DH sectioned - struggling to cope

[ResidentPike]

Hi all,

I don’t really know where to start. My DH has bipolar and has been struggling for a while, but things escalated massively last week, and he was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. I feel like I’m in shock. One minute he was home, not great but manageable, and the next he was in hospital, and I had MH professionals telling me he wasn’t safe. I knew he was unwell, but I still feel blindsided.

The DC are young (under 10), and I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible for them, but inside I feel like I’m crumbling. I swing between relief that he’s somewhere safe and being looked after, and absolute panic about what happens next. Will he get better? How long will this last? I’ve barely slept since it happened.

Has anyone else been through similar? How did you cope? I don’t want to offload too much onto family/friends, as they’re already worried. Just feeling very alone right now.

Any advice or hand-holding much appreciated.

Big handhold. No idea what happens next other than that they will help him, but do make sure you are OK - eating, sleeping etc

I’m a MH nurse. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. This is a very upsetting thing to have happened. Have you been to see him yet? It might help to see where he’s staying. If he’s been in a week then any medication they’ve started him on will have had a chance to start working, and hopefully he’s started to settle in. Other than that, if he’s given permission, a nurse will always be happy to chat through how he’s doing. Even if he hasn’t given permission, as the nearest relative of someone who’s been sectioned you have certain rights https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/nearest-relative/overview/
If he’s on a section 2 he can be detained for up to 28 days-although this might be less if he gets better quicker, although I imagine it will at least be a couple of weeks. He should have weekly ward round which you can attend either in person or via zoom where you should get a chance to talk to his psychiatrist and the rest of the team.

I’m so sorry OP. My mother was sectioned. He is safe. They will get him stable and then he should come home with support. Offering a handhold.

Thank you so much for replying. It really helps to hear from someone who understands.

I haven’t been to see him yet partly because I wasn’t sure if he’d want me to, and partly because I’ve been so overwhelmed with the DC and everything else. I feel awful admitting that. I did speak to a nurse on the phone, and they said he was settling in, but I still feel so unsure about how to handle it. I don’t want to upset him more by turning up if he’s not ready to see me.

I’ll have a proper read of that link thank you. I had no idea about the rights I have as his nearest relative. Do you think I should push to visit even if I’m not sure how he’ll react? Or wait until he asks for me?

Sorry to hear your DH isn’t well, my mum and two aunties have bipolar and have all been sectioned at times.

He’s in the best place to get better, I’m sure he’d like you to visit. Can you ring the ward and see how he’s doing?

Do you have anyone to look after your DC when you go and see him?

I think personally the first time you visit it’s better to go on your own so it’s not too overwhelming for them, and then decide once you’ve been you can decide whether to take them the next time.

Sending lots of love, it’s really hard to see when someone’s bipolar is getting bad because it’s often so gradual, hope he’s better soon.

Big handhold OP! Xx

Both my dad and brother have bipolar and have been sectioned multiple times.

Every time, they’ve come back eventually as ‘themselves’ ~ and on reflections afterwards they are able to acknowledge how good it was for them to be sectioned. Honestly I don’t think many people ‘like’ it when they’re in there, but it’s a good safe place for him to be for now.

What I would suggest is rally the support troops - if your family and friends are supportive they most likely want to DO something (I always feel so helpless if a friend goes through something like this and doesn’t ask) ~ you’ve effectively lost 50% of the parenting for your kids, it’s okay to ask for some help! Delegate dinners/groceries/childcare etc as much as you can.

Also pick a friend (or two or three!) who you can vent to after visits. For me it was SO difficult to see people who’d hurt me so much and know it was best only to stick to positive topics. IME as well those sectioned can have wild ideas and are happy to voice them (DB told me he was there/had tried to overdose so much because I wasn’t supportive as a sister…) and you just have to kind of bite your tongue, take it with a pinch of salt and then offload your feelings to a friend once you get out of there! The pinch of salt thing also carries over to complaints about the centre they’re being held in. DF once decided he wanted out and so made some horrific allegations towards staff (thankfully completely made up with CCTV to prove it) so you really have to smile, nod and think critically about what is said.

Its also important to take care of yourself during this time (easier said than done I know) - if you’re not up for visiting, don’t force yourself. His feelings are valid, and he needs looking after - BUT SO DO YOU. When all is said and done, and he’s in a better place, I’m sure he will understand whatever decisions you make even if he doesn’t right now.

Hope everything goes well for you 💜

@ResidentPike I’d call the unit and ask how receptive they think he’d be to a visit. Everyone is different but the staff will be able to sit him down and have a bit of a chat with him about how he feels about seeing you. Have you talked to him on the phone yet? Maybe do that first and build up to a visit. Most units aren’t really suitable for visits by children (although some do have family rooms off the unit itself), but he’s been there a week so they’re likely to start thinking about leave soonish. Building up to a short off unit visit with the kids is a good thing to aim for in the longish term.

Reach out to your family.

You need their help. The children would really benefit from having relatives take them out or come to your house to help with everything that needs to be done, and you need to have a chance to sit down and process all of this.

Why do you think he wouldn’t want to see you?

have you ever been to a hospital ward like this? if not, as an environment, it’s much better than you imagine it to be - I mean don’t get me wrong it’s not where anyone wishes to be but it’s just a hospital ward much like any other. Sometimes other patients can be a bit daunting but they’re all just people. If you say to the nurses when you go that you’re worried about what to do etc they’ll guide you.

My Mum was sectioned a few times, the first when I was 5 years old, that time I was sent to live with relatives, my brothers stay at home with my Dad. It wasn’t called bipolar back then, but I’m sure that’s what it would be diagnosed as today. My Dad visited when he was told he could, the first couple of weeks he stayed away, but after that visited as often as he was allowed and he would take us often, once she was stable enough. It was good for us to see her and it helped her with her recovery. Be guided by the professionals when you can visit. Her stays were usually 6/8 weeks and we would see improvement after 3 weeks. I’m sure medication has improved since and hope your DH gets the care he needs.

Hey, OP. I'm a mental health nurse, and just wanted to say the vast majority of people get better. Was he manic? If so he should start to improve with the right dose of medication. He is in the best place as people who are manic really can be quite risky.

It's always super tough as a relative and a section sounds very scary, so I'm sending a handhold. It's not too different to normal hospital though, and you might feel better if you go and see things for yourself.

You'll both get through this. As he improves, he'll be allowed escorted leave with family, so you'll build up gradually to discharge.

Ask the question. They will tell you if its in his best interests.

Massive handhold here for you. I'm sure he's in the best place, and will hopefully get better from here on out. Make sure you look after yourself too please, but if I was family/a friend I'd want to be able to help you if I could.

Thank you all, that’s really helpful. I think I will call the unit and see what they think about how he’s doing and whether he’s up for a visit. I haven’t spoken to him on the phone yet I wasn’t sure if he’d want to, but maybe I should try that first and see how he reacts.

I do have family who can help with the DC, so I can go on my own initially. I think it would be too much for them at this stage, and I have no idea what to expect myself yet. I didn’t realise they might start thinking about leave soon it feels like we’re still in the middle of the storm, but I suppose it makes sense if he’s starting to stabilise.

Really appreciate the kind words, it’s so helpful to hear from people who’ve been through similar.

I really wouldn't take the children to a psychiatric unit. (I have a brother who's been sectioned several times and they're not suitable places for children.)

My dad has been sectioned and I found the unit to be really helpful at providing updates and the weekly meetings we had (via zoom) were great for detailed updates and the plan for the coming week. We were really well informed at all times

I don't have much experience of this but I just wanted to say it's ok to lower your horizons. Focus on getting through the next minute or the next half hour if you need to. You can shop for just today, or today and tomorrow. You don't have to plan a whole week's meals, you don't need to know what's happening next Thursday or rely to every Whatsapp. Food, sleep and get the kids to school. Anything else is a bonus.

I'm the other side as it's me with bipolar but my partner spoke about how there were a few times in my last episode where in a blink I became more unwell. It ended up in a voluntary admission.
I know personally I can tolerate quite a lot internally before it's visible externally. I've had professionals comment previously about how their first impressions were that I wasn't that unwell only to dig a bit deeper and realise I'm acutely unwell.

Hi OP. First of all a big handhold, I know this is tough. DH was sectioned two years ago and I found i really big and dramatic and really stressful. What I would say with hindsight is that it was the right thing for him at that time. In hospital he got 24 hour care to recover and then there was a very managed pathway to better care after he left. We had really struggled to get proper care before he was sectioned. Also after the first three weeks he was allowed visits out and to come home for periods. Firstly during the day and then overnight. It can and will get better, but I understand it feels really hard right now.

Former mental health support worker here and the first thing I want to say is that you must have had a real shock and I am not at all surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed and wondering what to do for your husband and your children.It is also really important to take care of yourself and I hope you have family and/or friends who can support you practically and emotionally. I have worked on acute wards and seen people who were really poorly recover and move on with their lives. My role was to support poeole transition from the ward back to their homes when they were discharged and I have seen many people respond well to treatment and be able to get well. As others have said, keep in touch with the hospital who will update you. Thinking of you x

I think I’m just overthinking everything right now. He was really not himself before he went in paranoid, angry, convinced I was against him and I suppose I’m scared he still feels that way. But maybe I’m worrying unnecessarily. I do want to see him, I’m just nervous about how he’ll react.

I’ve never been to a ward like this, so I have no idea what to expect. It’s reassuring to hear that it’s just a hospital ward at the end of the day, and that the staff will guide me. I think I’ll call first and then try to go in.

And yes, he was manic. I knew something wasn’t right, but it escalated so quickly. It’s good to hear that most people do get better right now it just feels like we’re in freefall, but I suppose the fact that he’s in hospital, getting treatment, is the first step. Knowing there’s a plan to build up to leave makes it feel a bit less overwhelming.

Really appreciate the handholds and advice. It’s helping me feel a little less lost in all this.

I’m so sorry, OP. It’s very stressful and overwhelming on loved ones too, I know the feeling.

Both my mum and my DP have been sectioned before for different reasons (with both culminating in psychosis) and it’s very scary. Try to focus on the fact he’s getting the help he needs and is being looked after.

While he’s there, also try to focus on self-care and your child. Kids pick up on everything and it can be very stressful on them too. My DD was in primary school during my mum’s first stint in the hospital and it was very difficult for her too.

Sorry to hear this, OP – that’s really tough. If it is of any comfort, DP’s mum is bipolar and was sectioned when he was 17. He’s now 42 and she has been stable ever since – some ups and downs but nothing serious. It won’t necessarily happen again.

I've been sectioned before. It feels scary not having control but it also is relieving to relinquish that and allow them to help.

I hope they can come up with a long term plan to stop him from reaching that level again. He is safe there. He's being monitored constantly so you can relax on that front. Though it's true it's not especially fun being in a psych ward.

If he's allowed visitors I hope you can bring him in some permitted home comforts?
If he's on section 2 they have to release him after 28 days as long as he's getting a bit better and accepting the treatment plan. They can also rescind the section at any time before the 28 days.

If he's getting worse they can move to section 3.

I hope things improve for him and you x

Hi, my ex was sectioned. He attempted suicide and once sectioned wouldn't see me but saw family members. I was just relieved that he was in a safe place. He came through it all OK.
Please try not to dwell on you not going to see him so far. It's not the easiest thing to face and the shock must have hit you as it happened so quick. I had no idea but just something clicked one day that something wasn't right when he didn't answer his phone all day etc. There's a bit more to it but too outing to say on here.
Please speak to one of your family or friends in rl. You will need their support and they will worry anyway but it gives them to focus to help you. Hopefully it won't happen again but at least you'll recognise the signs earlier next time. He's safe and you and the dcs are safe. He'll be well looked after.
Sending you a big hug.