To not want OH’s friends at christening?

[eastend000]

I really want to get out child christened and OH has left me to plan it and get on with it.

One issue is that I don’t want OH to invite certain friends.
They are rude to me, make their dislike for me very obvious and in the past have slagged me of to OH so I don’t want them invited.

I don’t even know why they have such a dislike for me, I have only met one couple two times and I was very polite and nice to them.

One friend I have met twice and again I was nothing but nice when he came round to do a paid job (he wanted to do it for free but I insisted on paying him).
He kept making subtle digs at me.

It’s only 2 couples.
They regularly meet up, go for dinners, holiday together, at each others houses etc.
They invite OH but I am not invited.
My partner and the guys were friends first and then the OH’s became friends.

We all have young babies snd OH wants our kids to all play and be like cousins but I don’t think that’s appropriate given how much they dislike me.

The only reason I can think they are like this is when OH started talking our business one time years ago when we had some problems.

OH tells me their business all the time but I don’t hold it against them but for some reason our arguments have been held against me when they don’t even know me.

AIBU?

Im not really happy in the relationship and only put up with him because of the kids.

You should reverse this. You should ask him to leave the house because of your kids because you don't want them growing up around a toxic man. He doesn't support you or respect you and your kids will grow up thinking this how men treat women.

OP I think you should message the one who said you'd stolen his best friend and tell him he can have your OH back - you don't want him anymore.

This ^^ is the best answer on this thread.

Yes this is what I tell him regularly.
I don’t want our son to grow up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat women.

He really isn’t an active dad to the kids anyway.
I do all the childcare.

The last time I had any time to myself/ child free time was when I had to go for a colonoscopy a few months back and he had to look after the kids for half a day.
Other than that I literally get no time to myself.

But if he wants to go out, he does, he see’s his mates all the time, goes on holiday etc.

His and his mates believe that “Women should stay at home with the kids and the man works”.

I have had enough to be honest and it wouldn’t make much difference him moving out anyway considering I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, childcare etc.

But he's not worried about the friction they cause by being vile to you? But yes you have a massive DH problem. Ultimately he cares more about what they think than about how you feel. Not a keeper. You say you keep him around for the kids but also that he does zero childcare. It would be the end for me, as you say he does nothing at home and will be adding to your workload with washing etc

Why are you with this man and why did you have children with him?!

This.
When my ex moved out it made no difference as I did everything anyway
It made it easier as I carried on making all the decisions but without any comments
There was less stuff around the house
I wasn't irritated and constantly disappointed by my expectations that somebody else would actually be an adult and empty the dishwasher
You will be happy OP. Get rid

You have a partner problem. If he's telling his friends about every 'bad' interaction he has with you, then it's not any wonder they've taken a dislike to you. However, being grown adults, they should be keeping out of his relationship, because it's none of their business. You need a honest and blunt conversation with your partner. He's the one who has caused the mess, by opening his mouth, it's time he stepped up and told his friends they are treating you badly. If he won't, then he's putting his friends before you.

this is an absolute no brainer op.

you have the finances, do everything anyway, and he is awful.

kick. Him. Out.

you will be doing your dc a FAVOUR to kick him out.

happier mum, happier house, and no misogynistic aresehole role modelling to them what relationships should be like.

you leave this bastard FOR your kids

It’s the christening of the kids that BOTH of you are parents to. He deserves to have his friends there just as you do.

Totally agree with everyone else. Get rid of the useless arse, and then you don't need to worry about causing friction with his vile friends. Two-in-one.

How is "keeping him around for the kids" working if he's not an active parent and is just teaching them that it's totally acceptable to treat their mother like rubbish? Get your life back. You and the DCs will be much happier without him and the friends he values more than you causing you grief.

Christenings are only for family and godparents. If neither of these people fall into this category you’re fine.

No it doesn’t, where is his family mentioned? His pals are horrible

Comments like this are so nasty and unhelpful, most woman are in a good place when they get pregnant and things get worse afterwards, the last thing she needs is to berated. What’s done is done, the kids are here and she needs advice about now and the christening not the choices she made years ago

Wow I’m shocked that you’re being treated this way and I’m really sorry it’s happening.

He is probably still telling them your business. In all likelihood. The next time one of them is around making digs, calmly ask them how whatever problem they have had recently is going - if he’s telling you their business, get him talking before they are going to come over.

If they don’t like you and they are going to be rude there is no reason to keep being nice when they are being awful to you. Give them the same shit right back.

As for your partner, he’s going to have to take sides and if it’s theirs better to know sooner rather than later. Don’t live a miserable life because he doesn’t have the balls to stand up for you. Child support is expensive. It’s time for him to choose his hard.

The bar really is on the floor for some people…

get rid!!!

How sad, I missed this one before I commented earlier.

You deserve better. Sound like he’s living a single life while you’re having the burden of all adult responsibilities.

I would get your exit plan in place before you act, but it doesn’t sound good to stay.

Tell him you want to split up and offer him shared custody. Let him be a parent every other weekend so you get some time to yourself.

Why the fuck did he have three kids if he doesn’t want anything to do with them?

Anyway OP, looks like you've seen the light. Are you going to kick him out? You could have all his stuff by the front door and change the locks today.

Omg op , this is no life , for you or the children .
The positives are , you’re not married , it’s your house and you’re financially dependent, everything else is easy , he has to go .
This keeping him around for the kids is nonsense, no child has benefited from watching their mum being treated like crap .