DH sectioned - struggling to cope

[ResidentPike]

Hi all,

I don’t really know where to start. My DH has bipolar and has been struggling for a while, but things escalated massively last week, and he was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. I feel like I’m in shock. One minute he was home, not great but manageable, and the next he was in hospital, and I had MH professionals telling me he wasn’t safe. I knew he was unwell, but I still feel blindsided.

The DC are young (under 10), and I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible for them, but inside I feel like I’m crumbling. I swing between relief that he’s somewhere safe and being looked after, and absolute panic about what happens next. Will he get better? How long will this last? I’ve barely slept since it happened.

Has anyone else been through similar? How did you cope? I don’t want to offload too much onto family/friends, as they’re already worried. Just feeling very alone right now.

Any advice or hand-holding much appreciated.

Brother in law has been sectioned a few times when his bipolar goes out of control, each time they have got him right. It started when he was 21 and he is now 76.. DH is in a safe place under 24 hour care, just give them time to get him calmed down and stable, might need a tweek of medication. The medical teams could not have been more caring and helful but make sure you ask questions and have an input into his care plan. It will probably only a matter of time before he is right again but it wont be rushed. You will probably be thankful for the breathing space it gives you.

Thank you for sharing your experience it really helps to hear from someone who’s been through it. I can’t imagine how scary it must feel to lose that control, but it’s reassuring to know that there’s also relief in being looked after.

I really hope they come up with a long-term plan for him. That’s one of my biggest fears that this will just keep happening. I know he’s safe right now, but I just keep thinking about what comes next and how we stop it from getting to this point again.

I’ll check with the ward about bringing in some home comforts. I think he’d really appreciate that. I just want him to know I’m still here for him, even if he’s not feeling like himself right now.

Hoping for the best, and really grateful for all the support here. It’s making a tough time feel a little less isolating. x

My friend's son (mid 30s) has bi-polar and is sectioned every year. He refuses to take medicine and it's very cyclical and friend can see it coming on for weeks beforehand. Is this his first episode?
He is in the safest place, your job is looking after yourself and the dc right now

Op sending the biggest of hugs to you all x hopefully the mental health unit can get your dh on regular medication and get the bi polar under control. It may take some time though. Also once he's home will he need monitoring regarding the medication?? Went through similar with my sons father took him a couple of years to get sorted but he's okay now. Please contact me if you need to talk. X 🙏💐😔

Do rely on your family and friends. If they were going through a tough time, you would support them.

I have been the child in this situation. Firstly, I’d recommend a visit first to check suitability. I was able to visit my parent but they were well enough to go for walks in the grounds accompanied. I remember preferring that to the family room that I found quite upsetting as it was just a side room off the main ward. The men’s ward may well be more volatile than the women’s and not necessarily a great place for kids.

Be prepared for him to be extremely drugged up. I always found the first few weeks of a section my mum would be a bit of a zombie. I would also be prepared to resist discharge if you are in any way concerned by his progress and do not give any indication you are able to provide care when he’s out. We had a horrible phase where my mum was discharged too quickly and would end up back in within 3-4 months.

I would also strongly recommend telling the school and asking for support for the children. It is a very odd thing to go through and they will have a lot of mixed emotions that they may not want to share with you.

My dad was sectioned multiple times when I was in my teens. My memories of going to visit him in hospital are not great, and it was stressful not knowing what was happening but otherwise we just got used to it really. I would avoid taking the children to visit him unless you think it would definitely be a positive experience for him and ok for them. And don’t feel guilty about not visiting yet, he has loads of people looking after him. You and the kids will need a lot of help and support, maybe see if a good friend will come round with a bottle of wine after the kids are in bed. That’s what friends are for.

I couldn't read and run. I used to work in MH as a senior manager in a local Mind association (in fact, in several). Prognosis for bipolar is quite good, nowadays, and many people manage their illness really well. Mind has a nice information page where you can see people talking about their own experiences of living through this - it might help you as you sound as if you are quite scared of meeting other people with MH problems. That's very natural (and let me reassure you about violence - very very few people with MHP are a risk to others.)

Also if you are new to the whole MH world, it might help you to know how many really famous and high achieving people have been diagnosed with bipolar. I won't even tell you - have fun googling and goggling with amazement. Big hugs, and transmit some of those to DH too.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/

Yes, this is his first episode at this level. He’s struggled with his mental health before, but nothing like this. Looking back, I can see now that things were building up for weeks, but at the time, I kept second-guessing myself was he just stressed, was I overreacting? Now I know it wasn’t just in my head.

I really hope this doesn’t become a cycle for him. That’s one of my biggest fears that he’ll refuse treatment once he’s out and we’ll end up back here again. Right now, I’m just trying to focus on the fact that he’s safe and getting help.

You’re right I need to focus on the DC and looking after myself too. It’s hard, though, when my brain is constantly whirring about what happens next.

Love to you all. He's in the very best place for assesment, treatment and care.

Please do reach out to everyone - family, friends, manager if you have one, the school. The more everyone understands what's happening the more support you'll have. Does he have parents/ siblings? You have enough on your plate with the your own coping with what's happened and looking after DCs.

And take the expert professionals' advice - if they feel he's ok for a visit, especially given what you said about how he's been towards you, what things from home might help and so on.

Let the children know daddy's not very well, being looked after and they can't go and visit until he's feeling better.
Though on second thoughts I'm not sure that a psychiatric men's ward would be a good place for children.

When you visit they will bring home to a visitors' room to see you, you don't wander through the ward with everyone else. You can take things in but certain things are a risk and not allowed, you will have to show the ward staff or security. He or you can also ask for a tribunal if you feel that he shouldn't be there.

Oh this is so difficult I’m so sorry OP. I don’t have any useful advice but couldn’t run and read. Sending you love and best wishes for the road ahead.

I don't know if you already know this but as a visitor, there are certain things that you cannot take onto the ward. You can ask what these are next time you call. Don't be alarmed if he's in a bit of a slump when you visit, medication can do this for the first week of so. He will get better, you know. It takes time but it happens. You don't need to worry about him, the nurses will take good care of him.

Do you watch Eastenders at all? Thursday's episode was set in a psych ward and having been a patient myself, I thought it was the most accurate representation of a ward I've seen on tv.

I hope you have plenty of support in the meantime. May recovery be swift for DH.

If it helps think that what happens next is in the hands of the professionals for now. Just focus on you and the DC for a bit. It’s so hard I know.

This I'm afraid OP. My sister was sectioned numerous times and in my experience, different hospitals vary a lot. I've had some awful experiences as a visitor so I would really thoroughly check it out before considering taking your children. But soon, hopefully he may be able to take short or longer leave, you could perhaps take them to meet him somewhere off site.

Def speak to the staff to find out how he's feeling about a visit and talk to him on the phone first perhaps. Best of luck, it's really difficult for you, but the best place for him and hopefully things will improve soon as the meds kick in.

My Mum was sectioned, and the best advice I can give you is to please look after the children and yourself right now. He's getting all the care he needs, he's safe and this is time for you to have some respite. It's all been a horrid shock but you need to catch your sleep back up - it's not going to be easy when he comes home, so use this time wisely.

How did he go from being at home to being in hospital getting sectioned what happened in between x

A big hand hold OP, this is tough on you. 💐
My late mother had bipolar and my youngest brother has bipolar too - both have been sectioned several times over the years.
The medications take a while to begin working, but in the meantime call the hospital and have a chat to his nurse to find out when you can visit.
I would suggest not taking children to visit, as these hospitals are not really suitable environments for children.

Hi OP
Im sorry you’re having such a rough time. My husband was sectioned last year, our son was ten at the time. I was devastated but it did get easier. When you can, try and visit. The first time is hard and other visits will be too but I think you’ll find it easier seeing the reality of it rather than what you imagine. Have you let school know so your kids have support there too? It might also be worth getting in touch with your council so your kids get young carer support.
The wards don’t usually allow children on them but when your husband is well enough to have leave to a family room then that might be the time to take them but in the meantime they could send cards and pictures. Maybe take some photos in for him too?
Most of all take care of yourself xx

My relatives neighbour was sectioned several times he would come out immediately stop his medication and begin the behaviour again they split up in the end he genuinely did not see why he should take his medication he was "fine" without it apparently it was a rocky few years

OP know that you are not alone, it's a scary and overwhelming time for you but with rest and recuperation and the right medication, your DH will be well again. I've a family member with bipolar and they have been sectioned a couple of times. They've now been stable for many years with the right medication. Don't feel bad about leaning on family and friends - they will want to help and be a listening ear for you. If they can take the children out and bring you some meals, all the better. Please look after yourself 💐 ring the unit and talk to the staff about visiting/phone calls. They should be able to reassure you and give you an update on how your DH is doing. He's probably exhausted from a manic episode and needs a lot of rest.

Hi OP, daughter of manic-depressive / bipolar dad here. First episode I was aware of was when i was 13 and I’m now late 40s. As other posters have said, he is absolutely in the best place. Now is the time for you to gather your strength a little and focus on kids and self-care. But visit as soon as you can, without the kids. Mental health wards are not always great due to other patients. Even if you go and DH doesn't want to see you at that time, he’ll know you’ve been because staff will tell him. Once he is discharged, he should be assigned a community psychiatric nurse (CPN). I found CPNs to be invaluable support (I was next of kin for dad all my adult life). There is lots of support. I would research the illness too and any medication DH is prescribed. Knowing what you are dealing with empowers you. Please take comfort in family and friends. And remember, this illness is not a sign of weakness. My dad continued to be an amazing parent. Sending you big hugs. You are not alone.

My DH had a psychotic episode, police were called and he voluntarily agreed to go into mental health unit. I was told at the time if he hadn't he would have been sectioned, he ended up in there for 3 weeks. At the time my children were 10,12 and 14.
Please please tell friends and family as you will need support. It was an incredibly difficult time for my children, particulary my youngest who witnessed the worst of DH's psychosis as she was off sick from school that day and she was diagnosed with ptsd a couple of years later because of it.
I had a friend who took my youngest out with her daughter to give her some normality and I shall forever be grateful to her for that.

The unit did have a room away from the ward so the children could visit during the second week but it did not go well as they were wary and frightened of him although he had not done anything to them. I did not take them back after that visit.
I did visit on my own three times a week and he got visits from other family members.
My DH has not been the same since, more anxious, suspicious of people but he went back to work after two months and has had no more episodes and is no longer on medication.

Take care

I’ve been in a very similar situation. Get in touch with your local carers network as soon as possible. They were marvellous with me and have continued to support me through bumpy patches. It is a huge shock - I had PTSD from DH’s exploits as I had to physically stop him doing away with himself. Everyone will tell you to look after yourself but it’s not always easy to do in reality. Do what you can for yourself. DH wasn’t sectioned, they felt I could cope with him (with an 18 month old!) and looking back I really wish they had. It does get better - DH has never come close since. Hugs and handhold.

Thank you all so much for the advice and support it really does help.

I haven’t spoken to the school yet, but I think I’ll do that this week. The DC are young, so I don’t think they fully understand, but I want to make sure they have support if they need it. I hadn’t even thought about young carer support I’ll look into that too.

I’ll definitely check with the ward about what I can and can’t bring in. I want to take him some home comforts, but I don’t want to get it wrong. And I think you’re all right about visiting I need to see him for myself rather than letting my imagination run wild. I’ll call first to see how he’s feeling about a visit and maybe try speaking to him on the phone if he’s up for it.

For those who asked how it happened things had been getting worse for weeks, but it really escalated over a couple of days. He became paranoid, wasn’t sleeping at all, and was having big mood swings. Then he had what I can only describe as a total break became completely irrational, wouldn’t let me or anyone else help, and I had to call crisis services. They assessed him and made the decision to section him. It all felt so fast and surreal.

I really appreciate all the kind words and reassurance. It’s so hard seeing him like this, but knowing he’s safe and that things can improve is keeping me going. xx