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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want OH’s friends at christening?

68 replies

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:07

I really want to get out child christened and OH has left me to plan it and get on with it.

One issue is that I don’t want OH to invite certain friends.
They are rude to me, make their dislike for me very obvious and in the past have slagged me of to OH so I don’t want them invited.

I don’t even know why they have such a dislike for me, I have only met one couple two times and I was very polite and nice to them.

One friend I have met twice and again I was nothing but nice when he came round to do a paid job (he wanted to do it for free but I insisted on paying him).
He kept making subtle digs at me.

It’s only 2 couples.
They regularly meet up, go for dinners, holiday together, at each others houses etc.
They invite OH but I am not invited.
My partner and the guys were friends first and then the OH’s became friends.

We all have young babies snd OH wants our kids to all play and be like cousins but I don’t think that’s appropriate given how much they dislike me.

The only reason I can think they are like this is when OH started talking our business one time years ago when we had some problems.

OH tells me their business all the time but I don’t hold it against them but for some reason our arguments have been held against me when they don’t even know me.

AIBU?

OP posts:

fruitbrewhaha · 19/03/2025 13:09

So you think your DH may have talked to them about something you did? What was it?

What were the dogs the friend was making when working at your house?

Have you asked your DH?

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/03/2025 13:12

Your partner needs to tell them that how they treat you is unacceptable.

Original poster

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:14

I didn’t do anything we were just arguing and going through a bad patch.

OH has a big mouth and is forever talking ours/ everyone’s else’s business.

When the friend come round he kept saying “You have taken my best friend away from me”.

”Stop keep wanting him to help you look after the kids, my mrs does it all with her eyes closed”.

”He says your stopping him from from doing ZYZ”
The reality is OH just doesn’t want to do ZYZ and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

What I find so bizarre is that OH doesn’t class him as his best friend and I was with OH way before this friend came on the scene.

OH just brushes it of and says nothing.

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 19/03/2025 13:15

Honestly I think it depends what has been said. When my friends slag their partners off to me, or tell me how their partner has upset/hurt them, it does put me off their partner- why would I want to spend time with someone who is hurting & upsetting my friend? I wouldn’t be nasty to them but I certainly wouldn’t invite them into my home or to my occasions because as far as I know they make their partner- my friend- miserable.

SapphireOpal · 19/03/2025 13:17

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:14

I didn’t do anything we were just arguing and going through a bad patch.

OH has a big mouth and is forever talking ours/ everyone’s else’s business.

When the friend come round he kept saying “You have taken my best friend away from me”.

”Stop keep wanting him to help you look after the kids, my mrs does it all with her eyes closed”.

”He says your stopping him from from doing ZYZ”
The reality is OH just doesn’t want to do ZYZ and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

What I find so bizarre is that OH doesn’t class him as his best friend and I was with OH way before this friend came on the scene.

OH just brushes it of and says nothing.

I'm sorry, this bloke said all this to you in your own house and your DP didn't tell him to fuck off?

You have a massive DP problem.

Original poster

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:18

It was just general stuff that’s been said like we are arguing loads and in a bad place.

Having said that partner of the friend that came round cut up all his clothes and the he asked to stay with us and is really making the friend who came round to do the job miserable but OH doesn’t hold it against his partner.

OP posts:

purplecorkheart · 19/03/2025 13:21

Your DP is more of a problem here than the friends but to be honest they all sound awful.

VoyageVoyager · 19/03/2025 13:21

SapphireOpal · 19/03/2025 13:17

I'm sorry, this bloke said all this to you in your own house and your DP didn't tell him to fuck off?

You have a massive DP problem.

Show quote history

Yes, the friends are not the primary issue here. Also, if your friends are sexist louts who think babies are some kind of women-only issue, then ten to one, your DH is also a sexist lout.

Autumn38 · 19/03/2025 13:22

Mrsttcno1 · 19/03/2025 13:15

But if you couldn’t be civil to the partner you’d not expect to be hosted by them, right? So OP’s problem is solved- she doesn’t have to invite them to the christening.

DenholmElliot11 · 19/03/2025 13:23

You've got a DP problem.

How fucking disloyal to slag your wife off to your mates. Who does that?

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 13:25

Your OH is the problem
He slags you off to his mates, blames you because he is too weak to say no to them and then won't defend you when they are nasty about you
Hes a bit of a cunt to be frank

Mrsttcno1 · 19/03/2025 13:29

Autumn38 · 19/03/2025 13:22

But if you couldn’t be civil to the partner you’d not expect to be hosted by them, right? So OP’s problem is solved- she doesn’t have to invite them to the christening.

Show quote history

Except it’s not JUST OP “hosting”, this isn’t her birthday party, it’s their joint child’s christening. Therefore as much my friend’s event as their partners in my example.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2025 13:35

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 13:25

Your OH is the problem
He slags you off to his mates, blames you because he is too weak to say no to them and then won't defend you when they are nasty about you
Hes a bit of a cunt to be frank

This. Uses you as an excuse to not do things, slags you off. Added to which they are sexist pigs who think women’s place is in the home facilitating their lives.

He’s a bit of a cunt, so are they.

SkySmiler · 19/03/2025 13:36

You have a DP problem

Does he even have your back

godmum56 · 19/03/2025 13:37

My usual question really. OP why do you stay with this man?

Starlight7080 · 19/03/2025 13:38

I wouldn't invite them . But you should sit down with your partner and explain that because he has obviously bad mouthed you so much to his friends that they don't like you and you don't want that sort of atmosphere at such an important event.
He really should have realised this would happen.

Original poster

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:38

I am the one paying for it as OH isn’t overly bothered about getting DC christened.

I just don’t see why they should be invited when they are just awful to me, they make sarcastic comments and I don’t want that kind of malice on my DC’s day.

OH is worried that it will cause friction by not inviting them as his other friends are.

OP posts:

Happyinarcon · 19/03/2025 13:38

It sounds like you’re trying to isolate your partner from his family and friends.

Devilsmommy · 19/03/2025 13:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2025 13:35

This. Uses you as an excuse to not do things, slags you off. Added to which they are sexist pigs who think women’s place is in the home facilitating their lives.

He’s a bit of a cunt, so are they.

Show quote history

More than a bit of a cunt I'd say. Definitely don't invite them and if they try and give you grief about it I'd be telling them to fuck right off

VoyageVoyager · 19/03/2025 13:41

Happyinarcon · 19/03/2025 13:38

It sounds like you’re trying to isolate your partner from his family and friends.

I think it's more 'trying to pretend her DP isn't just as ghastly as his friends'.

Original poster

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:43

@Happyinarcon
No, everyone else is invited apart from these two couples.
OH does what he wants when we wants and has a habit of using me as an excuse for not wanting to do things with people.

OP posts:

Ddakji · 19/03/2025 13:48

It’s a christening not a wedding. Just ask immediate family and the godparents.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 19/03/2025 13:49

SapphireOpal · 19/03/2025 13:17

I'm sorry, this bloke said all this to you in your own house and your DP didn't tell him to fuck off?

You have a massive DP problem.

Show quote history

Or op being spoken to like that in her own house.
I'd have no hesitation in telling his mate to keep his opinions to himself and tell him dp didn't want to do xyz but didn't have the nerve to tell you the truth.

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 13:50

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:43

@Happyinarcon
No, everyone else is invited apart from these two couples.
OH does what he wants when we wants and has a habit of using me as an excuse for not wanting to do things with people.

Oh dear OP
I was right, he's a total Cunt (sorry)
He slags you off to his friends, won't pay towards his own daughters Christening and apparently "does what he wants when he wants"
Its too late to suggest you don't procreate with him but I would suggest you don't do it again
Maybe he is a wonderful human being and you are only sharing the negatives about him here but based on that he is cunt and so are his friends

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 19/03/2025 13:50

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:38

I am the one paying for it as OH isn’t overly bothered about getting DC christened.

I just don’t see why they should be invited when they are just awful to me, they make sarcastic comments and I don’t want that kind of malice on my DC’s day.

OH is worried that it will cause friction by not inviting them as his other friends are.

If your boyfriend is so worried he can pay.

Why is he not worried about allowing his knuckledragger mate to slag you off?

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