Family not making an effort

[MomofAA]

My partners family made the effort to want to see our baby when we first brought him home. Wanting pictures and cuddles.
Now he’s 10 weeks old, no one has messaged to ask how he is or if they can see him/us.
They are posting on social media with other family members, days out etc.
Feel as if the novelty of a newborn in the family has wore off.

AIBU for wanting to stop being available for them when they do finally get in touch?

Yep. The message they have probably had from OP is "come and fawn over me and baby" but "don't expect to hold, touch or have a cuddle". Frankly I can understand why they have kept their distance. It's supposed to be a new member of their family, so of course they would have some level of expectation around holding said grandchild/nephew/whatever.

But I also agree with the babies are boring to most people.

If you don't usually see then that often then maybe they don't think they need to be seeing you more simply because you have a baby.
Maybe they don't want to intrude on your time with the baby.
I would send a general message to them saying that you are happy for visitors or would enjoy taking baby out for walks in the pram if they want to join you some time.

by asking if I should stop being so available to people who don’t make an effort when I’ve tried with them for months?

You don't exactly describe them in flattering terms.
Not judging you, there are plenty of people in my family I don't like

Kettle, black, pot, calling, the.
Rearrange these words into a well-known phrase...

It's butt in...

I’m defending myself again those that want to attack me as a person instead of being generic with their responses. I didn’t ask for people to comment on my character.

To answer the question you actually asked OP, I think it would be very petty to stop them seeing you when they ask to just because they haven’t been round every week, because you’ve never had that kind of close relationship with them to expect that.

I always think to myself when making decisions like these, “can I justify this to my child one day”, because if you deny contact then one day you’re going to be asked why they never see granny/grandad. If I was you I wouldn’t want to have to tell my child that you stopped contact because they didn’t make as much effort as you wanted them to after you had explicitly told them not to expect to hold the baby, and after not being particularly close pre-baby.

If they were a risk of harm or abuse, absolutely, but you’d be being very petty.

Wow, some of you like to bully!

No one knows who I am, no one knows the family I am referring to, no dynamic has been shared yet I’m being called childish, silly and thin skinned. For what?
Responding to people who think they know it all. I’m getting responses from people who aren’t being generic they seem to just like to find a problem in anything. I’m trying to see if I’m being reasonable or not. Giving a response without name calling or insults would’ve been the mature approach but guess I should’ve added a disclaimer that I’m an immature post-natal hormones riddles mother who has asked for people to attack me as a person instead.

Tell me you have perfect relationships with every family member you have? Never had a disagreement?

Why do you expect me to be polite when I’m getting responses that are uncalled for?

Typical, only woman to ever have a child....

Thank you for this. a generic response I was looking for.

to give additional context I want the biggest happiest family for my baby and I would never cut contact out of pettiness, all we ever want to do is protect our kids and yes there are family members that will be kept at a distance for very reasonable reasons. But there are also family members that can’t see these safeguarding issues and it is difficult to navigate communication.

Nobody's 'bullying' you. You've described yourself a previously difficult relationship with these ILs, so it's far from clear why you want them to come and see you and why you imagine that having a baby would have solved the relationship's former problems. Or indeed why you see texting or phoning as involving so much 'effort'.

Yes because I would post on ‘mums net’ full of moms to expect to be the only woman with a child! Make it make sense

Having been in a similar situation with a new baby in the family (not my baby) I would invite them. We did exactly the same when new baby arrived. However, we felt we were in the way. Almost as if the thought was “what are you doing here”. We always offered to make a cup of tea etc but that was declined, so we never got one either.
it was all rather awkward so I’m afraid we backed off. Now she’s 11 months old and we’ve still never been invited.

Sadly we rarely get the family we hope for, we have to make do with what we get . These people are not who you wnat them to be and the sooner you accept that and make a happy life for your new little family the better.

If it’s far from clear - ask for more details that could help one give a helpful response instead of calling me names and knocking me down when he just asked a question

I think part of being a parent, or maybe just about being an adult in general, is about realising and accepting that what you want for your family might just not be possible, and that by expecting other people to conform to the perfect picture life that you want is only going to lead to disappointment.

I’ve been in this boat with PIL, I’d LOVE for my daughter to have grandparents on both sides who actively want to spend time with her & love her, I’d love for my husband & I to both have parents who we can spend time with, go on trips with, have days out or invite round for dinner etc, I’d love that. The reality is though my PIL are not those people, they never have been, they are never going to be, so I could spend the rest of my life disappointed about the fact that they don’t meet my “dream” standards, or I can accept them for what they are and just be grateful that my own parents are amazing, my siblings are amazing and my baby is surrounded by people who love & want to be around her x

You are controlling.

Perhaps if you could be less judging more kinder relaxed and friendly they would like your company.

That’s being hypocritical- you’re judging me, when you don’t know me?

Because it looks as if it's far from clear inside your head. Basically, you'd like your ILs to be entirely different people, and to have an entirely different, easier relationship with them. But you've got who you've got.

From your posts I can read you.

But perhaps your posts indicate character and may explain your aibu dilemma