To think you should never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to?

[QuickPlayer]

People say “there’s no such thing as a stupid question,” but isn’t asking something you genuinely don’t know just admitting ignorance? The smartest people seem to ask questions to test others, confirm what they suspect, or guide a conversation - not because they’re clueless.

If you have to ask, doesn’t that mean you’ve already lost the upper hand? AIBU to think that in many cases, asking questions is just exposing a weakness?

Because sometimes it’s not about the answer itself but about gauging someone else’s knowledge, perspective, or reaction. Lawyers, interviewers, and even parents do this all the time. Ever asked someone where they were last night when you already knew? Same idea.

I've read some bonkers shit on here over the years, but... Christ on a bike.

I’m a lawyer and this is what we are taught about examining a witness on the stand - never ask a question that you don’t know the answer to.

In almost all other contexts it seems like a pretty stupid way to go about things.

Fair point - I did phrase it that way. What I meant is that in some contexts, blindly asking without thinking can put you at a disadvantage. Obviously, there are times when asking questions is necessary (like in negotiations, as you said), but there’s also value in observing, researching, and reading the room before you ask. Not all questions are equal - some reveal curiosity, others reveal unpreparedness.

It’s about the situation though.

if you are in a meeting with a CEO and ask a question about something that you should have prepared yourself with, then yes that creates a perception

if you are working in a team and you can ask Anne to explain something to you because Anne is really f*cking good at that thing, then why would you waste your time ‘researching’. Anne would also like the ego boost

speaking of ego boosts - I very often ask things I know the answers to with colleagues to make them seem involved / valued / engaged with me as it makes them more bought in to me as a manager - that’s strategy you’re talking about

I worked with someone who wouldn't ask a question as they saw it as a weakness. They made costly mistakes as a result.

asking questions isn't a weakness. It's how we learn

Have you spend a lot of time recently reading crappy 90s self-development business books?

(Don't worry, I know the answer to that question).

I agree with you. We can't possibly all know everything!

The smartest people seem to ask questions to test others, confirm what they suspect, or guide a conversation

That sounds more manipulative than “smart” to me. Is this an ‘art of the deal’ thing where smart means manipulative rather than intelligent? Not everyone works or socialises in that sort of culture (thank goodness).

You need to work on your growth mindset!

As a parent I wouldn't ask where my child was if I knew. I would say I knew where they'd been and I was worried about it because........
And what I thought should be done about it.
I'm not going to risk setting them up for a situation where we're distracted by a lie being added to the mix.

Sounds exhausting.

You are aware that your ultra-strategic focus on having the "upper hand" simply means people perceive you as THAT sort of person?

When people ask questions to test you - because they plainly already knew the answer - they come across as manipulative and unpleasant.

Obviously some questions in some situations can be ignorant and unprepared, but by and large I'd rather work with someone who's secure enough in what they do know that they don't see asking for information they don't know as a loss of status.

"How on earth would a doctor or a vet ever reach a diagnosis? I am not psychic, I don't know if your cat is vomiting, has blood in its urine, is eating less, coughing, scratching etc unless I ask you questions that I need you to answer."

Oh I remember those.
Client: <puts pet on table, steps back in silence>
Me: <steps forward to get hold of pet before it launches itself off table, starts physical exam one handed using other hand to hold pet as owner clearly no intention of helping>
"What can I do for Fluffy today?"
Client: "Well, you're the vet, you tell me"
Me: asks questions in attempt to glean clinical history
Client: monosyllabic answers, glaring suspiciously as if I am cheating and trying to disguise incompetence.

Haven't had one for years, I think it stopped around about when "You don't look old enough to be a vet" stopped. It was mostly men, as I recall. Tiresome.

@QuickPlayer if you don't ask you won't know. If you listen to an answer then you know.
Whether it's any of your business is another matter of course.

Why do you use the word admitting? Its not a failing not to know something, your posts have an inauthentic tone.

It goes without saying that on occasion you might betray a lack of preparation, how could anyone disagree with that, but no one thinks an extrapolation of that to never asking a question is valid.

Haha, no, I haven’t been reading any 90s self-help books recently but I do think there’s value in strategic thinking, even if it’s not always popular to talk about. I’m just interested in how people balance being authentic and being strategic in different situations.

On a date and you don't ask questions because you don't know the answer? You look uninterested.
Refuse to ask for directions? You're lost and probably late.
Need to find out how bad your/your family's illness is? They die because you look up the information on the internet or an AI bot that makes stuff up, rather than ask the doctor.
In a meeting and you realise that no one has asked about risks, which might result in injury, death, serious financial loss, or company collapse? Said risks occur, resulting in one of those things.

What happens if you do ask questions you don't know the answer to?
You look interested in people and things, especially if someone is going on about something dull.
You get directions and arrive on time.
You find out you have the rare form of pancreatitis and your treatment cures you (see Steve Jobs).
You look like an asset to your employer because you're considering things that they hadn't thought about, or that everyone else was too afraid to ask.

But, you go ahead and keep quiet. Enjoy your life.

The world would be a much better place if more people felt happy to admit their ignorance on a subject.

Someone once told me they admired me very much for saying that I didn't know enough about the subject that was being discussed to give an opinion.

I love my current colleagues and almost all of my former ones. We learn loads from each other - young vets, old vets, RVNs, student vet nurses. I can count on my thumbs the ones who didn't ever ask any questions or ever want a second pair on a lump or an Xray or a set of blood results, as if it were a sign of weakness. They were fully paid up members of the Dunning-Kruger Club as well.

Why do you need to always have the upper hand? Life isn't a competition.

To ask may be a moment's shame, but to not ask and remain ignorant is a lifelong shame.

I think most people just don’t over complicate life. They ask questions when needed. If it feels a daft question you just make sure you ask the right people. Know your audience. Be authentic. Don’t need to live a strategic life.

As a business analyst, my whole life is about asking questions. I can’t know everything, but I learn by asking. I think if you don’t question things you don’t learn

How do you have a conversation then?
Much of conversation is asking things like what book someone is reading, what do they think of a tv series, have they been to a particular shop.

"To ask may be a moment's shame, but to not ask and remain ignorant is a lifelong shame."

Maybe OP had "Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt" drummed in at an early age?