Teachers who have watched 'Adolescence'- what are your thoughts?

[Fstt1978]

Had an interesting experience this week after watching this at the weekend

sanctioned 4 boys this week with a demerit each - for pushing and shoving in the corridor- swearing loudly and generally being gobby to me.
All 4 boys parents have written emails to say it's unfair/ I'm picking on them etc etc. As it was 4 of them- none of them can be singled out.
We also have a boy caught on CCTV physically assaulting a much younger student unprovoked - it is categorically an assault- with the victims parents pressing charges. He has been permanently excluded and his parents have instructed a solicitor to contest this.

What is going on with parenting boys? Girls sanctioned rarely have parents like this - this is NOT a goady thread- I am genuinely really interested , and open to discussion about it

Prepare yourself. It's brilliant but not exactly enjoyable. It will leave any parent of a teenager with a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach and a feeling of 'there for the grace of god could go any of us, no matter how hard we try we are up against things we don't understand'. It's terrifying and utterly depressing.

They can 'insist' all they want. If they don't like it they can home school the toe rags themselves.

I think some people who have children in private school like to ignore the negative information about private school experiences because they need to justify sending their kids there - I’m not saying state schools are okay, they also have a lot of problems, but to say that private schooling is automatically the answer is really worrying! We have different types of schooling - private, state, home etc - that all have different problems that need addressing alongside our societal problems with raising children.

It really shocked me that, where I live, boys seem to be given pretty much total freedom by 13/14. I was still limiting phone and gaming time at that age and needed to know where they were and who with but I was pretty much alone in that.
It also struck me that ( according to the kids so it may be crap!) none of their friends were expected to lift a finger at home. My 17 year old said most of his friends eat in their rooms not with their families. They all see to be getting bought cars now and few have jobs.
So there’s a sense of entitlement I think where everything is just handed to them and they have no responsibility. My God it’s been hard to stand my ground but both are now making comments about how they are glad I didn’t back down-I expect help round the house, for them to work for money to buy bit items and to sit down for family meals.
I’m in no way the perfect mother (too sweary) but my intense belief in young men taking responsibility for themselves kept me going!

Please tell us where you are in the country so we can all try and get jobs there!! It was very very accurate

DD has previously been sanctioned unfairly (the school confirmed that it had been a misunderstanding / error) but I was careful not to contact the school until after the punishment was completed. Sometimes life is unfair - I think it's good that kids learn that, within reason (obviously). I have never contacted the school when she has been in trouble for something she has actually done. As other posters have said, actions have consequences. This is a genuine question - if parents contact the school every time their child is sanctioned, how does that set the child up for working life? Is Mum also going to call the boss when things go wrong at work?

The thing that struck me about Adolescence was that the boy was from a normal family, with normal parent, who let him have a normal amount of time online. They could not have foreseen what he was looking at on the internet.

I've seen a massive decline in parenting in the last 20 years and an increase in entitlement and lack of boundaries.

That's got far more to do with it than Adolescence.

That’s the nature of the beast, I’m afraid. Teachers have to be spinning 100 plates at all times, and when a school has 1000+ pupils entering its doors every day, there isn’t time to negotiate rules with that many pupils in a nuanced way. The rules aren’t made to be vindictive—they’re there for an efficient, safe environment.

What I find sad is that we are calling the lad a “normal boy from a normal family” but he was hanging round the streets late at night at 14 and the mum admits he was in his room alone watching a screen at 1am. This shouldn’t be “normal”.

I’m a teacher and that school is exactly like my last place!

The only counterpoint I would make to this is that the 89% would include people like my son, who watched one video out of curiosity and thought that Tate was obnoxious, as well as boys who watch regularly.

@T34ch3r well fortunately I don't manage people any more but DP employs a number of 16 - 25 year olds and the answer is yes, their parents absolutely do call him to complain about shifts, appraisals, sickness absences etc. it's actually mad - I cannot imagine my mum calling my boss for me at that age, I'd have died of embarrassment.

I think part of the complaining from parents is that school/teachers have such a bad rep from when we were at school, and I remember teachers being bullies and very unfair at times. People feel like they need to advocate for their children but obviously not accepting their wrong doings isn’t helpful.

It’s a societal problem schools end up bearing the brunt of it. Not a problem you can buy your way out of either before private school
parents get too complacent.

That said Dd 16 said her school is nothing like that (state all girl comp).

I used to work with a range of people and we had 18 - 20 year olds whose parents would call up asking about rotas, asking for more shifts, saying they were sick etc. They all got refused; you don’t work here, you get no info and if your child doesn’t call (providing they have the ability to hold a phone and talk) then their absence isn’t registered as sickness. This was ten years ago though, so not strictly a modern phenomenon!

i supply in many secondary schools are lots are as bad if not worse than the one depicted. They are better in wealthier areas. Hence why both of mine go private - it’s a world away from schools like that.

Yes I think this could be part of it. I’ll admit I had a horrible time at school with the teachers and my immediate reaction is to get defensive when dealing with the school and my child’s behaviour. I do feel sorry for the teachers though, I don’t think it’s the same as it was 20 years ago.

The thing that struck me about Adolescence was that the boy was from a normal family, with normal parent, who let him have a normal amount of time online. They could not have foreseen what he was looking at on the internet.

Yes, I think it was the fact that it was a normal family that was so worrying. The parents thought they were doing a decent job of raising the kids. One bit that stood out to me was when the mum said she thought Jamie was safe in his room, on his computer. When actually that was the least safe place for him to be.

I thought episode 3 was the most disturbing. When the psychologist was assessing him.

I asked my teens. They are 17 and 18 and neither of them have heard of them had heard of most of the stuff in it like the emojis and the uncle stuff.

Another one who has their head in the sand over private schools.

I can see you might be part of the problem the OP outlines.

i really want to watch this! Hopefully have some time this weekend.

Someone mentioned ‘manosphere’ .. does it touch on ‘red pill’ Andrew Tate incel type stuff?

Someone I worked with until recently (20’s) brought her parent to work and they threatened the manager because she got told off a few times due to her terrible attitude and 2 hour lunch breaks.

Alot of what I saw I recognised from when I was in a state secondary school in the UK over 20 years - kids throwing lit fireworks at each other at break time, fights breaking out, disruptive kids that were constantly disruptive in every lesson to the detriment of others, teachers crying because they couldn't cope, spitting at teachers, locking teachers out of classrooms. Thankfully back then phones only came on the scene from the age of 14,15, and there was MSN messenger. That really changed things, for the worse. I can't imagine the pressure kids must feel today with social media, its bad enough being an adult. I know first of an 18yo who committed suicide a few years ago over something his friends posted about him on social media. It was heart breaking.

I'm overseas in Switzerland and my son attends primary in a large private school - from 3 up to 17. There is a blanket ban on all phones. Teachers are not to be seen with them either. I think schools need to take action. I don't see any signs or hear of any bad behaviour in the primary section and I think that's down to alot of factors; parents that can be bothered, school having zero tolerance for bad behaviour and resources to deal with it, teachers all seem really happy - been there 20+ years, great, positive atmosphere, on site psychologist for the kids and great pastoral care, half day on Wednesday with big focus on sports/exercise for kids in afternoon, lots of outside space - forest, sports halls, football pitch. Culturally there is a big focus on being outside, exercise and burning off energy which I think is very important for boys.

Yes

@fluorescenttricenarian Yes, it does go into that stuff.