14yo DD dating a 16yo Boy

Tirangapete · 2025-03-16T16:37:08+00:00

Hi I’m DD is 14 and a very good girl, she has told me today she has a boyfriend and he is 16, is this something for me to worry about ??? I have played it cool and was supportive, but after she told me and I was alone I started to worry and over think 16 is a significant legal landmark age any advice ?

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 16:38

Just keep the lines of communication open and be respectful towards her and encourage her to also be respectful to you. Talk about sex and how she shouldn’t feel pressured to have a physical relationship that she isn’t comfortable with. Talk to her. And be open to listening.

TeenToTwenties · 16/03/2025 16:40

14 and y10 or y9?
16 and y11 or y12?

ItGhoul · 16/03/2025 16:41

I really don’t think there’s any kind of gulf in maturity between 14 and 16, to be honest. They’re two school kids in their mid teens. By ‘significant legal landmark’ I assume you mean the age of sexual consent, but I can assure you that won’t make any difference to whether or not they have sex. They’d be just as likely (or unlikely) to have sex if they were both 14 or 15.

Jabberwok · 16/03/2025 16:42

Errr no. If she's sensible and mature then let them date. If he was 36 and she was 34 you wouldn't bat an eyelid. I would be very very unhappy if he were 26 and she 14.

Obviously they are teenagers and you need to ensure that they are not having sex. His being 16 isn't that relevant. Your daughter is growing up and will date. You need to trust her and him to be sensible.

SillySeal · 16/03/2025 16:42

Is it a full 2 years, just over a year older or closer to 3 years older? It does make a difference.

There was 18 months between me and dh. So at 14 he was also 16 at some point. Just keep communication open and get to know the boyfriend to gauge how he is. There are absolutely lovely 16 year olds and some no so lovely ones.

thatsfunnybecause · 16/03/2025 16:44

What is he the year above? I was dating a 16 year old at 14, we were together for years and he was not taking advantage, we just got on.
I think it’s common for a 14 year old girl to be at the same level of maturity to a 16 year old boy. I have a nearly 16 year old DSD who finds all the boys in year too immature.
I would be happy she was comfortable telling you and keep communication open by not criticising her.

biscuitsandbooks · 16/03/2025 16:44

Sounds totally normal to me.

thatsfunnybecause · 16/03/2025 16:46

Obviously they are teenagers and you need to ensure they are not having sex

Why? And how? Teenagers have sex

YankSplaining · 16/03/2025 17:19

I wouldn’t be concerned by the age difference. I dated a 16-year-old when I was 14; we were a year apart in school and he had a December birthday while I had a June birthday. I was his first girlfriend (and he was my first boyfriend) and he was like a friendly, gangly, awkward puppy dog. Girls are generally more mature than boys anyway.

Hankunamatata · 16/03/2025 17:30

I would be a bit worried. All you can do is keep communications open, talk about healthy relationships, sex, peer pressure.

Original poster

Tirangapete · 16/03/2025 21:45

I guess I’m worried about the sex thing

I’m sure it’s illegal for him to have sex with her ? And I’m hoping his parents have spoken to him

tonight I sat her down and we had a chat about it, she told me she won’t be having sex and won’t be pressurized so I feel a lot more relaxed

but I feel I should reach out to his patients, I don’t know them but feel it’s worth having that conversation and letting them know I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t put any pressure on her

i know it’s only 2 years but some 16yo boys are like a table with six legs and always trying to get them over girls

OP posts:

thatsfunnybecause · 16/03/2025 22:32

Yes it is illegal but as long as it was consensual then no action would be taken

I wouldn’t talk to his parents. Either they are the kind of parents who would have that kind of conversation with the 16 year old son in which case they already have or they’re not and you asking them to won’t change that. I would want to meet him though and would encourage dd to invite him round.

Realistically if teens want to have sex they will, parents asking them not to won’t stop them.

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 22:59

Tirangapete · 16/03/2025 21:45

I guess I’m worried about the sex thing

I’m sure it’s illegal for him to have sex with her ? And I’m hoping his parents have spoken to him

tonight I sat her down and we had a chat about it, she told me she won’t be having sex and won’t be pressurized so I feel a lot more relaxed

but I feel I should reach out to his patients, I don’t know them but feel it’s worth having that conversation and letting them know I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t put any pressure on her

i know it’s only 2 years but some 16yo boys are like a table with six legs and always trying to get them over girls

Edited

I haven’t a clue what the table with six legs comment is actually meant to mean. But tbh some teenagers are wanting to rush into having sex- but sex is normal and enjoyable and hormones in the teenage years kind of encourage it. So I wouldn’t be pissy about teenagers with hormones!

Whilst it isn’t legal- it’s also unlikely to be a crime that you could press charges for if they had consensual sex age 16 and 14. Make it clear that they both could get into trouble for sexting though as that’s age 18 and child pornography laws are strict (and rightly so).

Talk, don’t be a prude. And give and expect respect and honesty.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/03/2025 23:02

I’m sure it’s illegal for him to have sex with her ?

It isn't illegal if she consents.

Even if it were illegal, it won't stop them if they decide to have sex.

Make sure her contraception is watertight and that she understands the nature of consent.

CarpetKnees · 16/03/2025 23:35

but I feel I should reach out to his patients, I don’t know them but feel it’s worth having that conversation and letting them know I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t put any pressure on her

Good grief DO NOT do this (and yes, I did mean to shout).

Leave them alone.
Perfectly normal and healthy relationship.
What is the matter with you ?

backawayfatty1 · 16/03/2025 23:40

Having been in a similar situation, I would suggest having contraception available. They say they don't want to have sex but from experience, they change their mind quickly when it suits! Better safe than sorry

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:09

fourelementary · 16/03/2025 22:59

I haven’t a clue what the table with six legs comment is actually meant to mean. But tbh some teenagers are wanting to rush into having sex- but sex is normal and enjoyable and hormones in the teenage years kind of encourage it. So I wouldn’t be pissy about teenagers with hormones!

Whilst it isn’t legal- it’s also unlikely to be a crime that you could press charges for if they had consensual sex age 16 and 14. Make it clear that they both could get into trouble for sexting though as that’s age 18 and child pornography laws are strict (and rightly so).

Talk, don’t be a prude. And give and expect respect and honesty.

Show quote history

Im not encouraging my 14yo to be having sex FFS, that’s what’s wrong with the world in one sentence

calling a parent a prude for wanting their underage child to be safe, Christ the moral fiber or this nation is utterly fractured

OP posts:

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:14

backawayfatty1 · 16/03/2025 23:40

Having been in a similar situation, I would suggest having contraception available. They say they don't want to have sex but from experience, they change their mind quickly when it suits! Better safe than sorry

i get all that … but if I hand my 14yo underage child condoms I’m saying “that’s ok to have sex”

we are a Christian family and go to church weekly it’s not ok in our moral code and my daughter has been brought up right, I’m actually not worried about her as she is very mature and actually has an aunt she is close to who I have already made aware that in this scenario Id rather her have protection than not

but I’m not making it available for my 14yo she knows where it can be sought

OP posts:

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:22

CarpetKnees · 16/03/2025 23:35

but I feel I should reach out to his patients, I don’t know them but feel it’s worth having that conversation and letting them know I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t put any pressure on her

Good grief DO NOT do this (and yes, I did mean to shout).

Leave them alone.
Perfectly normal and healthy relationship.
What is the matter with you ?

What’s the matter with me

my underage DD is dating a sexually active 16yo boy and you think that something is wrong with me for worrying ???

we used to be a Christian nation, where the guidance of the Lord made a difference, now all I see is an acceptance of sin and the encouragement of fornication

I will be seeing his Dad today, he runs the local garage and I will be explaining to him that his son need to respect my DD’s modesty and if he agrees to such I will allow him to continue to see my DD, if there is any hint of disrespect for that position, then he won’t be seeing her again

I’m a single parent my wife died of breast cancer a number years ago, I have raised these children alone, I’m not going to be found wanting now

OP posts:

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:30

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/03/2025 23:02

I’m sure it’s illegal for him to have sex with her ?

It isn't illegal if she consents.

Even if it were illegal, it won't stop them if they decide to have sex.

Make sure her contraception is watertight and that she understands the nature of consent.

Thanks

it is 100% illegal for them to have sex the local police station confirmed

CPS are unlikely to prosecute if there is consent so in most cases these would be no further action.

the issue for this lad is my DD is autistic and consent would need to be established in Court as I feel she hasn’t capacity to fully understand and consent, and her psychologist who she see’s for the trauma of seeing her mum die also feels she may lack capacity at a young age, so in that regards the local constabulary have told me they would always arrest and question and they have told me the CPS would charge the lad and let a court decide.

this is why I want to speak to his dad

so the lad doesn’t end up in trouble

I actually know him from coaching a rugby team and he isn’t a bad kid, I don’t want him getting in bother

OP posts:

VisitationRights · 17/03/2025 06:31

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:09

Im not encouraging my 14yo to be having sex FFS, that’s what’s wrong with the world in one sentence

calling a parent a prude for wanting their underage child to be safe, Christ the moral fiber or this nation is utterly fractured

Show quote history

Exodus 20, verse 7, “don’t take the Lord’s name in vain”.

This is what is wrong with self professed Christians these days, just randomly selecting which commandments to follow and which to break. Tsk tsk tsk.

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:33

thatsfunnybecause · 16/03/2025 22:32

Yes it is illegal but as long as it was consensual then no action would be taken

I wouldn’t talk to his parents. Either they are the kind of parents who would have that kind of conversation with the 16 year old son in which case they already have or they’re not and you asking them to won’t change that. I would want to meet him though and would encourage dd to invite him round.

Realistically if teens want to have sex they will, parents asking them not to won’t stop them.

See my post above on consent

I feel I need to speak to his dad as it’s not a usual situation

OP posts:

Amba1998 · 17/03/2025 06:36

Do not reach out to his parents and certainly not to say you’re fine with it as long as he doesn’t pressure her, you’re making insinuations there and will get off on the wrong foot and close doors to communication. You’ll also embarrass your daughter and make it less likely for her to talk to you

keep lines open with your child. Invite him round and get to know him.

I am sorry but this is all part and parcel of raising teenagers. There’s nothing you can do but support

Original poster

Tirangapete · 17/03/2025 06:36

VisitationRights · 17/03/2025 06:31

Exodus 20, verse 7, “don’t take the Lord’s name in vain”.

This is what is wrong with self professed Christians these days, just randomly selecting which commandments to follow and which to break. Tsk tsk tsk.

Show quote history

I was talking to Christ our Lord in the post

asking him to guide me through the heathen nonsense and give me wisdom

find Jesus … let him guide you as well

OP posts:

sunisbetterthanrain · 17/03/2025 06:36

It sounds like you’ve not had it easy OP, you clearly care a great deal about your daughter and have a very good relationship with her. Ultimately you know her best and it sounds like you trust her to make the right decisions.

Just try to keep the conversation open and make the boyfriend feel welcome at your house, open bedroom door policy seems fair at age 14. If you encourage them to spend time at yours then things are more under your control and you’re less likely to push her away or create a situation where she feels she has to lie or rebel.

he might not be sexually active, plenty of boys are much older than 16 when they become so.