To complain about teacher weight comments

[jd88123]

My Daughter is in S1 aged 12 and was in biology class. Her teacher made them all weigh themselves.
My DD went through puberty age 10 and has boobs and a bum. Her BMI is 22 which is normal.
She said the teacher told them to "put 50kg down if you don't want to put your real weight as this is normal".
I am fuming about this as my DD is already weight conscious and has said she is going on a diet which I don't condone as she is healthy.
I think the teacher was very irresponsible to comment this and I sent a complaint about it to her guidance teacher which they've said they are looking in to.
I feel it's so wrong for children to compare themselves to each other as everyone is different. It's so damaging to their self esteem and at this age all girls especially have so much pressure to be thin and beautiful from the media.
Would you have complained?

Did she definitely say normal or might she have said average?
I agree it’s not the best approach though. My kids school do activities like this with pumpkins and squash, not people

I was a fat 11 year old and we were weighed. It was humiliating. Exactly 2 in years later I weighed less than that after a diet and looked like a normal 13 year old. I can understand the bad feeling this has caused OP

Oh ffs. There's healthy weight and there's not healthy weight. Stop being ridiculous.

Educate your child about BMI, weigh and healthy life style - and ignore the teacher.

I have said this before but repeat, four kids brought up exactly the same way food wise, exercise etc DD1 very slim struggles to keep weon. DD2 very curvy but normalish weight DS1, has periods of putting weight on easily has to work on maintenance of normal weight, DS2 very very active and put we on easily. They are all so different but same family it is not just healthy eating and exercise it is all very individual. When they hit 11 I got rid of the bathroom scales so they couldn't obsess. Love to you daughter OP. The teacher(I am one) was insensitive and IMO wrong.

I think the teacher was trying to be aware that some of the children will be self conscious of their weight so she was giving them an option. It's not like she singled your daughter out.

The teacher was probably just trying to teach something about variability of human characteristics and using ‘real’ data that was relevant to the class. I’m sure there wasn’t a list put up that linked every child’s name and weight so nobody would have known how heavy anyone else was.

The teacher made a comment to the whole class which was intended to save children being made to feel uncomfortable about their weight, but that was still wrong because your daughter is concious of it. Teacher’s just can’t win!

This obviously a data handling exercise for the children, they weren't forced to weigh themselves or divulge their real weight, I don't see your problem. She had to tell them an 'average' or 'usual' or'normal' weight to put down so it doesn't skew the data too much. This is a very normal 'experiment' for kids to do, I think all mine did it too. I think you need to get over yourself a bit. You are marking yourself out as the crazy unreasonable parent!

Our weight is a fact and just like its useful to know your blood type, height, or shoe size, it's useful to know your weight.

If someone doesn't want to know their weight and finds it 'triggering' then that in itself is a red flag for disordered thinking.

Try to avoid getting teachers into trouble if avoidable. It's a very stressful job and this could wind up with your kid having loads of supply teachers.

Dear god what the fuck is she thinking? This could trigger an eating disorder. I am normally on the teachers side but they need to not do this. It’s extremely dangerous.

Useful?
Why. Most pf the time I don't know my weight. I see no reason to.

Itsofunny I hope for your sake you are able to remain in the privileged position of thinking as you do. Many of us parents are not so lucky.

What was the teacher thinking? Nobody who works with teens can be unaware of eating disorders. I would have complained too.

We are in hell with it. Caused by me apparently making a throw away comment at a ski weigh in. Just don’t go there with weight. The stakes are far too high.

What was the context for the weighing ? Was it to calculate BMIs or similar? The teacher did offer a "non weigh" option by giving the children a generic weight to use instead.
I understand the risk around eating disorders but there's an equal risk around children not understanding what weight is and how to measure it and maybe a constructive conversation around weight of fat vs muscle and the pros and cons of BMI as a measure may be a good thing ?

If someone doesn't want to know their weight and finds it 'triggering' then that in itself is a red flag for disordered thinking @Itssofunny

Yes exactly, and could lead to a potentially life threatening eating disorder.
Which isn't so funny.

Not sure why "triggering" is in inverted commas, it's almost like you think you're winning the argument.

Op the teacher has been at best irresponsible. There will be children in the class already with eating disorders and probably won't even tell their parents what took place.

Good grief. People weigh different amounts, its a (biological) fact of life so why be so dramatic about it? The kids had to weigh themselves and if they didn't want to, they could stick down 50kg. Presumably because that's bang in the middle of the bell curve they're about to draw. Teacher did nothing wrong.

Weight needs to be talked about more as we are in crisis with it, and i say that as someone who has been overweight previously.

It should be something that children learn about in a healthy controlled environment, i believe it should also be talked about frankly including the consequences to health if you are overweight

The focus should be around health and not ideal beauty standards and i think tats where alot of it can get lost in translation.

"Around one in eight children aged between two and 10 in England are obese, an NHS survey published today found.
New statistics show around one in seven children (15%) aged between two and 15 were obese in 2022 – similar to 2019 (16%). Obesity rates in 2022 were 12% among those aged between two and 10, and 19% in those aged between 11 and 15.
The latest Health Survey for England shows 64% of adults were overweight or obese in 2022, including three in 10 (29%) who were obese, with more men (67%) classified as overweight or obese than women (61%).
The figures for adults have remained similar to 2019, when 64% of adults were overweight or obese, including 28% who were obese"

I think educating teens about bmi is positive as long as children can keep their weight private from peers and the focus is on strength and longevity.

Is this serious? You'd rather a potential eating disorder over a supply teacher??
Wt actual f?

I can't tell what is real on mn anymore, this is absolutely batshit.

Often used to figure out clothes sizes to order online. Can be used to decide how much medication to take (especially when transitioning between child/adult categories). Can be used to give an indication of health (though agree that is not the be all and end all).

Mainly, I am sceptical of the idea that the truth is something to hide away from. There's a balance to be struck between obsessing over your weight and purposefully hiding the truth from yourself.

Surely the ideal would be to teach our children that weight is just one factor among many, something we can be aware of but don't have to obsess over.

The teacher didn't insist the students had to share their real weight with the class. The teacher just asked them to weigh themselves (privately, I assume) and write down a standard average weight if they preferred.

They should not be weighing themselves at school in class. That’s a terrible idea.

I think it’s fucked up that a teacher gets a bunch of 12 year olds to weigh themselves in a public setting. This would’ve been my nightmare as a child/teen. Saying they don’t have to get on the scales if they don’t want to is not helpful when others around them are. It singles them out and is likely to bring classmates’ questions about why you don’t want to weigh yourself, and speculative comments particularly if a kid is over/underweight. Even the healthiest of kids is impressionable and can have disordered thinking.

I don’t think I would complain, but I’d contact the teacher and express my concerns. And I wouldn’t even care about being labelled ‘that’ parent.

I do think YABU to complain to be honest. The teacher was obviously trying to be sensitive to children who might not want to put their weight down (which is a good thing), though yes, it is unfortunate that she did choose a relatively low number. I might have mentioned it directly to her rather than raised it as a complaint.