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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want OH’s friends at christening?

68 replies

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:07

I really want to get out child christened and OH has left me to plan it and get on with it.

One issue is that I don’t want OH to invite certain friends.
They are rude to me, make their dislike for me very obvious and in the past have slagged me of to OH so I don’t want them invited.

I don’t even know why they have such a dislike for me, I have only met one couple two times and I was very polite and nice to them.

One friend I have met twice and again I was nothing but nice when he came round to do a paid job (he wanted to do it for free but I insisted on paying him).
He kept making subtle digs at me.

It’s only 2 couples.
They regularly meet up, go for dinners, holiday together, at each others houses etc.
They invite OH but I am not invited.
My partner and the guys were friends first and then the OH’s became friends.

We all have young babies snd OH wants our kids to all play and be like cousins but I don’t think that’s appropriate given how much they dislike me.

The only reason I can think they are like this is when OH started talking our business one time years ago when we had some problems.

OH tells me their business all the time but I don’t hold it against them but for some reason our arguments have been held against me when they don’t even know me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 19/03/2025 13:50

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:38

I am the one paying for it as OH isn’t overly bothered about getting DC christened.

I just don’t see why they should be invited when they are just awful to me, they make sarcastic comments and I don’t want that kind of malice on my DC’s day.

OH is worried that it will cause friction by not inviting them as his other friends are.

If you’re paying for it all then you get to choose who’s invited. Would he really expect you to spend money on people he knows don’t like you and run their mouth in your own home? If so, that’s another layer of cunt on top of the other behaviour you’ve described.

Sorry, I missed the bit where you said he does expect that and presumably isn’t contributing to pay for his friends you are inviting.

He’s worried about them being unhappy that his decent friends are invited. He’s spineless.

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2025 14:00

Happyinarcon · 19/03/2025 13:38

It sounds like you’re trying to isolate your partner from his family and friends.

No it doesn't

It would be a cold day in Hell before I invited people to something I was paying for if they were rude or non-inclusive to me

@eastend000 You have an OH problem

fruitbrewhaha · 19/03/2025 14:02

And your DP wants this test at your baby’s christening? He sounds misogynistic. I’d be asking your DP why he likes him.

Original poster
eastend000 · 19/03/2025 14:24

It’s like when I told OH what his friend had said about “taking his best friend away”, I told him it’s such a weird comment considering we were together for years before you met him.

OH was adamant he knew this friend longer until I had to show him pics from the year we first met on my phone.

It is as if he always back and support other people over me.

Im not really happy in the relationship and only put up with him because of the kids.

It’s like even at Xmas his friend who came round was asking him and our DC to go round for Xmas Day dinner and me spend it alone.

Its an awful feeling and I don’t see why I should pay for his2 friends to come to an event I am paying for given their hostile attitude and behaviour towards me.

OP posts:
Garlicgarlicgarlic · 19/03/2025 14:30

You're not happy with the man and the relationship doesn't serve you, why are you only putting up with him because of your kids? If you dump him he will still be your kids father.

Are you dependent on him for housing or anything?

RampantIvy · 19/03/2025 14:33

Kids plural😕
Please get watertight contraception and put your foot down and say his awful friends are not welcome. This is meant to be a happy occasion so you don't want people there who are going to spoil it

BridgetJonesBlueSoup · 19/03/2025 14:41

Dint invite them and if anything is said tell them you’re just inviting guests who are friends to you both. Let that sink in.

Lokens · 19/03/2025 14:58

Such a shame you have chosen to have a child with a man who happily allows his friends to be rude towards you.
Why would you do this?

You are paying for this christening, you decide who gets invited.

Introducingme · 19/03/2025 15:15

You have a DH problem.
You will always be last on his list.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 19/03/2025 15:29

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:14

I didn’t do anything we were just arguing and going through a bad patch.

OH has a big mouth and is forever talking ours/ everyone’s else’s business.

When the friend come round he kept saying “You have taken my best friend away from me”.

”Stop keep wanting him to help you look after the kids, my mrs does it all with her eyes closed”.

”He says your stopping him from from doing ZYZ”
The reality is OH just doesn’t want to do ZYZ and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

What I find so bizarre is that OH doesn’t class him as his best friend and I was with OH way before this friend came on the scene.

OH just brushes it of and says nothing.

Four people don’t just suddenly start excluding someone’s partner for no good reason or because you went through ‘a bit of a bad patch’.

Your partner has been shit talking you waaaay worse than he’s telling you. He’s also using you as an excuse whenever he doesn’t want to do something, instead of being honest about it, so they think you’re controlling his free time. He’s moaning about having to spend time with his kids and acting like he has to be there because you can’t cope/aren’t pulling your weight. The fact he’s happy to go out with them solo shows how much he’s really got your back.

I’d be seriously questioning his loyalty and the extent to which he’s responsible for fostering this bad feeling towards you.

GabriellaMontez · 19/03/2025 15:34

Yanbu.

I wouldnt invite your OH either. He sounds like a bell end.

SallyWD · 19/03/2025 15:40

The friends sound absolutely awful but I imagine you DH has been moaning about you to them, which is the real issue here. I'd hate to be with a partner who slags me off to his mates.

Starlight7080 · 19/03/2025 15:44

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 14:24

It’s like when I told OH what his friend had said about “taking his best friend away”, I told him it’s such a weird comment considering we were together for years before you met him.

OH was adamant he knew this friend longer until I had to show him pics from the year we first met on my phone.

It is as if he always back and support other people over me.

Im not really happy in the relationship and only put up with him because of the kids.

It’s like even at Xmas his friend who came round was asking him and our DC to go round for Xmas Day dinner and me spend it alone.

Its an awful feeling and I don’t see why I should pay for his2 friends to come to an event I am paying for given their hostile attitude and behaviour towards me.

This sounds so strange. Why would the guy think you didn't want to spend Christmas day with your kids.
Has to be more to this. Your dh must be saying all sorts about you.
I wouldn't want any of those people in my life .

Bolscassis · 19/03/2025 15:59

Don’t invite them and who cares what they say as they clearly dislike you intensely for some reason. I would not allow my kids to be near these friends. Your dh is a dick.

RampantIvy · 19/03/2025 16:00

If the father of your children decides he won't go if his friends aren't invited I would consider this a win. He sounds awful and far too immature to have children.

ManyATrueWord · 19/03/2025 16:08

"OH is worried that it will cause friction by not inviting them as his other friends are."

Then just make sure the trouble and upset he has to deal with from you is worse than anything he might have to deal with from them. Be the squeaky wheel.

user1492757084 · 19/03/2025 16:21

Enjoy the Christening.
Plan for a simple lunch at your place. Ask family to help with food and setting up.
Invite baby's closest relatives and the Godparents and their partners and children.
It is also fine to have only the church folk there as witnesses and the baby's grandparents and Godparents as extra guests..

Disturbia81 · 19/03/2025 16:21

What on earth has your OH been saying!?
for someone to invite him and the kids for CHRISTMAS DAY without you? Surely that would only happen if they think you’ve been abusive?
As others have said you have a whole separate issue, you need a massive chat with your partner.

Original poster
eastend000 · 19/03/2025 16:53

I think the friend who invited OH and DC was just trying to be malicious by inviting them for Xmas dinner and excluding me.

I agree with PP OH must be telling them all sorts of stuff, when I ask him he just brushes it off.

When I gave birth last year these 2 friends were asking to come and see the baby but I refused as I had major complications, was in hospital for over a week and the last thing I wanted was these 2 and their OH coming round gloating and making sarcastic comments.

OH took major offence and says me refusing them to come round to see the baby has escalated things.

I am thankful that this is my house and I have my own separate finances but I only really
keep him round because of the kids.

I have discussed up separating before but he begged me to give it another chance.

We have been together 12 years now and have 3 DC, he used to be the most loving partner until he met these friends.

They slag women off, cheat on their OH’s, drink, do drugs and my OH seems to think it is all normal behaviour.

OP posts:
BansheeOfTheSouth · 19/03/2025 16:59

Don't discuss splitting up, tell him you are. Show him the door. Your kids will be better off spending less time with him.

RampantIvy · 19/03/2025 17:03

They slag women off, cheat on their OH’s, drink, do drugs and my OH seems to think it is all normal behaviour.

He sounds even more immature now. Tell him that he has to grow up and step up or off he goes.

And DEFINITELY put your foot down about the christening.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 19/03/2025 17:21

Fantastic that you own the property, boot him out. He can parent his kids, have his vile druggie mates and you can enjoy life free of him.
You don't even need to argue with him, just tell him you're no longer housing him, the police can assist if he tantrums.

pinkyredrose · 19/03/2025 17:25

eastend000 · 19/03/2025 13:43

@Happyinarcon
No, everyone else is invited apart from these two couples.
OH does what he wants when we wants and has a habit of using me as an excuse for not wanting to do things with people.

Not sure i like the sound of your OH.

Gymnopedie · 19/03/2025 17:25

OP I think you should message the one who said you'd stolen his best friend and tell him he can have your OH back - you don't want him anymore.

You know you can manage on your own, so do it. It's not better to have children growing up in a two parent house when the relationship is so awful and abusive* and you don't want them to think that this is an acceptable way for one partner to behave to the other. It's your house, time to tell him to leave. With the usual advice, change the locks.

*and it is abuse, the way he talks to you, the way he talks about you, the way he defends them and makes you the problem.

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2025 17:26

OP please get rid of him, it sounds like he brings nothing positive to your life

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