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Original poster

Am I in the wrong to going to the hospital to check on my baby?

93 replies

TreeGum · 16/03/2025 20:55

I live with my friend 'Amber' and her 2 year old daughter 'Olivia'. At the moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I do want to say that usually I do help Amber with Olivia quite a lot on a daily basis. Amber struggles with Olivia as she cannot handle her tantrums and I have had to calm both of them.

I have been feeling movements for a little while, but this morning when I first woke up and was moving around in bed, I didn't feel anything, which was unusual as I do feel something when I first wake up in the morning. I tried not thinking too much about it because I thought maybe the baby was still tired and started my day.

However, as time went by, I still didn't feel anything, so I tried having a sugary drink and certain foods, which usually gets a reaction and I still didn't feel anything. I have been moving around quite a bit, so I thought that might get some some sort of movement, but it didn't work. Sometimes when I tap on my body, I can feel the baby slightly, which didn't get a reaction.

I have had problems with bleeding, pain and infections from early on into this pregnancy to now, which Amber is aware of.

I started getting worried, so I contacted the number for maternity and explained the situation to the woman who said it would be best to come in and they can check the baby's heartbeat.

Amber and Olivia were not in since this morning and were still out when I left the house.

I drove down there and tried not thinking the worse. After I checked in and provided a urine sample, I saw the midwife and explained why I was there. She checked my urine, blood pressure and temperature and they were OK. She checked the baby's heartbeat and after a moment, she could hear the heartbeat and that it was strong. The midwife said that sometimes the positions of the placenta and the baby can cause a feeling of decreased movement and that I should feel more movement a bit later on into my pregnancy.

I thanked her and apologized as I felt I had wasted her time and she quickly said that I did the right feel as it is important to check if there is a decrease of movement and that's why they (the midwifes) are there.

I arrived home and immediately, Amber was asking where I was as she needed help because Olivia was throwing tantrum after tantrum and she couldn't get anything done. Olivia was having a nap at this point. I didn't realize she had messaged me as I had my phone on silent when I entered the hospital.

I explained about what happened and Amber ranted about how I shouldn't have bothered going to the hospital as I wasted their time and how the hospital already struggles because people go there for non-emergencies and that it's better to wait and see. Olivia started crying, so Amber went to see to her and I went upstairs.

She hasn't said anything to me since then.

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 16/03/2025 21:18

You did the right thing getting checked! It happened to me numerous times in both my pregnancies and everyone I seen commented that they would much rather I went in and everything be okay than wait and something goes wrong.

Your friend is using you. When your baby arrives they will be your sole focus, you won’t be able to support your friend and her child.

Personally, I would start making plans to change your living situation, if you can. I imagine your friend will complain about your baby crying and waking her toddler and then expect you to deal with it.

Snorlaxo · 16/03/2025 21:19

Amber is annoyed that you weren’t available to help her. You did the right thing getting checked.

I hope that I’m wrong but is it a good idea to have a child while living with Amber? She strikes me as someone who is not going to help you as much as you’ve helped her.

Zeroperspective · 16/03/2025 21:22

You 100% did the right thing going to get checked. Almost all the time it is just baby being quieter than normal but you should ALWAYS go and get checked if you notice a reduction in babies usual movements and you've tried the sugary drinks/food/what normally works for you and the movements don't pick up to your babies normal.

Amber is rude and out of order for speaking to you this way and she needs to parent her own child instead of relying on you to parent her. What is going to happen once your baby is born and you are in the middle of feeding/changing/trying to get baby to sleep? Are you going to be expected to ignore/abandon your child to go deal with hers? How long are you going to be the parent to her child? Will you be going into school if there is an issue? Will you be dealing with the teenage years? Of course toddler tantrums are difficult but AMBER needs to deal with them not you @TreeGum she is the toddlers parent not you. You can absolutely support her but you should not be doing her job for her.

I'm glad your baby was just having a lazy day and is OK and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. If baby decides to give you another wee scare and have another lazy day, ignore Amber and listen to the midwife you saw today, me, and I assume all the other replies you get on here and go and get checked. Yes you probably will end up sitting and listening to a nice strong heartbeat but you will never ever be wasting anyone's time at the hospital to sit there and be checked. If you get a splinter and go to the hospital then yeah that's a waste of already stretched resources, checking reduced movements will NEVER be wasting anyone's time and I hope I've repeated that enough that if it happens again you hear me and not your selfish 'friend'

CalicoPusscat · 16/03/2025 21:24

Amber doesn't sound like a charmer. You'd be best off without them.

And it was sensible to get checked, a friend lost her baby at nearly fullterm after she stopped moving.

FixedPenaltySos · 16/03/2025 21:24

SherlockHomies · 16/03/2025 21:01

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

Nah, come on.

I don't blame you if you just want to rant about the silly woman you're living with, but you know you did the right thing.

Even the midwife said that.

A medical professional told you you did the right thing. Why are you thinking that your friend knows more than a midwife? 🙄

Bookloveruk · 16/03/2025 21:24

Glad all is okay and you totally did the right thing. Your friend is not being a friend to you and should be ashamed

MrsAmaretto · 16/03/2025 21:25

Your friend is mistaken. Yes there is an issue with people inappropriately turning up to A&E but NEVER to maternity. Anything you notice that is different e.g. change in movements you are to contact them immediately. You did the right thing. Always trust your instincts

12345mummy · 16/03/2025 21:27

You absolutely did the right thing OP and if this happens again - even if it was tomorrow, you go and get checked every single time. Well done for trusting your instincts OP.
Your friend sounds miffed as you weren’t there to help. They are not your responsibility xx

Devianinc · 16/03/2025 21:27

TreeGum · 16/03/2025 20:55

I live with my friend 'Amber' and her 2 year old daughter 'Olivia'. At the moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I do want to say that usually I do help Amber with Olivia quite a lot on a daily basis. Amber struggles with Olivia as she cannot handle her tantrums and I have had to calm both of them.

I have been feeling movements for a little while, but this morning when I first woke up and was moving around in bed, I didn't feel anything, which was unusual as I do feel something when I first wake up in the morning. I tried not thinking too much about it because I thought maybe the baby was still tired and started my day.

However, as time went by, I still didn't feel anything, so I tried having a sugary drink and certain foods, which usually gets a reaction and I still didn't feel anything. I have been moving around quite a bit, so I thought that might get some some sort of movement, but it didn't work. Sometimes when I tap on my body, I can feel the baby slightly, which didn't get a reaction.

I have had problems with bleeding, pain and infections from early on into this pregnancy to now, which Amber is aware of.

I started getting worried, so I contacted the number for maternity and explained the situation to the woman who said it would be best to come in and they can check the baby's heartbeat.

Amber and Olivia were not in since this morning and were still out when I left the house.

I drove down there and tried not thinking the worse. After I checked in and provided a urine sample, I saw the midwife and explained why I was there. She checked my urine, blood pressure and temperature and they were OK. She checked the baby's heartbeat and after a moment, she could hear the heartbeat and that it was strong. The midwife said that sometimes the positions of the placenta and the baby can cause a feeling of decreased movement and that I should feel more movement a bit later on into my pregnancy.

I thanked her and apologized as I felt I had wasted her time and she quickly said that I did the right feel as it is important to check if there is a decrease of movement and that's why they (the midwifes) are there.

I arrived home and immediately, Amber was asking where I was as she needed help because Olivia was throwing tantrum after tantrum and she couldn't get anything done. Olivia was having a nap at this point. I didn't realize she had messaged me as I had my phone on silent when I entered the hospital.

I explained about what happened and Amber ranted about how I shouldn't have bothered going to the hospital as I wasted their time and how the hospital already struggles because people go there for non-emergencies and that it's better to wait and see. Olivia started crying, so Amber went to see to her and I went upstairs.

She hasn't said anything to me since then.

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

Tell her to stick a pole up her ass and she’s responsible for her own child and you’ll take care of yours as you see fit. It’s also non of her business how you choose to take care of yourself and your baby. Your not her husband.

PeloMom · 16/03/2025 21:28

What is she going to do in 12-13 weeks when you have a newborn and are exhausted and can’t take care of your newborn and HER toddler???

Tropicalturnip · 16/03/2025 21:30

Your friend is completely out of order. She is not your friend. The health of your unborn baby takes priority here, not her toddler that is already being looked after by her own mother. Your friend needs to learn to deal with her own child. She expects you to ignore reduced movements so you can help with a tantrum?? She can honestly fuck right off. Reduced movements can be very serious and can be a sign something is wrong with the baby so you did the right thing, and should always, always get checked if it ever happens again too.

MrsSunshine2b · 16/03/2025 21:30

You did the right thing. Most people need to go in for reduced movements at least once in the pregnancy and most of the time it's nothing, but the reason you are told to go and get checked is because in a small minority of cases there could be something wrong and could make the difference between saving the baby's life and losing them.

Amber is a very CF and has mistaken you for some sort of slave. I hope you have plans to move out.

DorothyStorm · 16/03/2025 21:30

You did the right thing.

you need to move out asap.

nocoolnamesleft · 16/03/2025 21:31

Of course you were right to get checked out. Your "friend" is being grossly unreasonable.

Nextweektoo · 16/03/2025 21:38

How soon can you move??

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 16/03/2025 21:40

She is not your friend and her child is not your priority. If anything feels not quite right, always get checked out.

ALWAYS GET CHECKED OUT.
Every.
Single.
Time.

Glad everything is ok x

Mudkipper · 16/03/2025 21:41

I would say you need to be living somewhere without Amber by the time your baby is born. You won't be able to cope with her unreasonable demands and a newborn.

weareallalittlebitthesame · 16/03/2025 21:41

You definitely did the right thing and should ALWAYS get checked out if you can’t feel your baby moving like they usually do!!

As for your friend and your living situation I think you should really think about how this is going to work when you have a newborn as you’re not going to be able to step in every time your friend is struggling with her daughter 😬 I also think it would be really beneficial for you to suggest that your friend talks to someone like the infant mental health team, children’s centre staff or health visitor about getting some support with her parenting

mumda · 16/03/2025 21:42

If your friend is not comforting you after a stressful event then she's not worth keeping in your life.

tdj · 16/03/2025 21:45

You did the right thing going to the hospital.

But can you get away from this living situation? You do not want a 2yo throwing mega tantrums when you are dealing with a newborn and the 2yo's mother expecting you to deal with the tantrum.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 16/03/2025 21:45

Why the fuck is this abusive and using woman living in your home? Why are you helping her? Get her out.

applestrudels · 16/03/2025 21:45

Woaahh, Amber is WAY out of line!!

First off, the maternity ward is completely separate from the standard A&E, it's not like you going to maternity to get a scan would delay someone with a heart attack getting treatment.

Also like... she's putting more pressure on you to be there to help her with her kid than most parents put on the other parent... Like, me and my husband parent fully 50:50, we both work from home, but he's allowed to go out to the shops or the doctor if he needs to, or hell, even down the pub! - and the same goes for me. Obviously it's wonderful as a parent to have other adults around to help with the children, but you should be able to cope alone with your child for a few hours on your own.

I wonder what your living situation is, as in, are you her lodger, or do you rent together as joint tenants, or what? This entitled attitude she has to your time could become a problem for you when your baby arrives...

Absolutely go to the hospital any and every time you feel reduced movements, don't wait and see, or wait until the morning. I noticed reduced movements at 2am when I was 40 weeks, went to the hospital and the baby was in distress and had to be delivered straight away by emergency C-section and then spent 3 days in NICU (she's absolutely fine now). It's no joke. Listen to the midwives, not selfish Amber.

Foxylass · 16/03/2025 21:45

You definitely did the right thing.
Please never ignore reduced movements.

Is it possible to change your living arrangements? I can't see it working for long...well, it's not working now, is it?

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/03/2025 21:47

You phoned and were told to go in. The midwife said you were right to get checked out and you hadn't wasted her time. Your 'friend' knows less than the experts so don't listen to her. I think living on your own would be less stressful and better for you and your baby.

pontipinemum · 16/03/2025 21:47

If you are ever concerned about your baby go to the maternity, always. I did a few times and they always assured me that going in was the right thing to do. Towards the end I was even kept in overnight and I had thought I was being silly going in. ALWAYS go in.

That aside your 'friend' sounds very selfish. She was pissed off you weren't there to sort out her toddler. What does she think will happen when your baby comes along? I think I'd look for somewhere else to live.