To think you should never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to?

[QuickPlayer]

People say “there’s no such thing as a stupid question,” but isn’t asking something you genuinely don’t know just admitting ignorance? The smartest people seem to ask questions to test others, confirm what they suspect, or guide a conversation - not because they’re clueless.

If you have to ask, doesn’t that mean you’ve already lost the upper hand? AIBU to think that in many cases, asking questions is just exposing a weakness?

Intelligence is knowing when to ask a question. It's linking your existing knowledge to new information, understanding the gaps that exist and asking the question that fills those gaps. A less Intelligent person may not have the ability to process all this quickly enough to ask the question. Generally question askers are the clever ones.

Ignorance is not the same as stupidity.

Deliberately refusing to learn, however, is stupid.

It depends on the motive for the question.
There's many theories on here

I'm curious, OP, about how well your strategic approach has served you to date. I presume that it has taken you to the very top of your field, given that you're advocating for your others to follow your example.

My own progression has followed a different route. I readily admit that other people know more than me about all sorts of things, and I don't hesitate to ask them for their insights. I'm confident in the skills that I bring to the table, so I don't feel the need to maintain "the upper hand". Quite the contrary, actually...I think that humility, authenticity and an ability to bring together different people's strengths are part of what got me to where I am now. I can't honestly imagine how I'd have got anywhere if I had restricted my interactions in the way that you suggest.

Imo, the sure-fire way to fail at anything is to pretend that you're an expert in everything.

I disagree with the saying “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” as there are many!

But I would take someone who is confident enough to ask the stupid question to further their own understanding over someone who pretends to know it all any day of the week! Only the latter is dangerous.

Only a fool knows everything. Although of course, as the saying goes, better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt…but then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

You can’t win OP - people will be able to tell just how stupid you are regardless, so I would embrace learning with open arms and be respected for putting yourself out there!

As a lawyer I don’t ask witnesses questions I don’t know the answer to and I ensure I’m well informed for investigations, but in every other interaction I ask as many questions as I can.

Curiosity is the only way to grow, it develops critical thinking and helps build relationships. The smartest people I know are the question askers

I work with a guy who insists on asking questions which he should know the answer to (if he had been listening and doing his homework), it makes me cringe every day.
Those kind of questions do have a negative effect on the discourse. I also agree that asking questions which you know the answer to is useful rhetorical tool, to coax a discussion along.

But questions can also be used as a quick way to find out something you don't know, its fine.

My golden rule of questions is that if you are going to ask then you must be ready for the answer whatever it may be.

Op you're playing 4d chess with yourself while everybody else just carries on with conversation 😂

It's not that complicated. Questions are fine.

The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong in this one

So being devious and manipulative rather than just being genuine? How very Machiavellian. You sound exhausting.

In my work I often share projects with people who have very different expertise from me. Scientists. In a typical meeting there’s about 200 years worth of post-graduate education and experience across at least 4 different disciplines. One compliment I frequently receive is that I ask good questions. It is an important way to show that I can engage with the other domains, it makes people more confident to work with me. Asking insightful questions shows that I have understood things so far and I’m building a coherent mental model of the problem, coming up with ideas and testing them. No one would expect me to already know all that stuff, the whole point of an interdisciplinary team is that we bring different knowledge.

There definitely are questions that will make you appear ignorant. But there are also questions that demonstrate intellect. If you’re generally known to be intelligent, the occasional stupid question won’t change that.

This reminds me of an approach an ex used to take. He didn't like to appear uninformed so if I mentioned a book or film or topic that he didn't know much or anything about he'd pontificate and argue with me about it until it became clear he didn't actually know what it was about. I'd have had much more respect if he'd just says "I haven't read that, sounds interesting..sounds similar too x " or whatever.

What a sad way of living life!

I think people who know very little about a subject can ask a question that exposes just how little they know, which people might judge them for. I am not very clued up on films, music etc so I'm careful what I ask! On a more serious note, we have discussions on EDI (equality, diversity and inclusion) and I think people avoid asking anything for fear of looking ignorant, which defeats the purpose.

On the other hand, I believe a strong leader will ask the difficult questions they don't know the answer to. They will get a range of responses but in amongst that may be some fantastic thoughts. It is important to listen more than you talk to build connections with others. I have had lots of experience at work of people asking questions when you know they are looking for a particular answer and it feels like you have failed the test. It is refreshing when someone is genuinely asking you for your thoughts or expert knowledge.

As an aside, as a parent I try not to ask questions I already know the answer to. Then I'm just testing. I try instead to ask their opinions.

So you spend your whole life not knowing things and being too afraid to ask questions to improve your understanding in case it makes you look stupid? Maybe if you asked more questions you would be less stupid.

Totally agree. My in-laws are ridiculously intelligent (and nice) people and my god do they ask a lot of questions. Even just about really small details that I’d never have thought to ask.
knowledge is power, isn’t it?

I disagree OP. The truly smart people I personally know have inquisitive minds and would ask questions about something they don't know or don't understand. It could be a very basic question about a very basic topic but they are not familiar with it and are curious. What tends to happen, if they find it interesting, they would go and research the topic properly themselves at a later time.
The more you know, the more you know you don't know ...

I'm laughing. Can't believe you asked this. Surely a wind up?

You've just done it yourself. You have read the OP in a way that makes the OP inferior to you for asking.

This is either a wind-up or someone who is very hard work socially and at work. Seemingly, no answer from PPs is acceptable and OP is tying her/hisself in knots trying to provex point few of us are getting!

So if I ask my kids if they’ve fed the dog so that she doesn’t get fed twice that means I’ve lost some sort of battle with them rather than just ensuring she doesn’t get chunky? Who knew!
(DDog is an accomplished actor and constantly feigns starvation!)

@MyGhastIsFlabbered we had this happen in our house 😂 only came to light when I started noticing one of the dogs getting bigger. We now have a code to show the dogs have been fed.
One of the dogs doesn't eat much, one is food obsessed. The food obsessed one makes a right show about meal times (pacing, pointing at the food station, tail wagging, full eye contact etc). Anyway, dogs would often get 2 servings of the afternoon meal and the food obsessed one would end up eating 3 meals in one afternoon because the other dog wasn't interested in the second serving. No idea how long that was going on for.

I have been described as smart but I’m not.

I ask a lot of questions and genuinely love to learn about people and things.

I believe everyone I meet has something to teach me, and any perceived intelligence is merely a reflection of the amazing teachers I’ve had.

I’ve yet to meet a person who hasn’t taught me something.

The amount of things I don’t know is immensely vast.

how is pretending I know everything anything but a ridiculous proposition?

a sign of intelligence & confidence is being able to say “I have no idea about this”.

when has anyone ever spent time with a “know it all” and come away admiring them or wanting to be like them?

Generally I get away with relief.