Am I in the wrong to going to the hospital to check on my baby?

[TreeGum]

I live with my friend 'Amber' and her 2 year old daughter 'Olivia'. At the moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I do want to say that usually I do help Amber with Olivia quite a lot on a daily basis. Amber struggles with Olivia as she cannot handle her tantrums and I have had to calm both of them.

I have been feeling movements for a little while, but this morning when I first woke up and was moving around in bed, I didn't feel anything, which was unusual as I do feel something when I first wake up in the morning. I tried not thinking too much about it because I thought maybe the baby was still tired and started my day.

However, as time went by, I still didn't feel anything, so I tried having a sugary drink and certain foods, which usually gets a reaction and I still didn't feel anything. I have been moving around quite a bit, so I thought that might get some some sort of movement, but it didn't work. Sometimes when I tap on my body, I can feel the baby slightly, which didn't get a reaction.

I have had problems with bleeding, pain and infections from early on into this pregnancy to now, which Amber is aware of.

I started getting worried, so I contacted the number for maternity and explained the situation to the woman who said it would be best to come in and they can check the baby's heartbeat.

Amber and Olivia were not in since this morning and were still out when I left the house.

I drove down there and tried not thinking the worse. After I checked in and provided a urine sample, I saw the midwife and explained why I was there. She checked my urine, blood pressure and temperature and they were OK. She checked the baby's heartbeat and after a moment, she could hear the heartbeat and that it was strong. The midwife said that sometimes the positions of the placenta and the baby can cause a feeling of decreased movement and that I should feel more movement a bit later on into my pregnancy.

I thanked her and apologized as I felt I had wasted her time and she quickly said that I did the right feel as it is important to check if there is a decrease of movement and that's why they (the midwifes) are there.

I arrived home and immediately, Amber was asking where I was as she needed help because Olivia was throwing tantrum after tantrum and she couldn't get anything done. Olivia was having a nap at this point. I didn't realize she had messaged me as I had my phone on silent when I entered the hospital.

I explained about what happened and Amber ranted about how I shouldn't have bothered going to the hospital as I wasted their time and how the hospital already struggles because people go there for non-emergencies and that it's better to wait and see. Olivia started crying, so Amber went to see to her and I went upstairs.

She hasn't said anything to me since then.

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

You need to move out asap or move them out asap, depending on whose the property/lease is.

You did the right thing going to hospital but perhaps not the best thing living with this friend while you are pregnant.

Always go get checked for any change in normal movement! My baby stopped moving, passed a ctg and was then born a couple of hours later due to 2 failed ctgs.

This friend isn’t a friend and just sees you as the second parent to her daughter. It’s not your fault she can’t handle being a parent and you and your baby need to come first.

Amber needs to learn to handle her own business before she starts telling you how to handle yours!

ANY time you feel something might be wrong with you and/or your baby, you should get medical attention as soon as possible. You had NO way of knowing on your own if your baby was okay or not! All you can possibly know oftentimes is if something is different, off or unusual.

You did the right thing and if this or another situation arises that makes you worry again, you should get prompt medical attention again. Best wishes. :)

You’ve had bleeds and infections already in this pregnancy so you absolutely did the correct thing in seeking advice.
Why are you living with her ? Are you planning on still being there when you give birth ? You’ll it be able to ‘help’ her as much with a newborn.

It sounds like your “friend” doesn’t want you prioritising your child over her own needs for an easier life and free childcare. Now would be a great time to make an escape plan and find alternative accommodation.

Every time you are worried about the baby's movements, you should go to the hospital so that they can check. Every single time! You did the right thing by going today.

You write very carefully and precisely, which makes you sound student-age ( nothing wrong with that of course) but it sounds like Amber controls you. Is she your mother, and Olivia your little sister and you have re-framed this as friends? Not trying to call your bluff. It seems an unusual setup.

Hi- you did the right thing going in. I’ve been in a few times throughout my two pregnancies and the advice I have ALWAYS had from midwives and doctors is that it’s better to be safe than sorry, especially about movement.

Hope you’re ok. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy x

@TreeGum what are the circumstances here?

Why are you living with your friend and her daughter?

Is it your house? Or Ambers house?

Where are the dads/partners? Is Olivia’s father involved? Is the father of your baby involved?

Amber sounds like a cheeky fucker who probably needs more family help. It is not your responsibility to do that though.

If you live in your house - please ask Amber and Olivia to leave. You can’t bring a baby into this weird arrangement whilst Amber expects you to parent her child.

If you live in their house - please leave ASAP.

PUT YOURSELF FIRST. PLEASE.

Always get checked out if you’re worried.
Your friend’s reaction is worrying, she showed no concern for you or your baby only her own needs.

Unless you've got a huge drip feed and turn out to be Amber's partner & Olivia's non-birthing parent, she's got no right to tear you off a strip for getting your bump checked out. Even if she is your partner, she should realise how worrying it is if bump plays sleeping lions on you. Honestly, you need to get yourself out of that living situation and your own place where you can nest for your baby coming.

I'm really glad your baby is OK and sorry you had to go to the hospital on your own.

You are living with a very selfish woman. Don't expect her to change. She'll get even worse once your baby is born.

Is there anything you can do about living separately?

People often panic and go to the A&E incorrectly for pregnancy issues and its often a contributor to the wait issues as A&E don't deal with that... however you did not even do that right?

You phoned then went to maternity unit, which is there exactly for that purpose and much less busy. You did the right thing, in the correct process so don't let anyone tell you your wasting NHS time. Maternity unit are their waiting for situation like this.

Of course you did the right thing , youd baby is number 1 , not Olivia and Amber. Tbh she doesn't sound like a great friend to not be concerned and thankful that all was OK with your baby. As others said you need to look elsewhere for accommodation for you and baby.

Amber is a cheeky cow and needs to learn to parent her own child on her own.

YANBU. As the midwife said, they want to see you if you feel reduced movement, so you absolutely did the right thing.

Are you planning to live with Amber long term? If so, I would be rethinking that plan...

Your friend sounds abusive try watch out for her lil girl you did the right thing

Definitely don’t feel bad for going down, with my first I went many times, with my second only once at 39 weeks. They decided to induce me and she was born weighing less than they’d estimated 4 weeks previously (which despite their measurements often being a bit wacky was probably not good). She was happy and healthy but the midwives strongly suspected had I not gone down we may have had a bit more of an emergency on our hands.

Never ever feel bad for checking.

100% the right thing to do. They would rather see you than not so please do not let this make you question if you need to go in again in the future - your instincts are spot on.

You are in an unhealthy relationship with your friend and are being taken advantage of. You have to get out from living with them as she will make you prioritise her over your baby and that cannot happen.

Were you previously in an abusive relationship? It seems to me as though you're in an abusive friendship with this woman.

And how would you have felt if there did turn out to be something wrong with your baby and you hadn’t gone? Please try not to give this a second thought OP, you did nothing wrong - you are responsible for your own child, not your friends.

ETA: Single parenting is definitely very hard but ultimately we don’t owe anyone anything in this world - apart from to our own children because we are the ones who choose to have them. You did the right thing for YOUR child.

Alright, so are you ok after every one telling you that you and your child come first. We haven’t heard anything from you and wondering if you’re ok and your baby’s okay. Just let us know. We’re onlly trying to give you advice but and we hope nothing but the best for you.

You did exactly what you are supposed to do in this situation.

It sounds like Amber was being extremely selfish in that moment and couldn't see past her own struggles with parenting. I can understand a mum being so frazzled that they react badly in the moment but the fact she hasn't come back to you later to apologise and check in on you given what a stressful day you've had is very telling. It sounds like you're potentially giving more to this friendship than you're receiving and Amber has become far too dependent on you regarding Olivia. I would be trying to move myself out of that situation before your baby arrives or at least I'd be sitting down with Amber and laying out ground rules and boundaries re: what you will and will not be able to do as your pregnancy progresses and once baby comes so you can prioritise yourself and your baby. Otherwise it's possible she'll be expecting you to still help out while you're recovering from labour instead of building her own parenting strategies and network. How do you think she would manage with Olivia if you weren't there? Would you worry about neglect or similar? I'm a lone parent and I live with other people. My son is 100% my responsibility and outside of pre arranged babysitting so I can go to work, I do everything myself. She's either taking the absolute piss or she is not coping and needs someone to step in.

If you have any concerns about the baby please get it checked every time! Midwives want to reassure rather than the worst case scenario!

Op, you did the right thing and ignore that friend of yours. I lost my twin sons a little over a year ago, i was 5 weeks before delivering them by section. The reason I went into the hospital for a check was because I had no movement at all. Sadly my first twin was gone and my second boy was born and lived for 4 days, until we had to let him go as he was so ill in the NICU. Now my story is rare in terms of what happened which I won't go into but you are never wasting the midwives time. I'm really glad your baby is ok. That's all that matters. I'm pregnant again, I'm 35 weeks and I'll never apologise for getting checked out. No one should have to bury their children