It’s goodbye from me

[solongandthxforthefish]

I’ve been on mumsnet since the early days, it’s seen my family grow up and become adults, seen me become a grandparent.

its been a happy place, a supportive place through thick and thin and I’ve made lots of contacts who I will miss.

the supportive threads are being lost amongst ones of hatred and intolerance for difference, for the others and by threads about high incomes not being enough, of how disabled people are increasingly hated, how children with SEND are an inconvenience. Boomers, of which I am not one, are hated.

is there anybody mumsnet members actually like?

im taking a break, however long is needed until the hatred is less.

Nope, that’s not how ableism works as a system of oppression. I specifically don’t think PP is “lying”. You are greatly mistaken in your interpretation of my views and motives.

It’s very odd to me that being an outspoken autistic woman with 30+ years of lived experience as a disabled person in the UK, and sharing how that affects me, has got me labelled as a troll by some PP just because I refuse to buckle down and conform to the required narrative. It says so much about the so called disability “community” and how toxic it is.

I’m not wrong, and everyone who knows about disability and ableism agrees with me on this.

No, they don't @verysmellyjelly. You are wrong about that. And that's OK, we're all wrong about stuff. Particularly stuff we know nothing about.

Like strangers on the internet who have disabilities, medical histories and a past we know fuck all about.

Whatever you say! I prefer to trust people in the world of disability and disability studies, vs randoms on MN who are factually incorrect in everything they claim.

You have been arguing the toss with nearly everything I've said about how my disability affects me. Now you believe you have the right to criticise how others manage their disabilities with impunity.

I appreciate that you may not believe you've been ableist - perhaps you don't see yourself in those terms. But you have attacked me today purely based on your preconceptions of disabled people and you obviously believe you're the 'better' disabled person.

At this point, I feel a bit sorry for you because carrying around all this spite can't be easy.

Thanks to everyone who has been kind and supportive x

Examples of Ableism:
Physical Barriers: Designing buildings without ramps or lifts for wheelchair users.
Lack of Accessibility: Failing to make information available in accessible formats like Braille or British Sign Language (BSL).
Ableist Language: Using phrases like "cripplingly" or "wheelchair-bound".
Unjust Assumptions: Making assumptions about a person's abilities or limitations based on their disability.

The fourth point is exactly what you’ve done @verysmellyjelly

Genuinely, you are wrong about this as I don’t believe I’m the “better” disabled person. I think it sounds like I have a lot more help than you and in that respect am lucky. I also think the state should be giving you much more help than you are getting. The vast majority of what you and others have claimed I think about you (eg that you’re lazy or stupid) just isn’t true. The only thing I actually take issue with is your posting style in this thread, and following on from that, the way you’ve participated in attacking me for challenging that posting style.

Fair enough, we are not going to agree on this, but I do not think I am better than you. I depend 100% on my spouse and carers, and without them I would be fucked. I’m well aware of that and not in any place to judge others. We can disagree and even dislike each other strongly, but I don’t really consider myself a “better” person. That’s not how my mind works.

They aren’t, it’s rising but that is due to more claims, that’s the whole point.

At the far end, it’s just not worth working when you get the same or better funds than a minimum wage job without having to work. I get that, its a no brainier to some, it’s obvious that if it is allowed it will follow that it will happen.

I’m not going to waste much more time on this with you. No matter how many more times you go on insisting that I Was Ableist, I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make it true! This is actually a fantastic example because it also wouldn’t be ableist if I said “cripplingly”, lol.

No, it's entirely relevant to how ableism works. Ableism is the belief disabled people are inferior. As a disabled person, you may not actually hold that belief, but you are certainly capable of behaving in accordance with it. One way of doing that is to apply stereotypes to disabled people. Which you have done on this thread. You came at the poster with preconceived stereotypical ideas which are ofyen manifestations of ableism, that she is self pitying, sympathy seeking, didn't understand her own condition and needs. You have then spent a lot if time trying to prove your prejudice is correct. You may not be 'an ableist' but you have behaved in an extremely ableist manner.

Yes, it’s so deeply morally wrong of me to comment based on someone’s own description of their ability, relative to my own.

I wouldn't say it's morally wrong, just wrong. You don't know what anyone else is experiencing. You don't know how it impacts their lives. You don't know what support they have.

But you know they're lying, self pitying and less disabled than you?

No you don't. And let's face it, we're all randomers on the internet. You could be a 24yo millionaire gymnast for all we know.😂

Literally nothing I’ve posted says or implies that disabled people are inferior. You and others simply cannot tolerate any divergence of opinion from your own, or any criticism of someone who has identified themselves as disabled (unless that person is me, lmao). This entire argument of yours relies on a failure to understand what ableism actually is: it’s not just “the belief disabled people are inferior”. I mean, get that right for a start.

Again, this weird claim that I said PP was lying when I have actually said multiple times that I think lying is not the correct term.

It must be so fun for you to keep twisting my words! I wonder what you’re getting out of it! /s

@TooBigForMyBoots Also, lol at how you ignored my example of a direct comparison of specific abilities. Because that never matters! It could never be real! It’s all just relative and pretend! And in my head! /s

I am not disagreeing with you. I'm telling you the facts of which only I am privy. You don't agree I'm taking strong painkillers for example. You don't even know what painkillers they are. And since they're classified as controlled substances which you could be arrested for possession of without a prescription, they do qualify as being strong.

I don't have any dislike towards you. I don't appreciate what you've said today, but I don't know what has happened to you to make you so contrary on this subject so I won't judge you for it. It's ok to be wrong without automatically being a horrible person.

If you weren't implying @ThePurpleBuffalo was lying here, what were you communicating in this post @verysmellyjelly?

I am only clarifying because you and others are so wildly off the mark in your assumptions about what I think! For example, repeated claims that I must believe you are stupid, lazy, etc. You yourself just claimed I think I am “better” than you. My response was simply to clarify what I actually think, which is that, yes, I disagree strongly with most of what you’ve posted in this thread, but I don’t think in those terms and don’t in any way regard myself as “better”. That’s not how my mind works, to the extent that I was sincerely surprised to see that accusation.

I’m not arguing with you about the specifics of your prescriptions. Honestly I think you have misunderstood what I’m taking issue with in commenting on that whole line of discussion, but it’s not really worth going over again.

General distaste for her communication style.

You have argued at length with me about my prescriptions!

I appreciate that it's important to you to see yourself in particular terms, but that was totally uncalled for.

I'm happy to drop the matter if you are though. I don't think either of needs to be expending extra energy on this. I genuinely hope you are doing well in your general life.

@ThePurpleBuffalo I certainly wish you the best too! Ultimately any disagreement on MN is trivial compared to the difficulty of living day to day with a disability. And as I said, I think the state is the one at fault for your struggles, not you. I’m sorry you’re not getting more help.

Sure.

Thank you for saying that.

I think the secret is to avoid the threads you aim for that have a title that makes you have an extreme reaction towards for a while. So head for the animal stuff, style and beauty, property, pedants etc etc

Well, this thread has taken quite the turn.... 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I noticed earlier on that a few posters were starting to make things a tad unpleasant so I took my own advice and headed off for calmer corners on MN.

Just thought I'd poke my head back in to see how things were going and I can see it's been quite the wild ride, beautifully proving OP's point... 😳😂