It’s goodbye from me

[solongandthxforthefish]

I’ve been on mumsnet since the early days, it’s seen my family grow up and become adults, seen me become a grandparent.

its been a happy place, a supportive place through thick and thin and I’ve made lots of contacts who I will miss.

the supportive threads are being lost amongst ones of hatred and intolerance for difference, for the others and by threads about high incomes not being enough, of how disabled people are increasingly hated, how children with SEND are an inconvenience. Boomers, of which I am not one, are hated.

is there anybody mumsnet members actually like?

im taking a break, however long is needed until the hatred is less.

Oh, am I not being productive enough for you? Sorry Codelive. Must try harder.

It was a genuine question

what do you do all day?

Manage symptoms. Rest in between. A lot of my symptoms are gross and not fun to describe.

I actually don’t even post on MN every day!

So what else do you do?

It sounds like an utterly soul destroying disability you have

It's not a competition.

Have you had this since a child?

It is pretty soul destroying. I have had it since childhood (first symptoms observed as a toddler) but it’s got worse over the years.

So never worked? Travelled? Do you have a partner?

@ThePurpleBuffalo I’m sorry for coming off as competitive, that wasn’t my intention. I just meant it’s not possible for me to be ableist to you.

There are a lot of nasty people on here but they don’t bother me.

I had a thread on here a while ago and someone picked me up on a spelling. They didn’t stress me out, or make me feel bad about myself as they intended. I just pitied them.

I mean, what kind of person must you be if you lurk on an anonymous website pulling people up on a grammar error, or being nasty and kicking someone when down.

I’ll tell you what kind of a person that is. It’s a sad, bitter f*cker, unhappy with their life. They don’t know joy. I feel pity for them.

I on the other hand am happy with my lot. I don’t need to take it out on other women to make myself feel better.

It would be better for MN if we kept people like you OP. Those with experience and wisdom to payback to the younger lot, the support we got from this great website.

I’m married. Have travelled a bit (with lots of medical equipment, aids, special planning etc) in younger years. Worked a little in limited roles that were suitable for me but never really a “normal” job. I loved working, though. I’m always on the look out for anything I could do to earn again. It’s depressing not to work. I can’t give details about the work I did as it’s very identifying.

And now you post the hateful responses instead.

Just as you disagree with @ThePurpleBuffalo's description of her condition and imply that she is lying and Oh So Terribly Self Pitying...?

Can you see it now?

It is and you have been.

I see you also don’t understand ableism.

Are you creative? Is there anything you could do for yourself? Like art or crafting or writing? Start out slow and maybe it’ll turn to something. If not, it’s something to do that will give you the same feeling as working. I have very severe ADHD and working is a complicated thing but I find being in a creative job has given me something special.

Obviously it is, because you've been telling me, based on a handful of vague posts, about I am not trying hard enough to conquer my disability and get on with things. When actually that's not the case - I'm very pragmatic and good at solving problems.

You've also accused me of wallowing in self pity over my illness and trying to recruit others for that purpose, which isn't true. I spend very little time feeling sorry for myself. It won't solve anything trying to make myself feel depressed over something I can't change.

Will I pipe up about the reality of being disabled - yes. I don't care who wants to be dismissive about it. These are the facts of the situation.

Well I used to "lurk " here for a few years .I joined up around 2020 ,havent looked back! Supportive ,informative and interesting information.Got me through Lockdowns.I havent found anywhere like it .Like a chat over he garden wall with about 16 million neighbours

I’m being so nosy! So ignore me if you wish

but how did you meet and date your husband given what you describe?

I am and have been very irritated by your posts, that’s true. But that isn’t the same as being ableist. Not every disagreement with a disabled person constitutes ableism, and it’s silly to suggest that. How could I be targeting you because of your disability when I’m even more disabled and unwell than you? I’m sure you see that as competing, but I have to say it to explain why it isn’t ableism. People who are more disabled cannot be ableist towards those who are more functional. Ableism has a very specific and particular meaning and this isn’t it.

I can’t share the details of that, I’m afraid, as also very unusual! We have been together for about ten years, though. I don’t mind questions, it doesn’t offend me.

I love creative things! I find that my illness tends to disrupt me and push me off track, but you’re right, this is truly the best advice, thank you. Any time I am able to do something creative or artistic it’s very fulfilling. I hope this is possible for others too.

Nonsense. Having a characteristic yourself (in this case disability) doesn't preclude you from displaying 'ist' attitudes towards others with that characteristic. If i said to my female boss "You shouldn't be a manager because men are smarter and more capable than women," do you think I wouldn't be being sexist about women just because im also one?

I can’t think why they didn’t want you in their group 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙄🙄