House deposit

[GassyCanister]

If you had two children, would you give £20,000 to one towards a house deposit. Nothing to the other?

Context:
Child 1 has 2 children of their own. Previously owned home, moved to bigger home, price increased significantly between purchase / selling so had a fair bit of equity.

Child 2 first time buyer. No children of their own.

i won’t say who I am yet in the story until I’ve got some idea if I’m being unreasonable or not.

I should have been clearer. We have three secondary schools within walking distance, one is a grammar which gets the second best results in the county. They qualified for the most successful grammar in the county, top 10 in the country, we felt that as they had worked hard to come in the top 5% to qualify for it, we needed to support them in their ambitions. So yes, I count this as additional support that they had over their siblings.

No

You genuinely believe paying bus fares to school as being giving extra support?

I think this is probably the first time I’ve ever been totally speechless.

There are times that I would treat children differently but this is definitely not one of them.

I would give each 10k (or each 20k if I had it!)

I would want my gift to both of them to be equivalent, but it wouldn’t necessarily need to be cash for a house deposit. If one child is significantly better off, I’d talk to them about how I might gift them something that would be beneficial. It might be premium bonds for the dc. It might be a larger chunk of inheritance. It might be help with house renovations or childcare.

I think while one child might have more equity in property already, they also have less capacity for saving. An adult with no children could work extra and save more to build up savings. Childcare costs and availability would prevent the other from easily doing the same.

Depends.

If this is your only £20k then no.

If there is plenty in the pot and you could help other sibling to same amount IF required then yes. Things dont have to be equal for sake of it. I think it should be needs based.

My parents gave my sister a considerable amount to purchase because thats what they needed. We didn’t receive the same.

I am fine with that as I know if I ever do NEED something. Then the same would be available to me. But at this point I dont.

Well that is shit of your parents.

No.
And given your update, it seems unfair.
However, I’m assuming your upbringing was otherwise equal (you didn’t go to private school / uni whilst your brother didn’t, etc.)

I think it’s always important to value the relationships above money. Personally, I would just make a mental note of this moment, because what goes around comes around. And of course, in this future hypothetical scenario where it’s coming around, I’m sure you’d be told you’re petty, but I prefer - consistent.

I would not give 20k but I'd give the one without a house £10k and loan her £10k. When she had paid it back I would give it to her sister

yes

Only if the parent talked it over with child 1, explained the reasoning like "I really want to help child 2, but I don't have enough to do the same for both of you" and they agreed.

Otherwise, no, equal.

If they don't currently have the money available, what can they do? Have investments performed poorly or they've had unexpectedly large expenses?

Also just to note that the mortgage company wouldn't accept it if it was a loan. It would need to be an outright gift with no strings attached. Just mentioning this in case it makes you feel better about your parents' inability to help.

No, I would never give anything to one child that I couldn’t afford to give to the other later on. And the same for the younger child (/the one purchasing a house later)- I wouldn’t give them money for the deposit if I hadn’t give it to their sibling.