNOvayuck she sounds like a cat peeing in the corner to mark her territory!!

One of my DHs female friends was a bit like this when we met. Had got to the point where he was going to talk to her about it if it continued but she simmered down and it stopped and now she and I get on really well. I think you handled it perfectly but don’t be afraid to shut it down in the future if it continues. Life’s too short for this kind of nonsense to be anything but fleeting 🤣

Lencten · 23/03/2025 12:27

It's territorial behavior - not nessarily romantic interest from her.

I've had it with one friendship group with DH - they met him some 12 months before me usually the women sometimes the men - every time they go on about time before I met DH lots of little put downs from them as well.

I'd had enough since second child with them - they behaved awfully -- and have no contact since then - DH keeps in vauge touch. They don't seem to value him much either just view him as "theirs".

SuffolkUnicorn · 23/03/2025 12:28

Redpeach · 23/03/2025 12:19

Call her bluff, ooh so he was a bit of a fuck boy was he, tell me more

😂😂 something I’d say

andthat · 23/03/2025 12:30

@CasaNOvayuck I’d have had to answer ‘ahh fab, a life well lived! Another thing we’ve got in common then!’

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 23/03/2025 12:31

Tedious territory marking. "I know him better than you!" stuff.

Quite why she feels the need to do this, who knows? Don't make it your problem.

Nod and smile but keep your distance from her. Always.

Endofyear · 23/03/2025 12:32

Well now you know this friend is jealous and a troublemaker. It's good to know these things. Hopefully she's not too close a friend of his and you won't have to spend too much time with her!

LittleSeasideCottage · 23/03/2025 12:35

Honestly, I struggle not to say something to my brother's GFs because I know his history. He literally has a revolving door of GFs who he love bombs, future fakes, cheats on and then unceremoniously dumps for the next one. This has been thr pattern for the last 20 years.

I don't because it's not fair on the GF but I do have to squash the urge to shout 'he's not who you think he is and he will hurt you' when she's sitting there in blissful ignorance.

I'm not saying that this is the case here but there may be something she's trying to tell you albeit in a very clumsy way.

I wouldn't always jump immediately to jealousy.

LadyKenya · 23/03/2025 12:39

ExtraOnions · 23/03/2025 12:15

…maybe it was just a joke .. trying to break the ice a bit. I would probably and laughed - but then again I don’t see all women as perpetually jealous, and trying to threaten my relationships.

You’ll get people along in a minute who’ll be telling you she wants him for herself (she doesn’t)

Maybe lighten up a bit.

How ridiculous. How can you say with any certainty whatsoever, that she does not want him? You have no idea, how she feels about him.

mnreader · 23/03/2025 12:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread