Abuse claims and rape culture identified at 1,600 primary schools

[Diabladingo]

Posting in AIBU for traffic. I just think that all parents should know about this:

https://www.thetimes.com/article/602e2322-5012-4efc-b961-a501ae2faf8f?shareToken=6c9795cf780b8ee57ef55102b54f2b88

This also happened in my child's year 6 class recently. The boy had no repercussion whatsoever, he was talked to by the headteacher, that's all. The boy who really looks 13 grabbed a girl under her skirt and she wasn't wearing tights. She was so upset.

To make things worse, I mentioned this to another mum with a son in the same class. She said, boys will be boys, they're just children messing around, the girls was being dramatic.

She is such an apologist and saw NOTHING wrong with it. Ironically she also has a daughter in year 4 and we all know that her big brother beats her up to the point she has bruises. This is a naice, lefty middle class mum in a naice leafy school with lovely job. Did I mention that this mum is a proud feminist? Sick.

It seems that something important is being left out of this reporting, which is the sex of the children who are doing this. Because if you’re not prepared to clearly outline the problem then you aren’t really interested in finding a solution.

I've always believed the doctors and nurses game was a myth invented by abusers. It's not a natural game or experience a child would have as a norm.

Not at all. Curiosity about each other is natural. The doctors and nurses game is abusive when it is not consensual, when it is one-directional, and when it is played by children of very different ages. And possibly when it is played by children older than 6 or 7. By that age you would expect children to have some understanding of the differences and not need to explore them, and also of social behaviour and that it is inappropriate to explore others' genitals. Not having that understanding raises red flags.

Terrifying

Yes it's being dealt with by the school and family and authorities

Unbelievable isn't it? What is that woman thinking?

Our safeguarding legislation and the safeguarding policies in schools means many of these incidents should be referred to the safeguarding lead at school and action taken.

The primary aged boys are being abused themselves and no school should sit on their hands over this. Yes. It’s hard for schools but they have a duty to report such incidents as laid out in the safeguarding policies. Any parent whose dc is the victim should expect it to be taken seriously. Parents can report incidents to Ofsted where safeguarding legislation has not been followed. However most parents won’t know how the perpetrator is being dealt with, but they should be reassured the school is being proactive.

Parents are the cause of this. Not children.

@SallySand “The girls were being dramatic” - this is heartbreaking, and part of the core of the issue. Poor children, with a mum who says that.

When parents are saying the school does nothing, it is more complicated than that. It would be a huge safeguarding red flag, as there would be concerns about SA at home for the child in question. Therefore it would have to be handled very delicately and in confidence.
I do appreciate that it is very unfair to the victim and their parents not to get closure, but often the other child (note that I am not saying abuser) is a victim too.

A boy in my DS's year 5 class sexuallly assaulted DS's female friend at school. The boy's parents went on the class WhatsApp and complained the boy was being bullied by the school.

One of the girls in DSs class stood up in their year 6 leavers assembly, when they were all saying what they wanted to do when they were grown up, and announced her ambition was to be the manager of a Victoria's Secret shop. She was 10. As far as I know, I was the only one of the approximately 50 adults in the audience who raised it as a concern.

Last week my hairdresser told me she was taking her 10 year old to see Sabrina Carpenter for her birthday present - Sabrina Carpenter's stage act is not suitable for 10 year olds.

The pornification of our culture is normalising sex and sexual violence to children. When I was a kid we all sneered at Mary Whitehouse as an embarrassing prude - not sure I'd sneer at her now.

Parents definitely need to take more responsibility. Giving kids smartphones with access to the internet and not doing enough to block inappropriate websites or check what their kids are looking at online.

Not just the rise in violent pornography but the dramatic increase in the number of girls and women using onlyfans or other apps to sell 'sex' online. Must be confusing for young boys growing up surrounded by so many girls flogging themselves online and posting inappropriate photos all the time.

There has been a similar incident at my children’s school. Parents called in for a boy lifting girls’ skirts and pulling their pants down and trying to ‘strangle’ girls!

And then DD (they are also year 2) came home crying because he had held her by the neck, pushed her on her knees and tried to sit on her back in the playground and SHE got told off for it. We went in to school the next day (red mist) and he apparently thought she was a warrior princess he has to capture, it’s part of a (computer) game he plays. So this kid is clearly already playing games at home that are inappropriate for his age. The thing that upset DD most was being humiliated by the teacher shouting at her to get up off the floor when she has never been told off at school before. She was shaking when she told me as she thought she was going to be in trouble!

They were very apologetic; she is a very quiet and shy child who has taken literal years to come in to her own at school, so they acknowledged how an incident like this could set her back, and nothing else has happened since with my DD but the incident made me realise how young these boys can be when it starts.

Fucking hell. What kind of loser parents look after that perpetrator boy.
Your poor poor dd. If this boys stays around id consider moving her. I am incensed for you and your dd.

Yes it's so confusing for the poor boys being forced to look at inappropriate pictures of girls.

flogging themselves

and here we have one of those mums

I remember reading an interview with Russel Brand where he talked about staying with his dad. His dad had a big porn collection and Brand used to watch the films which of course is child sexual abuse.

Now primary school children are addicted to porn and no one is being held accountable. Little boys are using misogynist dehumanising language and trying to sexually assault little girls and no one is being held to account.

Parents need to step up.

@user1471516498
I do think the parents of the girls expect exclusion and vilification of the child concerned. It’s rarely that simple and agree that child is probably being abused too.

@Nameychangington. I think it’s widely acknowledged that smart phones and boy culture has been driven by unacceptable people. The job of a parent is to steer dc away but some parents don’t have boundaries themselves or don’t believe dc are looking at inappropriate images because dc are bright enough to hide it. Therefore society needs to get a much tighter grip on what’s available to dc.

Em, sorry to burst your bubble but ime as a social worker in a very affluent area - sexual harm amongst peers in independent schools is rife. It is more boy on boy though which is interesting too.

vilification? here we go with the poor boyz bullshit again. it's so ingrained, women don't notice upholding a horrible sexist culture. but of course parents of victims are too dumb and over sensitive caring about the safety of their girls. the year 6 boy in our school who sexually assaulted a year 6 girl looks 13, i know his parents, they are full of themselves, drive inconsiderately and have an air of being better than everyone. i highly doubt that their darling boy is being abused at home. he is the abuser though.

drive inconsiderately with their flashy car - to the point of arrogantly endangering the school community. they act as if they're untouchable and they seem to be.

It absolutely is happening in private schools. Including the one my teens go to. However, they have been really good at tackling it. In one case, they informed police and excluded the boy. They have had assemblies (separate from boys & girls), workshops and a school counsellor. A zero tolerance approach, but with support in place.

I hope this reported to SS and not swept under the carpet.

This is absolutely horrifying. Last year a number of year 5 and 6 children at DDs school were added to a Whatsapp group that contained porn. Once you give a child unlimited access to the Internet you have lost them. A number of kids in DDs year 3 class have phones with access to tik toc and you tube that their parents will check retrospectively. I won't give DD a phone even though she has asked numerous times, I'm not even sure why a 7/8 year old would need one. I think smart phones should be banned for under 16s, I don't know why we are afraid to act on this.