To be upset at my wife for blaming me

[Mootaa]

my wife purchased a dress for her friend's party - I didn't go. At the party a few people commented that the dress was abit unflattering.

Last night, she told me this and blamed me for not telling her when she purchased the dress.

I didn't say anything but I felt furious with her. It was a throwaway comment on her part but, to me, it's another example of how everything is my fault, and the ease at how she say thoughtless things without consideration for other people's feelings.

There are a number of things going on in our life that I am dealing with and I just didn't need another comment from her.

I won't say anything to her because it will cause an argument but am I being reasonable to be upset by her.

Was the dress unflattering? Did she ask for your opinion?

How would she have reacted if you (tactfully) told her the truth?

She obviously felt happy in it to go. Sounds like she was upset with them but transferred that to you which isn’t fair. Send her this:

C

YABU with how you described this one instance. However if you told the stories of the other things going on, it might begin to make a bit more sense and your upset seem more reasonable.

As it stands, she made a throwaway, very possibly bordering on jokey comment that she's mad you didn't tell her she looked rubbish before she went.

This one thing on its own is a non-issue. But you say there's other things. Unless we know what they are, maybe we can't get a whole grasp on the situation?

It was fine to me at least.
She wouldn't have minded if it has said something at the shop.

Yanbu. You thought the dress looked fine... surely it is subjective if you think something is flattering on someone or not?

She obviously felt confident enough to wear the dress too and presumably you own mirrors so she could see herself before leaving the house

She sounds like hard work

Who in earth was she at the party with? Social etiquette doesn’t usually allow for people to tell you your dress doesn’t suit you. It doesn’t even sound as though it was just one person that said it. Are you sure it actually happened?

I would cut her some slack on this incident, it must gave been very upsetting and embarrassing for her, especially if she had made an extra effort with her appearance.

What rude and horrible people.

I find it hard to believe she went to a gathering with friends and they told her they didn’t like her dress….

Yeah, people don't do that to your face at social gatherings, they save it for the drive home. Maybe she caught herself in the mirror and thought "lord, I look like a sack of spuds", why didn't Mootta tell me?!

I find this irritating. She’s treating you like her scapegoat. Unfortunately it’s probably part of a wider unhealthy dynamic

@Mootaa perhaps wifie needs to look at choosing nicer friends??? who the hell would come up to you and say hey that dress looks hideous on you??

People at the party were rude.

Does she not have a mirror.

I never ask DH what I look like in anything cause he is useless, I ask my 15 year old son, he is always honest.

Does she do this often OP? It sounds like this is not the only issue you are having in your marriage

At the party a few people commented that the dress was abit unflattering.

This seems staggeringly unlikely.

Her anger needs to be directed at her 'friends' who were so rude as to tell her the dress didn't suit her. It's fine to give an honest opinion when someone is trying on a dress, but once someone is at an event and wearing it, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by criticising it other than to make the person feel bad.

If you thought the dress looked OK, there is nothing more to be said, and your wife is being unreasonable.

I think you saying she looked ‘fine’ speaks volumes. For me, I don’t want to look fine when I go to a party, I make a lot of effort to look at least ‘really nice’ aiming for ‘amazing’ so if my DH said I look fine, I would know I look in fact shit.

I am very surprised multiple people said the dress was unflattering. I would never say that at an event & don’t know anyone that would.
If the dress was clearly unflattering then I think you should have said something but you said you didn’t think so. It sounds like this is another post that isn’t really about the AiBU, just a lot of issues going on in the relationship.

Sounds like she wouldn’t have listened to your opinion if you had of said something.
Stoo top toeing around and leave the bitch.

Those friends sound like shitty people and shouldn’t comment on her appearance

She sounds like a massive piece of work seeking validation.
Not, you are not being unreasonable, she is.
Is she always this grating?

I simply don’t understand how anyone could be so mean to tell someone at a party that was they were wearing was unflattering? What is wrong with people?

What does ‘fine’ mean though? Did it look nice on her?

People don't often tell someone their dress is unflattering, several saying it is very unusual. If it is true, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Your DW feels crap after being insulted, instead of writing sly posts about her big her up and tell her how amazing and beautiful she is.

If she wanted your opinion, she should have asked for it.
It is a childish way of dodging the accountability of her bad decision. Very immature.
Sorry you have to put up with her.

My DH will say "fine" for anything that is fine or above. Getting him to say anything more is hard work. But he will tell me that I look bad if I do so I take fine.

It's because he thinks I look good in a bin bag (I don't, he's just looking at me with those stupid love goggles) so doesn't see the difference between "fine" and "amazing".

And she should not be palming off her anger at them onto the OP! LTB, as they say in MN or you'll get the blame for all her poor decisions.