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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong to going to the hospital to check on my baby?

93 replies

TreeGum · 16/03/2025 20:55

I live with my friend 'Amber' and her 2 year old daughter 'Olivia'. At the moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I do want to say that usually I do help Amber with Olivia quite a lot on a daily basis. Amber struggles with Olivia as she cannot handle her tantrums and I have had to calm both of them.

I have been feeling movements for a little while, but this morning when I first woke up and was moving around in bed, I didn't feel anything, which was unusual as I do feel something when I first wake up in the morning. I tried not thinking too much about it because I thought maybe the baby was still tired and started my day.

However, as time went by, I still didn't feel anything, so I tried having a sugary drink and certain foods, which usually gets a reaction and I still didn't feel anything. I have been moving around quite a bit, so I thought that might get some some sort of movement, but it didn't work. Sometimes when I tap on my body, I can feel the baby slightly, which didn't get a reaction.

I have had problems with bleeding, pain and infections from early on into this pregnancy to now, which Amber is aware of.

I started getting worried, so I contacted the number for maternity and explained the situation to the woman who said it would be best to come in and they can check the baby's heartbeat.

Amber and Olivia were not in since this morning and were still out when I left the house.

I drove down there and tried not thinking the worse. After I checked in and provided a urine sample, I saw the midwife and explained why I was there. She checked my urine, blood pressure and temperature and they were OK. She checked the baby's heartbeat and after a moment, she could hear the heartbeat and that it was strong. The midwife said that sometimes the positions of the placenta and the baby can cause a feeling of decreased movement and that I should feel more movement a bit later on into my pregnancy.

I thanked her and apologized as I felt I had wasted her time and she quickly said that I did the right feel as it is important to check if there is a decrease of movement and that's why they (the midwifes) are there.

I arrived home and immediately, Amber was asking where I was as she needed help because Olivia was throwing tantrum after tantrum and she couldn't get anything done. Olivia was having a nap at this point. I didn't realize she had messaged me as I had my phone on silent when I entered the hospital.

I explained about what happened and Amber ranted about how I shouldn't have bothered going to the hospital as I wasted their time and how the hospital already struggles because people go there for non-emergencies and that it's better to wait and see. Olivia started crying, so Amber went to see to her and I went upstairs.

She hasn't said anything to me since then.

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 16/03/2025 20:57

You need to prioritise yourself.

Fountains · 16/03/2025 20:57

Why are you living with them? Are you formally exchanging childcare for rent? Don’t you have any support?

wishingitwasfriday · 16/03/2025 20:58

You obviously didn’t do the wrong thing. Is your living situation permanent? I think you need to find your own place before the baby comes. You are going to end up with two babies to look after.

Tandora · 16/03/2025 20:58

Of course you did the right thing going to get checked OP- the midwife also told you so. Amber sounds like a user, not a friend 😕. Why do you live with her,?

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 16/03/2025 20:59

I would be seriously considering moving out before your baby arrives.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 16/03/2025 20:59

Well the hospital advised you to go up there so they thought it was necessary

Are you really living with a friend or is this more like an unpaid live in nanny situation?

curiouscat1987 · 16/03/2025 20:59

Of course you did the right thing, but how is this living situation going to work when you have the baby and they (not your friend or her child) are rightly your priority?

SherlockHomies · 16/03/2025 21:01

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

Nah, come on.

I don't blame you if you just want to rant about the silly woman you're living with, but you know you did the right thing.

Even the midwife said that.

BryceQuinlan · 16/03/2025 21:02

Don't ever put any one else (or their child, by extention) before your child. You did the right thing being checked over. I would seriously rethink this living situation as it will become more unsustainable when your baby arrives.

Merryoldgoat · 16/03/2025 21:04

a) you absolutely did not do anything wrong

b) why is your friend relying on you for childcare?

Your situation seems unusual - are you planning to live there when baby is born because that will definitely not improve things when Olivia is tantrumming and Amber thinks you should concentrate on her rather than your own child.

MillersAngle · 16/03/2025 21:05

That is called a distortion of reality. People in denial distort reality in many ways but often to get others to prioritise their needs over the others person’s own needs. It is often the sign of a deeply unhealthy personity beware

deeplybaffled · 16/03/2025 21:05

Concern about lack of / change in fetal movements should always be checked out. See the “ kicks count” campaign!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 16/03/2025 21:06

If this is real…

you were 100% right to go. Continue to do so. My cousin didn’t at 39weeks as she was having a c section 2 days later anyway and her child died. Always go.

Separately l, either kick amber out of your house or move out of ambers house.

she is K for krazy and if you think she’ll be any kind of help once your baby is born you are living in Egypt next to denial.

Maraudingmarauders · 16/03/2025 21:06

You never ever ‘wait and see’. By the time you ‘see’ it could be too late. The midwives would always always rather see you.

Bailamosse · 16/03/2025 21:06

Why are you living with them? Move out. It’s not your job to sort your friend’s DC’s tantrums. Move out, get peace and she can parent her own child.

ChaToilLeam · 16/03/2025 21:06

You did the right thing. Why can’t Amber handle her own child? Think you’d better find your own place before your baby is born, this doesn’t sound like a healthy dynamic.

Soubriquet · 16/03/2025 21:06

You did the right thing! I promise. Midwives would much rather you go in multiple times with decreased movements, than have to tell you your baby passed

AgnesX · 16/03/2025 21:07

You did what was right for you. Don't regret it.

I hope you'll have your own home soon.

howshouldibehave · 16/03/2025 21:08

You are going to get 500 replies saying it's fine to get your baby checked out but why are you living with a friend and her child-you might as well address that!!

Why don't you move out and then what she thinks/feels/says is pretty immaterial.

EasterIssland · 16/03/2025 21:10

You did the right thing. I had anterior placenta and I went so many times because I could f feel my son. A friend went once around 35w. Sadly the baby had passed away. So whilst for me it was ok it’s not for everyone

why are you living with them?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 21:11

I hope that this amber will be as hands on as you have been when you have your little one.

Yanbu.

outerspacepotato · 16/03/2025 21:12

Amber is using you to help manage her child's misbehaviour and she doesn't care about how this could be affecting your health or your baby.

You did exactly the right thing when you noticed decreased fetal movement and don't let her tell you different. She is not a health care professional and her priorities are you managing her kid, not your pregnancy.

Move out.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 16/03/2025 21:12

She's had a go at you because you weren't there at her beck and call to help with her daughter, it's got nothing to do with you going to the hospital, which btw you were definitely right to do. If at all possible, I would try and get your own place before your baby is due. She sounds like a bit of a nightmare. Like others have said put yourself (and your baby) first. ❤

abricotine · 16/03/2025 21:14

MillersAngle · 16/03/2025 21:05

That is called a distortion of reality. People in denial distort reality in many ways but often to get others to prioritise their needs over the others person’s own needs. It is often the sign of a deeply unhealthy personity beware

This!
you did a very important thing and were exactly right to do so.
You need to find yourself a new living situation OP. When your baby arrives this “friend” is not going to be happy that you are 100% dedicated to your baby instead of to her child. I’d start making plans if I were you.

Matsukaze · 16/03/2025 21:16

wishingitwasfriday · 16/03/2025 20:58

You obviously didn’t do the wrong thing. Is your living situation permanent? I think you need to find your own place before the baby comes. You are going to end up with two babies to look after.

Sounds more like she will have 3 babies to look after given the friend's reaction!

OP, just to echo what has been said before and will be said again, you did absolutely the right thing x